Well, I got one a long time ago...but Love has agreed to start getting up and running with me in the morning! If there's one thing I've learned about myself over the years, it's that I AM NOT a self-motivated person. I must have a reason, a friend, or a prepared task that gives me incentive to do something. If I have that, I'm great. I am a doer, a go-getter, a task...completer...??? Yeah, something like that. If not, I'm sunk. It's terribly sad, I know...but don't worry. If I don't have a motivator, I am excellent at complaining.
In baby news, well, there really isn't any. I don't know if I'm pregnant or
not this month...and honestly...I am not really to worried about it. Maybe I'm
in denial...maybe I have found some sort of peace about the whole thing for a
while...maybe I'm just tired. Yes, tired. I'm tired of thinking about it
constantly. Sick of letting it take over my life. I have so much stress in my
life right now and sometimes I feel like if I could just get pregnant...a lot of
it would be relieved. To me, stress may be something keeping me from getting
there. So, I'm trying to take a step back. I want to start focusing on me, on
Love, on getting in shape, finding more time for creative things. Maybe if I
just try to step out of it for a bit...I'll conceive. Who knows? It's worth a
shot right? Don't worry, we're definitely not giving up. We are still
trying...still...well you know...on the right days and all that. Yet we're
trying to focus on other things for a while. If that doesn't work by the end of
the summer, then we'll look at our budget and see if we can fit in those (high
cost, not covered by insurance- that's another topic though) options
that the Doctor gave us. I want a baby soooo bad. I'm aching to be a mother
and to let Love experience the fatherhood he never got to have with his
daughter. I guess I'm just not ready to give up on nature yet. Has anyone else
had this problem?
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