tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56514708286823636872024-03-12T19:10:27.284-06:00Finding EquipoiseA journey to finding "equipoise" or "a state of balance" in life, love, motherhood, and creativity.Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.comBlogger263125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-22845517057150619932021-01-21T07:20:00.000-07:002023-11-27T16:17:44.044-07:00Hello Again<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; display: inline !important;">It’s been nearly five years since my last post. I feel a little sheepish saying that. I’ve kept this blog up and running, always intending to get on here and write, but intentions don’t get you far unless you turn them into actions. Clearly, writing hasn’t been top priority for a while. So much has changed in five years. My tiny girls are turning into young women, my work has become a higher priority, fitness is a favored hobby, Matt and I continue to grow and evolve and love each other more than ever. Despite the pandemic and the countless issues surrounding us, my little life is good.</span><br></div><div><br></div><div>On the other hand, so much is the same. I still wrestle with the ways I spend my time. Am I wasting too much time? Do I have to be an athlete OR a musician? Am I even really an athlete? Am I a magician if I rarely use my instruments? Can I still be considered a book lover if I only managed to read 16 books last year? What am I actually SUPPOSED to be doing with this life?</div><div><br></div><div>I created this blog almost a decade ago to start to answer these questions on how to find balance and I’m sad to report that I still haven’t found it. One thing I have learned over this past decade is that maybe equipoise isn’t so much the end game, but the figuring out how best to play the game of life. We all hope we can reach the end of our lives and say we lived them well. Do I think I am living the life I am supposed to? I don’t know yet, but it has definitely been a wild ride, a grand adventure, a sometimes mundane, sometimes incredibly painful, but often wonderful experience. </div><div><br></div><div>This year, my word is “intentional”. I chose it because, despite the fact that I don’t have everything figured out, I can be intentional with the moments I create each minute, hour, day, week month and so on. I don’t think I’ll reach the end of this year having lived every moment to the fullest. I intend to focus more on the intentions behind my thoughts, my actions, my time with the people I love, finding space and stillness, and in cultivating moments I will treasure. </div><div><br></div><div>I truly believe that the little things we do add up. One of my intentions is to do more things I truly love, like writing. Even if it is done in carved-out time while driving to get tacos through the drive through because we can’t eat inside, or stolen moments in the carpool lane, or after finally finishing an hour of brushing out the dog. If you choose to follow along, I welcome you. Just know that this will be a space of reflection and whatever thoughts tumble out of this head of mine, that never seems to stop. Excited to see what I can create from this year of intentional moments. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-84182360328703502082016-05-04T14:14:00.004-06:002023-11-27T16:17:53.370-07:00I Am Just Me<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I often come to visit this little blog of mine and leave before writing anything down. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I can't quite figure out what this little piece of Internet is about? Or perhaps I just don't have the words to express what I'm feeling at the time? Mostly, I think I just don't think people will care what I have to say. Which is just silly. I don't write for that reason. I write because I love the written word. I may not be perfect, or even great at it, but who cares? </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">How often do we go to do something and don't because we think it won't matter, that people won't care, or that it won't be worth our time? What matters is that we do what we feel compelled to do. So here I am. </span><br>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"I am." Self statements are often hard to answer for me. People want a big picture when they meet you. They want to try to understand who you are and what you love. While I understand who I am at the core, what I love is often changing or evolving and what I learn often shapes who I am a little more. I AM always looking to learn more, be better, understand more fully- I guess.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaeKxvNBKyXjL5G3IAHkF91FuE7UP-zBeBCcA-DGjh4JnFj8W_ebpDNGKoRN8SJR0-Ne-xJBFLuYixYlE_SRxBK67wCF3YcvAwH5K6CSva8E_RyFcZtbnuKl7PeHSBjhV55K2MqQ5EFMyc/s640/blogger-image-498672828.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaeKxvNBKyXjL5G3IAHkF91FuE7UP-zBeBCcA-DGjh4JnFj8W_ebpDNGKoRN8SJR0-Ne-xJBFLuYixYlE_SRxBK67wCF3YcvAwH5K6CSva8E_RyFcZtbnuKl7PeHSBjhV55K2MqQ5EFMyc/s640/blogger-image-498672828.jpg"></a></div><div><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br></span></div>Lately, my focus has centered around fitness, food, yoga, and obstacle course racing (OCR). But I am still a musician, a writer, an artist, a book-lover, a wife, a mother, a friend, an introvert, the list goes on. Here's my problem: how can I be all of those things at once?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The answer, of course, is: I can't. Or at least, I can't DO all of those things at once. I really struggle with this concept. Do you? I am constantly trying to fit all of these things into my day along with responsibilities like carting children around, cooking, cleaning, working, play dates, and TRYING to get to know people in my neighborhood- two years later. You guys. I just can't do it all! And it's so incredibly frustrating to me!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So, I start to let that negative self talk run rampant. The self that wants me to believe I'm not doing enough, I'm going to forget how to play the flute, that my vocal range is getting smaller, that I am no longer qualified to be a book lover because I struggle to read a novel a month, or that I am neglecting my children or my husband too much. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Then I remember the importance of positive self-talk. I am a creature of many talents. I may not excel at all of them, but I do what I love when I can and it fulfills me. Fitness, yoga and OCR has done WONDERS for my self esteem. To watch my body and mind become stronger is EMPOWERING. To spend quality time with Matt as we conquer those races is a GIFT and I TREASURE that time. My kids do not feel neglected. They get plenty of love and attention from us. They also get to watch us fulfill our responsibilities and also reach past our limits and achieve goals together and sometimes they even join in! More importantly, they say things like, "Look how strong I am, Mom!", "I am beautiful!", "Look how good I can draw a Cheetah!" In </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">a world where women are constantly told they aren't enough in one way or another, I am so grateful to hear them say these wonderful things about themselves! I hope I can be an example to them to reach high and dream big, or to just be brave enough to try something new. If nothing else, I hope that they will continue to be kind to themselves and others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am still learning positive self-talk...and trying to release the negative thoughts that have filled my head over the years. It has taken me YEARS to learn to love myself exactly as I am. I still struggle to do that sometimes and that's ok too. Perfection is unattainable, and learning from mistakes is why we are here. I am practicing being ok with my current focuses and circumstances. That everything really does have a season. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This is a season of life where I have to choose my family before anything else, and fit in my own fulfillment around work and other responsibilities. It is a season of never ending crumbs on the floor that will just have to wait until I get to them. It is a season of story time before bed and working late because of it. A time of stolen moments alone with Matt. This is a season of giving grace to myself for the things I can never get to and remembering to rejoice in all that I do accomplish. Also, learning to be ok with the days I forget all these wonderful lessons I have learned. I AM...exactly who I am supposed to be.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So, if you're still here reading my jumbled thoughts I am not going to have time to edit, please accept this parting thought: Whatever you are doing, whoever you are, it is enough. We are all such awesome and precious people. We just need to remember it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>Today's thoughts were stirred up by watching this video today:</i></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And for the men</span></i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Happy Wednesday friends! Be kind to yourself and to others.</span></div>
