Forgiveness: Part One

Forgiveness is a difficult topic to write about.  It's something personal and situational so it's hard to be general about it. But I'm going to try because I have a few things to say about it.  So many that this will take two posts.  Bear with me.

In my young life I have had many opportunities to forgive.  I say opportunities because that is how I view the chance to release someone from the guilt I'm holding over them.  I forgive in-part because it is my nature.  I forgive because I believe that is what we are supposed to do.  I forgive because it helps me to feel more balanced and less weighed down.

Since before I can remember, I have been relatively quick to forgive.  It hasn't always been a perfect forgiveness (we'll discuss this later) but often has been about me having to let go of the feelings.  I am not one to hold onto a grudge, anger, sadness or even guilt.  I definitely beat myself up over things, but I don't do it for long before I let it go.  I do the same for the people who impact my life with their mistakes.

Unlike some who do this, I don't release the emotion before I have passed through it fully.  I feel it all, get through it and move on.  In many ways this is beneficial to me.  It allows me to live with no regrets.  It allows me to work through problems and then move forward.  It could possibly be why I have no gray hairs.  Funny, but seriously, it could.

There are many things I have been through in my life that I have had to examine and eventually forgive someone for.  I'm not talking about petty things, small indiscretions, I'm talking about life-changing moments that had a huge impact on my life.  Most of those times I have literally told them I forgave them, others it was more of an inner forgiveness.  I am not about to drudge up all that history of mine and reveal their stories on the Internet for the world to see.  While it may be illustrative in my point, part of forgiveness is letting go- which means not continually bringing it up.  (Though, as I have done before, I will discuss my divorce a bit.)

Instead, I would like to go through my personal formula for forgiving someone, and the reasons why I do it, and why I think everyone should forgive.  Just to clarify: these are all my opinions and how my mind works.

Recognize

The first step to forgiveness is recognizing that there was a wrong done.  There are two ways this happens.  In the best of circumstances this is done by both parties.  Otherwise, it's just you knowing something wrong was done to you or impacted you and the other person either has no idea, doesn't care, or refuses to take responsibility.

In the best case scenario, this person knows what they did, they have apologized, and they are not going to do it again.  In this scenario, we are going to take this person at their word.  I call this the best case scenario because it is measurably easier to forgive someone who recognizes that what they did was wrong and is willing to own their mistake, apologize, and ask for forgiveness.  Sincerity obviously plays a large role in this scenario.  Especially in a case where trust was broken.  I firmly believe that you can gauge sincerity no matter where trust stands between you.

In other scenarios, it's all on you.  You recognize the wrong and then move on to step two.

Communicate

It is usually best if the person recognizes on their own that they did something wrong and talks to you about it.  It shows they are sincere and are genuinely sorry.  In some cases they may simply not have known they did something to impact you and once they find out, they too are sorry.  If they have apologized they might allow you to ask questions, get some answers, some closure, some truth, and allow you to process things before you forgive them. This is the most beneficial type of forgiveness for both parties. It allows for communication, a bit of self-induced therapy, and a sort of air-clearing. All of those things allow for a much more positive experience in forgiveness and often the best repair to a relationship if that is the case.

You certainly have a choice of whether or not to bring it up with the person.  In many cases this is beneficial if only to let them know that it impacted you and sometimes will lead to the best case scenario.  Sometimes they won't be willing to take responsibility for their actions, they might get angry, they might try to blame you or get defensive.  It is generally fruitless to attempt to convince them that they were wrong.  In this case, letting them know you were upset is enough to get the process of forgiveness going.  It just means they won't be much of a part of it.

In the event that the other party is unwilling to communicate with you civilly, it is helpful to find someone you trust to discuss the issue if it is bigger than you can deal with.  Counselling is there for a reason.  Otherwise, a religious leader, a mentor or even a very trusted friend can help you through this situation and give you a different perspective.  Just be careful who you air your feelings to. 

Anger can be a hard thing to keep from spreading around.  Trust me when I tell you that talking about someone behind their back- even if it's well deserved in your mind- will always come back to bite you somehow.  It is better to get your real feelings out directly to someone than it is to get them out to a third party and have that person find out second or third-hand.  Bottom line, if you need someone to vent to, make sure you can trust them.  Otherwise, vent in prayer, on paper, or aloud to no one in particular.  Just make sure that you communicate your feelings somehow.  Get them out so you can move on.

Feel

I was watching an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive last night and the therapist said something that struck me as a major truth.  It was something like, "It takes far more courage to feel feelings then it does to shut them off."  For some reason, society has decided that emotion is taboo.  We are a "get over it", "move on", "you've been crying or sad for too long" society.  Yes, there are limits to how deeply or how long someone should feel or deal with something before it should be called depression.  Especially if it was extreme or traumatic.  But often people think or feel that they are weak for crying or being upset.  I don't believe this to be true.

To hide feelings may seem beneficial in the moment.  The problem with hidden feelings is they eventually have to come out somewhere.  Take the example of the show I was watching.  Hoarders are a great example of what can become of feelings not felt.  You can't escape feelings.  If you don't deal with them, they can take over and express themselves in extreme ways from overreacting to an entirely different issue, to hoarding, to literally losing your mind.

The point is: feel it.  Deal with it NOW.  Putting it off will only make it more difficult.  Holding it in, especially if it's a bunch of small things say with your spouse, or being mistreated at work, or a friend who takes advantage of you, will never help it to be better.  Hidden feelings compound on themselves until they combine and create an explosion.  Dealing with them one at a time is always better.

I remember when I went through my divorce.  The feelings I felt then were the most extreme feelings I had ever experienced.  It was impossible to contain them.  I cried until there were no more tears.  I was more angry than I had ever been.  I was irrational and sometimes crazy.  I was this way for a long time.  I remember the day when I finally felt like I had a handle on things again.  I was in no way normal, my life still felt like it was in shambles, but I knew everything would be OK...no matter what happened.  It was then that I knew I had felt everything I needed to feel and could move forward.  The feelings came back in spurts here and there, but they weren't nearly as extreme, and I dealt with them too.  It was hard.  Ugly and horrible.  But imagine what would have happened had I tried to contain them.

If the other party doesn't want to take responsibility, is trying to deny guilt, or is angry, they might try to tell you that you're being irrational.  Don't let anyone tell you to feel differently than you do.  Ever.  You feel the way you do for a reason.  You are not crazy.  You are not emotional.  You are who you are and you feel what you feel.  Find out why you feel that way, do something about it, go through it.  Only then will you truly be able to move on.

I could go on about this forever.  Instead I will reiterate one more time.  FEEL IT.  Don't be afraid of your feelings.  Embrace them so you can move forward.

To be continued...

Up in the night...

Do you ever feel judged?  I know there have been several times in my life where I felt very judged.  Why is it that people have to have an opinion on how I live my life, what I choose to do with it, and who I spend it with?  Now I'm not saying I'm perfect and have never judged anyone.  I do have my opinions, but I try not to share those opinions with the person if I think it will make them feel judged.  Though I'm sure it has happened.  (And I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel judged.)

Last night I had a hard time sleeping for several reasons, but one of them was that something happened that make me feel judged for choosing to get remarried.  It's true that getting remarried has changed a lot of what I thought might occur this year.  Maybe I haven't done as much as I wanted to this year.  Maybe if I had stayed single I could have done more.  I did have a lot more time to myself then.  To me, time to myself is overrated when compared to having my family whole.

My question is, how would that have been better than reuniting my family?  Do you have any idea what this has done for GOOD for us?  Maybe you have an idea, but only we know the benefits we have seen from this decision.  Just because an opinion seems right for one person, doesn't mean it's right for me.

Is our life perfect?  Absolutely not!  Do we have struggles?  Absolutely.  Are we perfect for each other?  Is anyone?  What we know is that we love each other and it's worth it to us to work on any issues in order to be together and keep our family together.  It's worth the hard questions we get from Zoe each night like, "Mom, Dad, are you not going anywhere?"  It's worth reassuring her and ourselves that we intend to keep working forever to make sure she (and we) never has that fear again.

The only people who could/can make this decision are Matt and me.  We know what is best for us.  Am I still working to improve myself along with improving my marriage?  Of course!  But I have a lot of other things on my plate.  Life is all about balance.  In my life, I cannot choose to ONLY focus on myself.  I have children, a husband, work, responsibilities, AND myself to take care of.  All those things take a lot of time.  And I would appreciate some respect for everything I am responsible for.

We all have our own story.  We all have things and issues we are dealing with.  How about we waste less time judging and feeling judged and spend more time finding out how to help each other?