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Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-2558438361479882812015-04-23T18:17:00.000-06:002023-11-27T16:17:41.471-07:00Be Yourself?I was thinking about people. I have a hard time when I meet people because I don't know how to navigate that stretch of time between all the initial information (name, job, life, etc) to when they allow me to really know them. It's that acquaintance phase of friendship that is difficult for me. I don't know how to act, or how much to share, or if someone wants to be friends or if they think I'm ridiculous. Perhaps I just over analyze things too much. <br />
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I am a pretty open person, yet I keep some things close to my heart until I feel safe enough to let people in. I think everyone does this to some extent, and certainly some more than others. We fear people seeing us just as we are. That they might not like what they see. It's that fear in us that makes us apologize to company when the house is a mess. Or for how we look, what we say. Deep within us lies an innate need to feel accepted. To be truly seen and not judged. There is a great amount of peace when a relationship reaches a point where you can truly be yourself without fear of rejection. Sadly, these types of relationships are rare finds.<br />
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I came across this photo online today. I thought it was so beautiful. What if we could read the story of each person we meet? How amazing would it be to have the instant ability to know another person's heart? How many more friendships would we cultivate and how quickly would acceptance occur? Instead of peeling back layers over time, we could cut right through to the core of someone. So many of us hide our sorrow, our dark moments. We all have pasts that hold our many mistakes. No one has led a perfect life. Yet we hesitate to share those dark moments with each other even though they are often the moments that shaped us the most.<br />
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Even our present moments are kept behind closed doors. We don't want the neighbors to know that we can't keep a pristine house, or see that life has thrown us a huge curve ball and we have been in the same clothes for three days. We don't want to be seen without make-up, or in our pajamas. We apologize for our messy cars and our disorganized minds. I once turned down some help I truly needed because I was too afraid to let someone into my mess. By now you would think that we would all realize that perfection is as unattainable as unassisted flight. <br />
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Over the years I have worked to fight off my tendency to hide who I really am. I lived in the story that I am a perfectionist for so long that I was almost in denial that having kids had made my "perfect" tendencies almost impossible to actually live. I have learned that the more I let people see me as I am, the more comfortable they are being themselves. I have seen firsthand the relief in the eyes of someone when I claim or relate to their similar troubles. Yet I still have a hard time trusting that the real me won't be shunned. <br />
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<strong><em>“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”</em></strong> <br />― <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/99650.Wendy_Mass">Wendy Mass</a>, <i><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/12907434">The Candymakers</a> </i><br />
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I love this quote. I see it often on social media and it is an excellent message. Wouldn't it be even better, though, to let people into our battles so they can help? In this age of virtual reality it is so easy to connect to people across the world. But I fear that this kind of connection will never be a real one as we all tend to only show our best selves in the virtual world. I am not suggesting that we air our dirty laundry to the world, but perhaps if a neighbor came over and saw that I had piles of dirty laundry, they might feel less worried about their own piles, right?<br />
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Since I work from home and I like my own company, I tend to abuse social media and forget to go see people in real life. Yet it is those solid and real connections that I crave. I want nothing more than to have friends within walking distance who will just show up at my house anytime and vice-versa. I love to talk real life with people and share worries, joys, burdens and accomplishments. I like to truly know people and be trusted with their hearts. It's just that long acquaintance step I wish we could skip. So, if I am awkward when I meet you, just know I am testing the waters. Throw me a rope in the form of something real about yourself and I will gladly grab on.<br />
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<em>Does anyone else experience this? I wonder if more outgoing people feel differently than me? What do you wish people knew about you?</em> </div>
Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-5221325077604173882015-04-20T23:59:00.000-06:002023-11-27T16:17:41.855-07:00How Do You Fill Your Bucket?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEich-T4lQWFC0kvwLn-a1AVKR_HmLUxRrXz2ekB9PP8uQePtJFi1Kxnq-dxUoSQrLRs4hcPpxTucz-IhypwNC1M3CkCpF_LqAu91JoqxNirG-4ySLZh0NSHIgEbselU6uupvcmbnUMSVPBn/s640/blogger-image--994912726.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEich-T4lQWFC0kvwLn-a1AVKR_HmLUxRrXz2ekB9PP8uQePtJFi1Kxnq-dxUoSQrLRs4hcPpxTucz-IhypwNC1M3CkCpF_LqAu91JoqxNirG-4ySLZh0NSHIgEbselU6uupvcmbnUMSVPBn/s320/blogger-image--994912726.jpg" width="240"></a><strong>I always thought I had to lose myself in Motherhood.</strong><br>
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Don't get me wrong, in a lot of ways, we do. The hours, the demands, the putting another<span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;">person's interests before your own and so many other facets of motherhood, it changes you. But when I</span> became a mother I found that completely losing myself didn't work for me. In fact, it didn't work for my kids either.<br>
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I spent my first year of motherhood completely devoted to my Zoe. When you have a newborn this is necessary in a lot of ways. They are completely dependent on you. As they hit milestones they look to you to navigate them through rolling over, crawling, walking, eating, and playing. Not to mention it had taken us over two years to conceive her. She was my sole focus in life before she ever even existed here on earth. So I gave her my time. Matt and I almost never went on dates or she would often come with us if we did. He was not my focus, let alone me.<br>
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After the first year I started to feel human again. I was done nursing, I started showering in the mornings again instead of whenever I could find a minute, I tried to get out of the house more. Yet my days were still centered around Zoe's nap schedule. Life was still all about her. Then I got pregnant with Paige.</div>
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My second pregnancy was completely different from my first. I was down and out. If I was upright I was unbearably nauseous. Plus I had to take care of a 16 month old and still work. I was exhausted all the time. I felt like I could barely function. As the pregnancy progressed, things got a bit easier, but it was a hard pregnancy and by the end of it, I was so completely done.</div>
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When Paige was born, I made her my world again. At the expense of Zoe and my marriage and especially myself. She was a very sleepy baby, but only during the day. At night she was hard to get to sleep. Plus, she had acid reflux like her sister- making life with a baby and a two year old even harder. At the time, I was in survival mode. I felt I was barely hanging on, but I made it through the days and we found a routine.<br>
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<strong>Two months later my marriage fell apart.</strong> </div>
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Now, there were many reasons for this, but what it really boiled down to was that we had not nurtured our relationship in a very long time and communication was not something we had worked at. He had his faults and I had mine. To say it was a difficult time is a massive understatement. I was broken and in pain.<br>
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Almost overnight I became a single Mom with two small children and a job. I would stay up late at night and examine myself and my life. I lost a lot of weight in a very short time. As I stared into the mirror at the face that then looked so much like the face of my youth I realized I had no idea who I was anymore. I was so lost in motherhood and in my image of myself as a wife that I had forgotten to hang on to the things that made me who I was. My kids didn't know how much I loved music and writing. Zoe had such a hard time gaining a sister because I had made her my whole world until that wasn't possible anymore. I had given my family everything I had except what they really needed: Me.<br>
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It was at that moment that I discovered the most important lesson I have learned so far: <br>