Sorry for the rant, people.  I just had to get that out.  Thanks!

Five Minute Friday: Loss

It's time for Five Minute Friday! Click over to The Gypsy Mama for instructions if you would like to participate! (You totally should!)

Go.

I have lost several people in my life. I lost my sister three hours into her life at age 12. I lost both my Grandfathers in the same year. But the hardest loss I have EVER had to deal with was the (now temporary) loss of my husband.

I am finally ready to talk about what I went through. I choose to do it here where I can do it once, and quickly. Like ripping off a bandaid.

The loss of the person you were supposed to spend your life with is the worst thing I have felt or could ever imagine. It is a physical, emotional, mental, draining loss. A loss that make you unable to breathe. A loss that makes you want to puke. A loss that doesn't let you eat. A loss that causes you to drop 30 pounds in a month.

It is a loss that makes you cry until there are no tears left. A loss that keeps you dry sobbing when the tears are gone.

It is a loss of the future. Of all your plans. A place of chopped up memories.

It is the inability to answer the questions of your little ones who don't understand the complexities of life. Just that they want their Dad to be at home where he has always been.

It is the inability to know what to do with seven years of memories in picture and memento form that you shoved in a box "for now".

It is the kind of loss that makes you feel like if they had died it would have been slightly easier. Just because you know they left you without choice and left loving you.

It is a loss that makes you feel small and unwanted and not enough. A loss that is often filled with too many unanswered questions.

A loss that feels too great to bear as you care for two small children. Knowing if your children weren't there to care for you probably wouldn't bother moving from your bed.

It is sleeping, eating, breathing, dreaming thoughts of one person. It is dreams of reunion and waking to an empty bed and instant tears.

It is the worst thing that has EVER happened to me. And now it is over.

I am grateful for this loss. For the strength it gave me and for everything I learned. Because, in the end, what we found was love and forgiveness. And that is all we need.

Stop.

Ok, so I wasn't able to stop in five minutes. The Gypsy Mama herself didn't today so I hope that's ok for me too. Not editing, just posting. Breathe...

What Divorce Taught Me About Marriage

As I have hinted here in a few posts, Matt and I went through a very rough time during the second half of last year. Our marriage disintegrated before my eyes, completely out of the blue, he left, and eventually we were divorced. A couple months later we decided to work things out and got remarried. At some point I will write what I can about those few months, but today I want to talk about part of the reason that we traveled that road.

Make Loving You Easier

For nearly seven years we lived comfortably in the cocoon of this thought: "He/she will love me no matter what." This is not an uncommon thought to have in marriage. Certainly, we should feel that way about our spouses. The danger comes in being COMFORTABLE in that thought. Feeling comfortable led us to believe we could treat each other however we wanted and know they would always be there. It led us to take each other for granted.

Marriage takes work. Working on showing each other love and appreciation does not stop the day you say "I Do". This is not to say that we never showed appreciation for each other, but we certainly didn't make a daily effort of it.

Since being remarried, we have been working together on our bodies and appearance for ourselves and for each other. We send "I love you, gorgeous!" texts, leave little notes of love and appreciation, provide acts of service, and lots of other little acts of appreciation.



Most importantly, we discuss our issues and work them out together. Does your spouse know how much you love them, what you appreciate about them, and how beautiful they are to you? If you didn't tell them that today, stop what you're doing right now and find a way to let them know. We'll wait....

...

Ready? Ok, let's move on.

Don't Avoid Conflict

Matt and I don't like to fight. Rarely will you find us in a screaming match. I always thought this was because we had a good marriage and got along so well. It turns out that we were just keeping our thoughts/frustrations from each other to avoid conflict. Sounds great, right? No fighting?

Unfortunately, those thoughts and frustrations have to come out somewhere. For us they came out to friends or family, they became silent resentments, or they festered until we did have a big fight and exploded that way. I always thought this was normal and healthy. It is not.

Your spouse should be the person you go to with your frustrations. Not a friend, parent, sibling, or anyone else. If you can't resolve it together, try counseling. A middle party may be able to help you see things more clearly.

Since reuniting we have worked hard on how to handle conflict in our marriage. For us, as in many other marriages, one of us pursues the issues and the other withdraws from them.

Pursuers tend to want to discuss the issue as soon as it comes up, they can be very pushy, they want to have one conversation, resolve it, and get over it. Their fear is having the withdrawer want to talk about it later and then it never comes up again or gets resolved.

Withdrawers need breaks, they need time to think, prepare and cool down. They feel conversations are one-sided because the pursuer is so pushy and they are so hesitant. They fear conflict escalating, they don't want discussions to become fights so they try not to discuss anything.

We have to learn how to balance those personalities. The pursuer has to respect that the withdrawer might not want to discuss it "right now", that they might need to take a break and come back to the subject later.

The withdrawer has to respect that the pursuer needs to have the conflict resolved and, if they need a break, they have to say when the subject can be discussed again and are responsible for bringing it up.

The pursuer has to learn to trust the withdrawer to follow through and the withdrawer has to trust that the pursuer won't bring it up again before that time.



This is NOT an easy thing to do. We also have to do our best to be our best selves, remain calm, try not to get defensive and really work at listening to and understanding each others points of view BEFORE we attempt to resolve the conflict or issue.

When we are successful at all of these things, conflict actually brings us closer. We can trust each other to respect our differing opinions/personalities and are willing to bring up our deepest thoughts, fears, dreams, worries, etc.

You Are Not Perfect

It is easy to get trapped in the thought that your way is the right way. We all grew up in different households, cultures, family dynamics and day to day lives. Anyone who thinks they can enter a marriage and not have to change at least the little things is delusional. Marriage is about give and take. This is something I struggle with.

I am a perfectionist. Until recently, I thought this meant that I would always be a perfectionist. I have learned that, while my mind may always think this way, I can choose to be different. For example, I can let Matt clean the bathroom and not get frustrated that the faucet isn't perfectly polished.


It is not easy to choose to be different than you think you should be. There are some things that you should never compromise about yourself, but there are a lot of small things that you can change to make things run more smoothly in your marriage.

What small changes can you make to improve the harmony in your home?

If You Don't Grow Together, You Will Grow Apart

When Zoe was born and I went back to work we found it difficult to get out alone together. We had family watching her for work and didn't want to ask them to keep her so we could go on dates. We had never paid a babysitter, the thought never really crossed our minds. So, we would go out to eat a lot and bring Zoe along.

Our first Valentine's Day as parents we went out to eat and Zoe came with us. While the family time was great, we weren't investing time in continuing to get to know each other and have fun with each other as people instead of as parents. I can count on one hand, maybe two, the number of times we went out alone from the time Zoe was born until our marriage ended. In general, we weren't prioritizing each other.

While we were busy NOT spending quality time together, we would spend time with friends doing what we like to do. Or we would do them alone. When you are spending quality time together, this is a healthy thing to do. When you are not spending quality time together, it can rip you apart. When you have more fun with your friends or by yourself than you do with your spouse something is wrong.

Make it a point to spend quality time together at least 2-3 times a month, if not weekly. You don't have to go out, spend money, or even do a lot of planning to spend quality time. A date can be as simple as some snacks and a board game, popcorn and a rented movie, or sitting and talking on the porch.

We trade off planning the date and getting babysitters. We also make it a point to either try things that are completely new to both of us, or try things that the other person likes to do. Matt and I are complete opposites in a lot of ways, but we feel that gives us a lot of opportunity to grow. For instance, I am learning to play golf and he will go to music performances with me.

It is important to work on the things you love, to grow as a person, but try to spend some of that time growing with your partner and you will be amazed at how close you can become. The best way to learn about your spouse, to have good conversations, and to grow as a couple is to spend time together doing things you love.

Be willing to make sacrifices and try something you may not love to show your spouse that you care about them and what they love. Who knows? You may find that you actually do enjoy things they like.

I could go on about all that I have learned from my experiences this past year. Really, it all boils down to this: Love and appreciate your spouse unconditionally and show it, care about each other enough to resolve conflict together, compromise, and make time for each other.

If you find you have any of these problems in your marriage, it is never too late to work on them. Matt and I did it after all the hurt and pain of a divorce. Make these changes now. Don't wait. You chose this person once, choose them every day. Love the one you're with.

Please, if you have a few minutes, share this with everyone you know. I never want to see anyone suffer what I went through if they don't have to. Don't get me wrong, I understand that sometimes divorce is necessary. In many cases, though, it's simply a case of losing the spark because of a lot of these pitfalls. I am no expert. I still have a lot to work on myself, but I wanted to share what I have learned in hopes that I can help others to have happier marriages. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this post so please leave a comment. Thanks everyone!