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<strong>Motherhood doesn't require us to give up who we are.</strong><br>
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So I made some immediate changes. I started doing things that made me feel like myself. Things I enjoyed. I shared them with my children. I let them hear me sing aloud in the house and play the piano. I pulled out my flute. I started writing again. I thought for so long that doing these things, taking "time away from them" to do things I loved would be selfish. I learned that our children need to see who we are. They need to see what makes us special. <br>
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Our children were sent to us for a reason. We have talents and gifts that are best suited towards raising them to be the best people they can be. Putting aside things we love, losing ourselves in our children, not remembering to care for ourselves is not a service to them or to us. How will we raise them to have self confidence, to love who they are, to believe that they can be anyone or anything they choose to be if we don't set the example?<br>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNaRI89t6uNBXm2Hk0ZUE8nNx9iWImOHdqR_3rU0-XIQQzTfeDVbSrQtqB6Yp9gYdvtqLVsrUyu0WXGEuZiEP6_kpxhYVh0xceerlpWfhEUvimC5FEGPSjh9v3KF51Mwnyk_YgM8eENm0j/s640/blogger-image-1812107997.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNaRI89t6uNBXm2Hk0ZUE8nNx9iWImOHdqR_3rU0-XIQQzTfeDVbSrQtqB6Yp9gYdvtqLVsrUyu0WXGEuZiEP6_kpxhYVh0xceerlpWfhEUvimC5FEGPSjh9v3KF51Mwnyk_YgM8eENm0j/s320/blogger-image-1812107997.jpg" width="240"></a>Matt and I fixed our marriage. We learned the hard way what happens when a relationship isn't properly nourished. We learned to communicate and to help each other become our best selves. We learned that the best thing we can do for our kids together is provide them the stability and example of a good marriage. Similarly, we must properly nourish ourselves so we don't fall apart.</div>
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The last few years I have explored this concept further. I started running and got into fitness and healthy eating and really started paying attention to my body and my spirit. I now know that in order to give my kids my best self, I have to take care of me, too. <br>
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I have learned more about myself. I know that I need to recharge after being around a lot of people. I know that my temper is triggered by lack of sleep, stress, and feeling rushed. I know that I feel more powerful and in control when I get a workout in every day- not to mention the endorphins, energy and the stress relief that gives me. I know that when I provide my body with good food I have the energy to accomplish my tasks AND give my kids what they need from me. I know that too much sugar makes my emotions less stable. I know that reading scriptures, saying prayers, and allowing myself moments of silence throughout the day helps me to get my mind, body and spirit working together and in the right place. I know that some days I just need to curl up with a good book, do yoga, write, or get in a good, mind-cleansing run.<br>
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<strong>Knowing all these things doesn't help me to be perfect, but it does help me to be a better Mother, wife, and person.</strong><br>
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I look at it this way. I have a bucket. From this bucket I give my kids love, basic care, a listening ear, playtime, taxi service, help with homework as well as trying to teach them to love our Heavenly Father and be kind human beings. Also from this bucket I love and support my husband and give him what he needs from me. The bucket provides the means to fulfill responsibilities to my job and in my home. It is where I find my ability to fulfill my church callings and my ability to serve others. The bucket is how I remember to nurture the important relationships in my life. Or do necessary things like buy the groceries and pay the bills. The bucket allows me to do everything I need to do in my life. If that bucket is empty, how can I possibly accomplish all these things? I have to fill up that bucket regularly if I am going to keep using it.<br>
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<strong>My little world needs that bucket...and that bucket is ME!</strong> <br>
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I am not saying that we should be selfish. I am not saying to ignore your baby's screaming to finish a workout. I am not saying to lock yourself in your room with a book for a whole day and let your toddler run freely. Or that being a devoted Mom is a bad thing. I am not saying that a newborn baby doesn't take every ounce of time and energy you have. I am not telling you to exercise! I am not saying you aren't enough because you ARE!<br>
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I am just suggesting that by taking better care of ourselves, perhaps we learn to better care for others. Or, at least, we offer the best of what we have. There will come a time as a person, a wife, a mother, a parent, a friend, or even an employee that you will feel depleted. You will feel like you can't stay upright, you cannot give another ounce, you cannot take another step, lift another finger. Your bucket will be empty or close to it. When that time comes you will need to know who you are and what you need to do to keep going. <br>
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<strong>How do you fill your bucket?</strong><br>
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Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-51530664933117682742015-04-16T22:20:00.000-06:002023-11-27T16:17:48.671-07:00Quieting the ChaosOften, after I settle my girls in bed, my evenings are spent working or laying on the couch watching television or cleaning the kitchen. Tonight as I sat down to turn on the TV I hesitated as I noticed the calm peace that had settled over my home. Not wanting to disturb that peace, I turned here instead.<br />
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Lately my family has had a difficult time getting along. When I say my family, I mean every single one of us. I have been tired and grumpy and stressed. Matt has felt similar feelings and also has work issues he carries home with him. The girls and I are desperately trying to get back into our normal routine after a difficult month in March. They are fighting a lot more, arguing with us, being disobedient, lazy, pushing our buttons harder. I told a friend today that I sometimes feel like my kids have been replaced with rude aliens. When my kids are acting up and I am not at my best and most energetic, well, let's just say that my attitude probably doesn't help much.<br />
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Tonight we were having another rough evening. Everyone's tone of voice was on edge. There was so much contention going on! Matt and I were both exhausted and trying to get dinner made. My home felt chaotic and unsettled and I felt like we were all going to either explode or kill each other if I didn't do something to change our environment and our attitudes. So I took the advice my Mother gave me as a small child when we talked about what I could do when I was angry or scared or unsettled: I turned to the Hymns. <br />
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Thank goodness for technology! I opened up the <a href="http://www.pandora.com/">Pandora</a> app on my phone and plugged it into the speaker and bathed my home and my family in Hymns. Within moments I felt more peaceful. Within minutes, my kids were getting along and laughing as Zoe worked on her math program for school as Paige watched. Matt calmed down and got a bit of rest on the couch as I finished up the dishes. <br />
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I have a strong belief and testimony of the power of good music in our lives. I have always felt the Spirit of my Heavenly Father strongest through music. It is through using my talents that I am able to most fully express myself and my testimony. Maybe it isn't that way for everyone. I know that music speaks to me in a different way than it does to others. It is almost as if music is my most innate language. Music skips words and thought and just goes directly to my heart. <br />
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The music flowing through my home this evening changed our environment, softened our hearts and allowed the Spirit to calmly reside here. That one decision changed the entire course of our evening. No, my kids weren't perfect, but they were better and I was far more patient and understanding. We ended the evening with scriptures and prayers, a song for each of them and a few giggles and I feel so much better about how the end of the day played out. I was able to stop and really appreciate them for who they are. I was able to really enjoy them.<br />
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I know I have been so blessed every time I look at my family. We are so fortunate to have a roof over our heads, to have our basic needs not just met but exceeded, to have insurance and good jobs, but most of all to have each other. When life gets hectic and busy it is so easy for me to get frustrated with the attitudes of my kids. Or when they get really needy when I am doing something. When I am tired it is easy to say I don't want to play house right now. But the thing is, it really is just as easy to do the opposite- if I can bring peace to myself and my home.<br />
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I need to always remember to stop and take the time to invite peace into my home and into my heart so that I can always give my children my best self instead of my crazy, frustrated self. Tonight those Hymns helped me to do that. Tomorrow that may look like 10 minutes of decompression and meditation in my room. Or yoga before bed to quiet my mind and my soul. It could be five deep breaths in the pantry. I have plenty of tools before me. I have learned these lessons. I just need to remember to put them into practice every day.<br />
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Now I'm off to get some work done as I enjoy this quiet I have created in my space. I hope you all have a peaceful evening!<br />
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<em>I know that Hymns may not work for everyone. Especially those who believe differently than me. What do you do to bring peace to your home or to yourself? What quiets the chaos in your life or in your heart?</em>
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Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-88923501031659469112015-03-12T07:49:00.001-06:002023-11-27T16:17:54.963-07:00Lessons I Learned From YogaOn Thursday mornings you will most often find me leading a yoga class before the sun rises with some pretty amazing women. Yoga has always been something I was interested in and would do occasionally. It was a gentle way to stretch and strengthen my body. Over the last year, it has become a deeper thing and a more regular part of my life.<div><br></div><div>I went from loving yoga to leading a class in about five seconds after a sweet friend basically told me to do it and that I could. So, I believed her, and I did. Let me tell you, those first few classes were scary! I didn't know these women very well yet, and I was afraid of judgment and doing it wrong. As time went on, I felt more confident- partially because of the sweet support of my friends. Now I am writing new sequences all the time, reading books, doing research, finding new poses and different ways to combine them, and sharing my love of yoga with anyone who will listen.</div><div><br></div><div>Yoga has been such an integral and positive thing in my life and I am so grateful for the push I received to make it a priority. This point in my life is a time of learning and absorbing for me. I know that without my yoga practice I would not be as open to learning as I am now. Yoga has helped me learn to process my thoughts, learn deep breathing and meditation, learn to control my breath and my heart rate- which helps me so much to not panic in every day life. It has made me stronger and more confident in my body and abilities. Yoga, practiced often, has increased my strength and flexibility mentally, emotionally and physically. Most importantly, though, it has taught me that I can do hard things, that I can remove the chaos from my mind, and that I can control my focus. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">These tools have been so helpful to me, completely outside of exercise. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Today, after yoga, I took some time to be still, to read my scriptures, to say a prayer and really allow the Spirit in for the day. Yoga opens my mind and body up to so much that I felt a huge difference, a calm peace fell over me and I received it because I was open to doing so. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">When I got up this morning I was tired and sore and I didn't feel I would get much out of yoga today. I need to, in those early moments of the day, remember what yoga brings to my life. It is one of my tools to support myself in being open to receive good things and release bad things, to allow me to be closer to my Heavenly Father, to find and tune into whatever my focus is for the day. Today, I realized the full value of something I have come to truly love and the lesson that I learned from it, and want to share with you, is to find what opens you up. Find what allows you to bring goodness into yourself and helps you to focus. Find whatever that is and practice it often. You will be amazed at the difference it makes in your life when you are open to receive and allowing your true self to come forward. Have a beautiful day! Namaste.</span></div>Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-33156410893960058292015-03-11T01:15:00.001-06:002023-11-27T16:17:46.622-07:00That MomI am that Mom. You know, the one who can't ever get the laundry folded. I come into my bedroom every night to find the clean piles I managed to separate into baskets dumped all over the floor in a child's eager attempt to find pajamas or underwear. I am the Mom who's bathroom desperately needs to be cleaned. Who really needs to vacuum. I am the Mom who sometimes has trouble getting showered for the day. I often have dishes piled in the sink and crumbs on the floor. I am the Mom who has to apologize to my kids often. <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> I am the impatient Mom, pushing them to move a little faster, be a little better, go a little farther.</span> I lose my temper or hurt their feelings or get frustrated with them for being who they are. I am the Mom who just can't deal with the paint or the play dough today. Or play that game one more time. I am the Mom who "can't right now because I have to work." <div><br></div><div>I am also the Mom who suggests impromptu family bike rides/walks after a stressful day. I am the Mom who works late at night so I can sometimes take my kids to the park instead. I am the Mom who sometimes takes my kids up on their invitation to play "house" and manages to survive young girls pretending to be teenagers with boyfriends who's names are eerily the same as their Dad's. I am the Mom who holds storytime and sometimes does voices. I am the Mom who puts my girls to bed a little late because I gave them some quiet one-on-one time to talk with me. I am the Mom who teaches my children to be kind above all else, to be grateful for everyone and everything they have, and to always do their best. I am the Mom who tries to help my children understand their Heavenly Father and how to talk to Him. <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am the Mom who's children know how loved they are. Who tries to always impart to them just how proud I am of them. </span></div><div><br></div><div>I lay here tonight in bed thinking over the day. All the failures, everything that didn't get done. All the frustrations, the conflicts, the issues, the fact that I am once again going to bed way too late, and trying to find a positive in a rough day. I just need to remind myself that, despite all my shortcomings as a Mom, as a wife, as a woman, as a person, as a daughter of God, I am enough. What I did today, it was enough. Tomorrow is a new day. And yes, I fully intend to make tomorrow better. I may fail. I will make mistakes. I probably will still not get to clean my bathroom, or do every fun thing my kids want me to, or get that pile of laundry folded. But tonight my daughter cried after I reminded her again just exactly how proud and lucky I am to be her Mother. She fell into my arms and said, "I just love you so much!" My other daughter beamed at hearing that I was proud of her for simply being herself. The day may not have been the best, but the way it ended tells me that I am doing ok. It is enough for today. I will always, always try to do better than my best for them. I will never be completely satisfied with my performance as their Mom. I will keep learning, keep trying, keep striving for balance. But, <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am that Mom who fiercely loves my kids, and they fiercely love me too. And that is more than enough for today.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">(I know it has been a while since I have written. I just had all these thoughts exploding in my head so I thought I would write them here in case someone else needed to hear them too. And just in case that is you, know this: You are enough, too.) Goodnight!!</span></div>Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-52300535410186753052013-08-01T22:59:00.000-06:002023-11-27T16:17:48.926-07:00Kindergarten<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Tomorrow is my baby's first day of Kindergarten . <br />
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Just let that sink in for a moment....<br />
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Remember way back when, towards the very beginning of this blog, when I struggled to conceive? <br />
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Remember how we were finally blessed with a beautiful little angel that we named Zoe? <br />
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It seems like just yesterday she was born and yet, TOMORROW, she is going to Kindergarten.<br />
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I simply can't believe it.<br />
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There are so many things I'm worried about. What if kids are mean to my little tender heart? What if she learns terrible habits from other kids? What if she gets sick all the time? What if something happens and she is scared to tell me? What if she doesn't have any friends? What if her teacher doesn't recognize her strengths? What if...<br />