Returning Sheepishly

I know it's been a long silence. I'm happy to report that I'm better...things are better. The troubles are not over, but they have settled for now...enough that I can think of other things. I'm not trying to be cryptic, it's just private. Anyhow, I decided it's high time I get back to writing.

Recently, I started working from home. The first week was extremely overwhelming. I often found myself wondering why I thought it would be a good idea. Suddenly Zoe's naps, that had formerly been my time, became work time and all my rest and house cleaning went out the window. Well, ok, maybe not out the window. If you asked Love he'd say it was pretty clearly strewn about the house...but you get my drift. After the first week I figured out that I could accomplish things when Zoe was awake and still make time to play with her and be attentive, I could ask Love for some "Me time" when he got home, and I could do this. Why? I am now (except for one day a week) a "stay-at-home" Mom. This is something you all know I've been wanting since Zoe was born. It's not quite what I thought it would be, but it is what it is and I couldn't be happier to be home with my sweet baby girl.

Speaking of my sweet baby girl...she is about to be one. You don't have to remind me that I've been a total slacker and haven't posted a monthly update in ages. I promise it's coming. Right now I'm super busy working and trying to soak up the last two weeks of her first year of life. I find myself tearing up some days at the thought of how fast and how much she's grown. Yet I'm so proud to be her Mother...to see her day to day accomplishments...to make her laugh...comfort her sadness...and cheer her on. I'm also trying to plan a little family/ close friends party. This is not as easy as one might think. Any advice on this subject is welcome.

I'm looking forward to a few things. My Sis and her Husband are coming up to visit us on the 4th of July weekend! My Brother is going on a mission to Carlsbad, CA in a little over a month- he got his mission call when I was home for my Little Sis's wedding. I get to go home in a little less than a month to see my family. I'm not thrilled that he'll be gone for two years because I'm really going to miss him...but he's doing an amazing thing and I'm so proud of him.

I know it's not a thorough update, but it's late and I need to hit the sack so I can start again tomorrow. More to come...and thanks for sticking around. Your comments meant a lot to me.

And just because I know a couple people who are dying to see her...an updated picture of Zoe to swoon over. :)

I Know

I've been quiet. I promise to post at least two posts this month.  I know I owe you two months of Zoe updates. :) Anyway, the major thing going on in my life right now...the thing that plauges my thoughts...makes me cry...makes me scared...makes me worry...well I can't talk about it here. So that's why I'm quiet. Please give me some time to sort things out and I promise I'll be back...so don't leave for good. Thanks everyone.

A Monday Story

I stirred this morning, stretched my arm back and felt my secondary pillow. Instantly a thought came to mind, "An extra pillow means I need to wake up." (Don't ask...I'm still wondering myself.) I jumped up and looked at the clock. "Oh no!!!! It's 6:48!" (Supposed to wake up at 6:20.) Throwing the covers back I hopped lightly onto the floor and floated...uh stumbled to the bathroom. Blah blah, then turned on the shower, undressed and got in. Fastest.shower.ever. Afterward I yelled to Love, "Wake up!" "Moan" (love) I made my way to the closet, picked out clean clothes, threw them on and went back to the bathroom. My hair was quickly thrown into an (unflattering) up-do, a wet one, and my face was quickly dusted, colored, and mascara'd (??). Rushing to the kitchen, I threw some food in a bag and ran out the door.

That is how my day started. Here is what followed:

-Stress over money

-Love not in a good mood

-Anger towards lazy people

-Bridal shower grief

-Fighting about money

-Good sale turned sour

-Ate lunch at my desk while working

-Ten hour shift

-Didn't finish all tasks

-Didn't have time to pick up important package

-Traffic- while fighting about money

-Wa1mart

Thankfully things are better now. Still hate Mondays, money, and a few other things. Time to sleep and try again tomorrow.