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Deep down I know she'll be ok. I know this is a new chapter in her life, a chapter I crossed into once. I turned out just fine. I know this and yet I can still hear her upstairs awake at 10:30 at night and when I ask her why she says she can't sleep because she is nervous about Kindergarten. And what do I say? She has every right to be nervous. So I remind her about the great things to expect in Kindergarten and tell her to get some rest so she is not exhausted tomorrow and it's the best I can do.<br />
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Tomorrow I have to release her into the world's hands. I will still be there to guide her, but I will no longer be her only lighthouse. Others will enter her world as people who can lead and guide her. All I can do is pray that the ones she listens to will be good influences.<br />
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That is an awful lot to ask of a parent...especially one like me with some control issues.<br />
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I get teary-eyed just thinking about letting her walk through the doors of the school. Thinking about how I will miss her constant singing and talking. How much I will miss that entire morning of the next year of Monday-Fridays spending time with her. Or just having her around. I will miss her giggle when she makes me laugh or finds something funny. I will even miss her arguing with her sister...and especially miss her watching out for her sister. <br />
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Instead I have a school telling she has 10 vacation days from school and that a doctors note might be needed for sick days. A school is now going to tell me what to do with my child and when? That's a hard pill to swallow. <br />
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On the other hand, I value education so much. And my child loves to learn. School presents new opportunities for learning and growth, which is something I want for my Zoe. I see her strengths, I see her doing well in school. Her bubbly personality will attract friends, and I pray that her kind heart will not be taken advantage of. I am so excited for her and yet so scared for her.<br />
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I guess I echo her sentiments when I asked if she was excited about school tomorrow. She said, "Yes, but I'm still a little nervous."<br />
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I will never be ready to let her go, but I will anyway because that's what parents do. We teach them what we can and then we let them fly. They fly further and further, a little more each time until someday it's time to let them fly free and live their lives. And we hope we did our best to prepare them. I hope I have done my best to prepare her for this next step. Time will tell.<br />
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Send me positive thoughts tomorrow please...and even more for her Dad. He might just be worse off than me.Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-44649920634011684202013-01-31T23:16:00.000-07:002023-11-27T16:17:47.902-07:00To my Zoe,When you were just new I wrote you these letters far more often. As time has passed, life has become far more busy and The days fly by so quickly. It seems only moments ago that I held you for the first time. Now you are less than six months from being five! So, I wanted to take a little moment to document what you are like now, and tell you some things I think you need to know.<br />
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You are a sensitive soul. Tears flow freely from your eyes for many reasons. Sometimes it's a sad part in a movie, sometimes it's that you broke something you loved, and sometimes it's that you got in trouble. I sometimes get frustrated with this, but mostly I think it is one of your best qualities. You care, deeply. Not everyone is like that. It's part of what makes you so special. I love when you see that I am down, or frustrated, or even upset and you try to do something to make me feel better. I hope you are always so watchful of those around you.<br />
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My favorite thing about you at this age is that you are quite a performer! You amaze me with your ability to memorize lyrics and song tunes. You sing all the time. ALL the time. It is something you have done since before you could talk. You used to ride your tricycle around and around singing as loudly as you could. You still sing loud, without restraint, paying no mind to your surroundings. You love to dance and put on plays and performances for us. Also, a little bossy, you tell us we all have to clap for you when you're done.<br />
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You have the BEST giggle. I love to catch you by surprise or tickle you any chance I get just so I can hear your musical laugh. It's infectious. You love life. You love to be happy and playing. You LOVE every single ounce of time you get playing with me. I know we've been super busy lately, but even when we are, you are always willing to help out by cleaning your room, making your bed or helping me wipe the table to make sure our house stays clean so it doesn't get "full of junk and bugs" as you say. You always try to help out in a silky way or while being goofy to try and make it fun.<br />
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You are so full of energy it is sometimes hard to keep up with you. It's like you are about to burst at any given moment. But chasing you around is my absolute pleasure. I am so proud and grateful to be your Mom. <br />
<br />Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-8354977900352702792013-01-10T22:49:00.000-07:002023-11-27T16:17:42.624-07:00Post Christmas Blues CureI finally took all my Christmas decorations down today. It was especially hard for me to let go of Christmas this year. I always get a little depressed after Christmas is over and want to hang onto it as long as I can. Perhaps it was because I was so excited for this Christmas. My girls were so much fun to watch as they anticipated the arrival of Santa. Although, the "I wants" were numerous this year thanks to all the well placed toy advertisements. Still, they managed to narrow things down to must-haves and we were able to get a couple of books to help them understand the reason we celebrate Christmas. <br />
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They also were very sweet and giving. I got the cutest homemade drawing from Zoe that Matt helped her wrap. I love that it's the homemade things, the presents made and given with love that mean the most. We were all spoiled this year.<br />
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When I'm feeling down, I find the best thing to do is count my blessings. I am so grateful for all that I have. Matt and I have good, stable jobs that allow us to live in a comfortable, warm home and provide for our family. I am blessed to have a close relationship with my Heavenly Father. We are blessed with two amazing girls who bring joy to our lives and teach us patience daily. We are blessed with individual talents. Matt and I have each other, and if you've been reading this blog long, you'll understand why that is such an important blessing. We also have amazing family and friends who we literally wouldn't be able to survive without. <br />
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I have plenty of goals for the year, plenty of things I want to learn and become, plenty that I want to have. I will get to posting all those as soon as I can. Tonight, I just wanted to take a minute to start the year taking notice of all that I am blessed with. It has made me feel a little less sad that my favorite time of year is gone for now. Can't wait to see what the future holds! Have a good night friends!Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-211503352151266552012-12-18T22:47:00.001-07:002023-11-27T16:17:40.789-07:00MercyAs I helped Zoe into bed tonight, I was studying two blankets that were carefully draped over her headboard. She looked at me, removed the blankets and said, "Mom, look." I looked and discovered that, during quiet time, she decided to color her entire headboard with purple crayon. Astonished, I cried, "Zoe!" Her lip immediately pouted and tears welled up in her eyes as she quietly said, "I just wanted it to be purple and not white." The tears became sobs and she fell into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her. Surprisingly, I was not mad- not one bit. Instead I remembered a book we have read often about a little girl who colored her new ice skates pink because white was so boring. I smiled and pulled her little face into my hands and said, "Honey, it is OK to make mistakes. I love you no matter what you do. Thank you for telling me what you did. What are we supposed to color on?" She replied, "Paper." We said a few more words and agreed to keep the crayons downstairs from now on. Still she continued to apologize as I took the magic eraser (seriously, thank you whoever invented that!!) to her headboard. I thanked her for apologizing and told her I knew she was sorry, that what she did was not OK, but that I wasn't mad. <br />
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As I tucked her into bed, she kept hugging me. I'm not sure if she was surprised that I wasn't mad and hugging me happily or hugging me for reassurance, but I gave her extra hugs and kisses before bed. She told me she was happy to have a clean blankie and I told her I was so happy to have her. After a song, a few more snuggles and "I love yous," I left her room and she fell asleep quickly.<br />
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In those few moments I became leaps and bounds closer to my daughter. I can only imagine her fear as she pulled those blankets off to show me what she had done. I remember having the same fear as a child when I decided to try to cut my own bangs. I know I have failed to be my best self many times as a parent. I yell more than I want to and sometimes say things I regret later. I always apologize, but I live with a lot of guilt as I try to overcome my quick-tempered, natural tendencies. <br />
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Tonight, I showed my child mercy, and I gained her trust. I only hope I can keep it as she reveals far worse mistakes as she gets older. I was proud of myself and how I handled it, and thankful that I was able to keep my cool.<br />
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A few minutes later, I thought of my Heavenly Father. In order to understand Him better, I often compare parenting children to Him watching over all of us. I think it is the closest I will ever come to truly understanding His love for me. I mean, with all my imperfections, he blessed me with two of his most precious and beautiful souls to care for, to teach, and to love. Just that alone shows me how much love He has for me, and how much trust He has put in me. <br />
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Every day I fail Him. Every day I make mistakes. Each and every time I do, He wraps me in His warm embrace and tells me, "It's OK to make mistakes. I love you no matter what you do." He gives me trials to help me learn, helps me to see my mistakes and correct them, and provides more blessings to me than I could ever deserve. <br />
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I hope to be more like Him in my parenting. I know I won't be perfect, but I know it is how I want to raise my kids. Tonight showed me that it is possible, and that I am learning to be better than I am. I am grateful for that gift, especially after a long and trying day. I am so thankful to know that I can be better, that I can do anything as long as I do my best and let my Father in Heaven make up for what I lack. My greatest hope is that my children will always feel my undying, unconditional love for them, no matter what.Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-54403418439022270112012-11-27T14:11:00.001-07:002023-11-27T16:17:49.183-07:00Not drowning...just barely treadingI know it's been a long time since I blogged. Why? I just don't have a lot of free seconds lately. Right now I am finger-typing this on my phone while I wait for Paige to finish her lunch and lay down for a nap so I can work.<br />
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Much of my free time since September has been spent elbow deep in preparing to sing/ play piano (one piece!) for The Messiah by Handel which my church choir will be performing selections from in a few weeks. I have enjoyed being so focused on music. It is hard work but also brings peace to my soul as I exercise the talents I have been given which, admittedly, are a bit rusty.<br />
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Zoe also started pre-school in September and the resulting schedule change has really thrown me for a loop. I still am not accustomed to it yet. Hopefully soon. Thankfully, Zoe loves preschool and really seems to be thriving. She has learned to write some letters, her name, many songs, and has made a few new friends. My favorite part of her school days is the discussion of what she did in class after I pick her up. She is amazing.<br />
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Paige seems to have blossomed overnight from a baby to a very tall, very sassy and smart two-year-old. She amazes me with her sentence structure, singing and counting daily. Also amazing? Her temper! Wow. Usually she is mild mannered and cooperative, though. She really enjoys our stolen minutes while Zoe is at school before and after her nap. She comes alive when she doesn't have to compete with her older sister. Still, she idolizes Zoe and follows her anywhere she can. <br />
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Don't worry, when they are not feeling sweet they definitely fight like cats and dogs. <br />
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Between all that, work and continuing to maintain a somewhat healthy lifestyle, I am one busy lady. <br />
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I do miss it here though. A lot. So I will try to be better about posting. Even if it is quickly composed on my phone during a stolen moment. <br />
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Thanks for still being here. Talk to you soon!Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-35892425662866439932012-08-11T08:10:00.000-06:002023-11-27T16:17:47.134-07:00This Thing Called LifeI have been struggling a lot with balance lately. I feel like I'm constantly running behind. There is always too much housework, too many work hours to fulfill, not enough time for running, not enough time for playing, and definitely not time for blogging. I truly feel like if I give up time to do one thing I am taking away precious time to do other important things. <br />
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For example, I have kept up with running, but it has been sporadic. The discipline is not there. Nor is it present in my eating habits. The problem is, I know exactly what I need to do and how to get there. I just need to figure out the motivating factor. A lot of it comes down to procrastination. "Oh, I didn't get up early enough to run before working. That's OK, I'll run tonight." And then it never happens.<br />
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Procrastination has always been something difficult to overcome for me. I love a clean house, but give me a good book and I can ignore the mess for a while. I always feel like there will be time to "do it later." Unfortunately, that's not how life works. When I let everything get chaotic, or don't stay on top of things, something always happens that make me have to refocus and get back on top of things. This time, that something has been my kitchen floor.<br />
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If you'll remember with me, I mentioned that we were redoing our floor in our main living space at the beginning of the year. We completed the floor in a couple of weeks. I spent weeks at a time after that doing little projects here and there to try and finish. Once I got close, and had let everything else slip while I was focused on the flooring projects, my girls managed to spill enough water in the kitchen that it got under our floating, laminate wood floor. So, I had to rip everything up in the kitchen and do it again. I got it all put back together, except we never installed the trim that goes around the cabinets. <br />
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I haven't posted pictures of this project because it was only recently that I got my house completely put back together, thanks to my brother-in-law. All that was left was the trim. Unfortunately, as I walked across the floor a couple days ago, it felt bumpy and not smooth. I took a closer look and, to my horror, noticed the floor was warping in several places. I am uncertain how water got underneath the floor this time as I took several precautions to keep water out. It obviously did, though, so we have to rip it up again.<br />
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I spent about a day in outright anger at this turn of events. We had just, read: that day, paid off all of our credit card debt. Several great things were happening in our lives. I felt like I would finally have time to catch up on everything. Then this threw a huge wrench in our lives. An immediate problem needing to be dealt with swiftly amongst all the other things I have been procrastinating for another day.<br />
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What have I learned from this? It is worth it to make the effort to do a little at a time in everything. It is better to only go for a 20 minute run than do nothing at all. Keep my work schedule exact and don't to try to maneuver time around so I don't end up having to work a bunch of hours at the end of the week. Eat well every day with maybe a few cheats here and there, rather than to eat well sometimes and eat horribly at others. Read a little bit every day instead of spending hours at one time.<br />
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Most importantly? Life waits for no one. Things happen every day, good and bad. Being angry or even happy doesn't change a thing. I just need to do my best to live out each day to my best ability. Learning to let go of small things and focus on the big important ones is something I really need to master. Procrastination only makes the job larger and more difficult. A little at a time, all the time goes a long way.<br />