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."

i am feeling...lost? no, that is not the right word...i am not lost, i am uncertain...about, well, everything. my mind is filled with questions. where am i going? what am i doing? what am i waiting for? why can't i just LIVE and let the pregnancy thing be? why am i SO FREAKIN FOCUSED on having a baby that i can't justify an early morning jog because i might hurt a potential pregnancy? what if i never become pregnant (heaven forbid) and i spend years living in limbo? what if i find myself five years down the road without a child in my arms, having gained 20 more pounds than the 30 i've put on the last few years? what if i'm still sitting on the couch channel surfing and watching my life drift slowly by as i wave it away like a fly? how can i keep justifying my laziness? so many questions and no easy answers. couple that with the fact that my body can't decide what it wants to do.

did you know i started bleeding last tuesday? ten days before i was supposed to? then i stopped on friday and not a drop since. what does that mean? am i pregnant? am i just freaking out? am i so damn stressed out that my body is signaling it's had enough? and how come i never noticed that my breast are tender near cycle day one before i started trying? why did it take me six months to figure that out so i didn't think it was a sign of pregnancy? how's a girl supposed to figure all this out on her own?

here's a thought. how about we take all the crack addicts that get pregnant and throw children away like trash...and place those babies in the wombs of the women who have good homes, who ache to hold their child in their arms? i am dizzy with the thoughts swimming around in my head. wondering how much longer i can hold it in. wondering what it's going to take to push me over the edge. what is going to break this calm i've been feeling? do you find it sad that i almost expect the bleeding to come? do you know how to break hope? do you know how to get it back?

i am uncertain about life, about where this path will lead me. i am uncertain whether we'll ever have enough money for a house, if we'll ever be out of debt. i am worried about my job, how much longer i can do it...what it will take for me to focus. i am hoping that Matt likes his new job and that it will take him far. far enough that i can quit working, be a stay at home mom like i've always wanted, do some of the things i truly love and never have time for...that is if i can just get over this hurdle mountain- that stands between me and motherhood. i would love any advice...any answers to my questions...anyone in my shoes.

Title is a quote by: John Wooden

Less Than Hopeful

I am feeling a little apprehensive. I do not know yet if I'm pregnant. I won't know until sometime between June 1st and June 4th. Why the 3 day range? I miscalculated CD1 as suspected. I thought had it all figured out until I took an ovulation test and discovered my LH surge was happening 3 days earlier than expected. Do you know what else this means? It means I did the HSG test on CD11 instead of during the CD7-CD10 window. I don't know if that's really bad or not, but it doesn't make me happy. All of this, along with the fact that my boobs hurt again (which means exactly nothing), leaves me feeling a bit like I've spun out of control. Being the control freak I am...well I'm sure you can imagine. These factors also leave me feeling like this isn't THE month...again. Well, I guess I kind of always feel like that...probably so I don't have to feel any emotion when it isn't.

Which brings me to my next cause of stress. If I am not pregnant this month, I have to decide between doing the test or the procedure- for which I am unsure if I have the money- or decide to try naturally for one to a few more months. Honestly, I have no idea what to do. I'm lost and my emotions are only leading me a thousand different directions. I didn't think it would be this hard to decide...but how do you make that leap from natural to assisted? I thought what I wanted was a solution...but the more I think about it, the more doubts and fears I have about jumping. I just wish, for once, that SOMETHING would be easy. I guess all I can do now is wait, and hope that either this is THE month, or that I will find peace with at least one option. I need your advice friends!

To My Love

To the love of my life,

I feel like you are worried about me. You say you believe that I’m fine, that I’m not depressed, but I can’t shake the feeling that that you’re hiding the worry you have been feeling since you read my blog. I want you (and everyone) to know that I am fine. I am extremely happy in my life with you. I merely want to re-introduce my creative self into our little world. I want to branch out of the norm and really examine my life and the world around me. You truly inspire me and I LOVE YOU more than words could say. You are my everything and the reason I live and breathe. Without you I would be lost. I would love to be further inspired and truly appreciate the life we have. I want to give you (and me) back the creative part of me I’ve lost. If you will, I want to take you along on my journey of inspiration and discovery-in hopes that we will find a fuller life. Thank you for all that you have given me. I only hope I can give you more and more each day. I will keep giving until this life is over. When we meet eachother in eternity, we’ll take what we’ve learned, all the memories we’ve created, and present them before Heavenly Father. He will know we used the talents he gave us, and lived our lives for what they are- gifts from HIM. I love you with every waking breath, and even more when I am sleeping. I treasure all I have with you and wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING. Please know that I am happy, that I’m only trying to increase the joy I already feel in life. I am yours Always and Forever.

-Your Wife