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Wish me luck with my floor! Maybe I'll stop procrastinating and post some pictures when it's done.<br />
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<em>How do you overcome procrastination? How do you react to the unexpected?</em><br />Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-60177033820116353062012-07-08T12:05:00.001-06:002023-11-27T16:17:50.679-07:00VacationThis is going to be short because I'm blogging from my phone as we drive through Colorado's portion of the Rocky Mountains. <br />
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We just spent the last week in Iowa visiting Matt's brother and his family. I was just sitting here reflecting on our trip and feeling so relaxed. <br />
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Often, when we go on vacation, we get home feeling like we need another vacation. While the drive has been long, two days there and now two days back, it has been the most fun and relaxing vacation we have taken in a while. <br />
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We spent the first few days at their house, hanging out, talking, going to dinner, playing with the kids, and trying to keep cool (I had forgotten what humidity was like). Then on Tuesday evening we headed out to their lake house.<br />
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While there we had limited cell reception, no Internet access and we were surrounded by trees and a beautiful lake. We spent hours in the water swimming and boating. Matt and Zoe did some fishing. The girls weren't too keen on swimming but they played for hours on the beach. <br />
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There were limited things to do and it was so nice. No rushed, fast-paced living, just the quiet, calm of life on he lake away from the rest of the world. <br />
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It was healing for my soul. I feel relaxed and recharged. The best part is that I got to know that part of our family better. If you guys are reading this, thank you for everything. We love you!<br />
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Even now, on the long drive, I am relaxed as I have spent the hours with my nose in a book or taking in our beautiful surroundings. <br />
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A few more hours and we'll be back to normal life. Guess I'd better enjoy it while I can! <br />
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Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-56494071824917414242012-06-29T11:45:00.000-06:002023-11-27T16:17:49.567-07:00Five Minute Friday: DanceIt's been a while since I participated in Five Minute Friday, but here I am, blogging on my phone as we make a trek to Iowa to visit family. Please visit Lisa-Jo for the rules and to join in <a href="http://lisajobaker.com/2012/06/five-minute-friday-dance/">here</a>!!
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Today's Prompt: Dance
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Go.
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We dance through the rhythm of young parenthood. The music and it's beat ever changing.
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Our halls cluttered with toys and the laughter and screaming of little girls. Our hearts full of the song of love we never knew we could feel so deeply.
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Sometimes we find ourselves slow dancing through a grownup movie or a stolen moment in the night.
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Mostly we are moving endlessly- like we're part of an endless rave only the drugs are merely lack of sleep.
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We dance along and try to find our way when the music changes, getting up when we stumble and fall.
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Sometimes we get tired and want to stop, but the music never stops so we keep moving through the rough moments and eventually find the beauty in every melody.
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Of all the dances in our lives this is the most important. See, as we dance, little feet are picking up our rhythms, and learning their own moves.
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Stop.
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What is your dance?Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-21584537420354712032012-06-24T23:11:00.003-06:002023-11-27T16:17:43.659-07:00Guess what I did?I have been away from this space as the usual busyness of my life exploded into chaos. We are all fine, learning to manage things again. My Mom is in town visiting with my little brother. It is nice to have her here. We are also preparing to leave on a trip to Iowa to visit Matt's brother the end of this week. It will be so nice to be away from home and work and spend a few of those days at a lake. And I am also about to have a four year old roaming the house.<br />
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Now that you've been updated, I will tell you what I did. As I prepared for the 5k I ran last month I created a habit of running four times weekly. I have fallen in love with this habit all over again after years of not running. Recently I was approached to take a spot in a local half marathon. My first instinct was adamant refusal. I talked with a friend and experienced runner who had run the race before and she was sure I could do it. I thought about it for a few days and finally decided to try, simply to see if I could. <br />
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The last couple weeks I increased the length of my runs minimally and had planned to do a trial run last week. I woke up late and found out that I wouldn't be able to run it after all. I decided to only run 6.5 miles- the furthest I had ever run. Then my friend said I could run in place of her sister's son. I was excited, especially after almost losing the opportunity. I was also nervous because I had no idea if I could even run that far. <br />
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Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 am and prepared to leave. I was a sort of nervous, excited the whole morning. We rode a bus from the finish line up the canyon to the start. I took in the beautiful mountain surroundings as I waited for the race to start. There was a small voice in my head screaming at me that I was crazy for attempting to run twice as far as I ever had in a race. I reminded myself that I already had learned to run farther than I ever imagined and resolved to do my best. <br />
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The race started and I remembered to go slow on the steep downhill slope. I had to stop a few times for water and restroom breaks as well as to fix my shoes when my toes started aching at mile eight (from running downhill), but I ran the entire way until mile twelve when I has to walk a few steps because of my toes. I talked myself into running through the pain as I was not going to finish that race walking. I ran the rest of the way, frustrated at my feet as he rest of my body and lungs felt fine.<br />
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The elation as I crossed the finish line after running 13.1 miles is hard to describe. I received a medal stating I was a half marathon finisher. My official time was 2:16:22. <br />
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You guys, I ran 13.1 miles!!! I still feel so on top of the world!! <br />
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I am here to tell you that the you can do anything you set your mind to. You just have to be willing to try and prepare as best you can. I will do this again. I will keep pushing my limits. <br />
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I am a little sore today, but I can handle it. My body will recover and I will set a new goal. Who knows what I will accomplish next!Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-17423416976167726412012-05-21T08:54:00.000-06:002023-11-27T16:17:43.398-07:00Happy Birthday, Mommy!At 29 years old I still call my Mom "Mommy", something she insisted on for as long as I can remember. She also insisted we keep our rooms clean, help around the house, finish our dinner and our homework, get good grades and make good choices. We had many struggles, fights, yelling matches over some of those expectations over the years. We have similar personalities but differing viewpoints. Years after leaving home, I don't remember too much of that.<br />
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I do remember her coming into our rooms to help us set up giant barbie houses. She made us tiny furniture out of all sorts of things. Taught us how to braid their hair, and each other's, and detested naked barbies- they always had to be clothed. <br />
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She would let us dig through piles of her old dresses and dance costumes and helped us cultivate our endless imaginations as we pretended to be anything from fairies to dancers to southern belles. She would leave the sheets attached to the rafters in the garage (when we had garage sales to keep people from seeing everything we stored in our garage) for days. Perfect curtains for endless plays that she patiently watched and seemed to enjoy.<br />
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She didn't worry about us getting dirty. We would spent our days in our mostly dirt backyard, barefoot and wild. We climbed trees, walls and swing sets, explored the mesa at the end of our street, rode bikes all day, played in the amazing playhouse my grandpa built. We spent our summers camping where she would take us on hikes and teach us about nature. Sometimes we would get so dirty she would have to hose us off in the backyard before we came into the house- pretty sure she grinned at our squeals in the cold water.<br />
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She brought music into our lives. Something that I cherish deeply. My childhood was filled with sounds of her and my family, even my Dad, singing and playing all our different instruments. She started teaching piano lessons when me and my friends lost our piano teacher. Music was almost always filling our walls.<br />
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She taught us to be spiritually strong. To find what you believe and stick to it, unwaveringly. I am daily grateful for her example of living what we believe. For having a strong testimony for me to lean on until I found my own.<br />
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She was always there. She was at every band concert, almost every marching band performance, and was a band Mom. She was also at all my siblings sporting events, concerts, plays. Anything we were involved in, she was involved in. Anytime we needed to talk, she was there to listen. How she has done that for all five of us is something I still can't figure out.<br />
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She is very crafty and handy. She can do anything from sewing, drawing, scrap booking to building walls, tiling, gardening and beyond. I have always been amazed at what she can do with her hands. I got some of those traits, but not all of them. Mostly I'm grateful to have been taught that hard work is a part of life, and that you can figure most anything out if you try hard enough.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGXjznLG1Lq3jaID4dW34-6a1Qnko-D9slDkHWukaQf7rCBeG6UAbXdoJK31I5g5dZfRQCvGLD32AjAS0WiR6qEfrhyphenhyphenLn5rFWxHDoZxRMEmdvoTnMLMSIRqdsoLCM4-g5vCNXzDnerbXEz/s1600/Easter+2011+059.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGXjznLG1Lq3jaID4dW34-6a1Qnko-D9slDkHWukaQf7rCBeG6UAbXdoJK31I5g5dZfRQCvGLD32AjAS0WiR6qEfrhyphenhyphenLn5rFWxHDoZxRMEmdvoTnMLMSIRqdsoLCM4-g5vCNXzDnerbXEz/s320/Easter+2011+059.JPG" width="320" /></a>My youngest brother is still home, living out his teen years. Almost four years ago I made my Mom a grandma. She holds both titles in high esteem. My kids love her. She is amazing with children. Imaginative and patient, but firm- most of the time.<br />
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She has been through many hardships in her life. Though she is far more emotional than me, her strength and faith through her trials is amazing. She is too hard on herself, always. So I want her to know that one of the things I admire most is her strength and her faith.<br />
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As an adult I have gone my own way on a lot of things, but she is still the rock that I lean on when I need to. She is still my roots when I'm trying to test out my wings. I can only imagine how hard it is to let your children go and live their own lives, respecting how they live them, and still mothering where you can. I think most of the time she hits that balance well.<br />
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Living far away from my family is hard, and I miss them so much. I am grateful for the Internet and for phones and how they make that distance not feel so large. I am grateful to have a place of my own on the Internet where I can celebrate her life thus far.<br />
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Today is her birthday. I want her to know I am beyond grateful to have to her in my life. To be able to turn to her when I need her, or be there for her when she needs me. I am grateful for her involvement in my kids' lives, and for her support of my decisions for my family. I want her to know that, especially now that I am experiencing motherhood for myself, I think she did a great job of raising us. I also want her to know that she is stronger than she gives herself credit for. She has gone through so many changes the last few years and I know she can keep going.<br />
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Happy Birthday, Mommy! I hope you know how much I love you and how much I wish I could be there to tell you all this in person. I hope you have an amazing day and that you remember how many people love and cherish you!<br />
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<br />Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-55528295180143229002012-05-04T16:38:00.001-06:002023-11-27T16:17:49.311-07:00Lessons LearnedThe last few weeks I have been training for the local <a href="http://www.komenslc.org/" target="_blank">Susan G Komen Race for the Cure</a> going on here next Saturday. I am really excited to run it, especially since I discovered that I can actually run 3.1 miles without too much trouble. This is no small matter to the girl who had trouble getting through all four laps to make up the required mile in my physical education class growing up. I guess it just goes to show that size isn't everything. Skinny doesn't always equal strong or in shape, any more than having bits of fat makes me weak. This is an important lesson I have learned. <br />
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Something else the last few weeks have taught me is that I need a goal to stay focused. Losing weight isn't a goal, it's a benefit of living a healthy lifestyle- which is now my real goal. I'm starting to not focus on the scale so much as focusing on making sure I stay active and try to make good, nutritious food choices. I'm not perfect at this, and I've learned not to expect perfection. Striving for perfection will get you nothing but failure. And failure bites. The result of this new mentality is that I'm happier with myself and my progress- which has also helped me in my relationship with Matt.<br />
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Since we decided to work things out and get remarried, I have been quite happy. We keep working on things and they aren't perfect, but that's ok. It's very normal and that is a good thing. When we first got back together it was like we had just met all over again. As time went on, I realized there was always this teeny, tiny fear in the back of my mind that it wouldn't work out in the end. I have been struggling with that little fear off and on for almost a year now. Matt has been so supportive whenever that fear surfaced. <br />
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Having been reassured so many times, you would think the fear would go away. It's hard to explain, but every time we had a conflict and feelings similar to the ones I had when things went south came back, I freaked out. I brought up the past. I worried that just because one or both of us were upset that we would be back where we once were. I worried more about my appearance. I did all the things you're not supposed to do in a conflict. He would calm me down, we would talk it out and I would feel better again. <br />
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A few weeks ago, Matt and I were talking about something and the subject of our future came up and he told me he wasn't going anywhere, that I would have to be the one to leave for us to end. It may seem silly to some, but that was sort of a turning point for me. The last little piece of my heart I realized I hadn't given back to him was suddenly his again. My soul is calmer, my heart is sure, and my self-esteem is mine to deal with again. Our love has grown deeper, and it shows in the little things we do for each other.<br />
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That man loves me, and I love him. I gave him my heart almost 9 years ago and it has been his ever since. We have our bumps and bruises, but they do heal. We have been brought together so many times now that I truly believe we were meant to be. Life teaches us a lot of lessons. The most important one I have learned is that I can never take anything for granted. Not health, not friendship, not money and especially not love. Having the love of a man who gets me so completely, who makes me laugh, supports me and makes me feel beautiful in pajamas and yesterday's make-up, is something I will forever be grateful for. I also have to remember to love myself.<br />
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I want to thank our families, friends and all the people who read this little blog for supporting us as we travel our many journeys together and separately. The other day my in-laws thanked me for taking Matt back. I was touched by this, but didn't quite know what to say back. I will say now that I loved him nearly from the day I met him and I never stopped. It was hard to figure some things out, but deciding to try again wasn't hard at all. I know I made the right choice the first, second and third time I said, "I do." <br />
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Marriage isn't always easy. Life isn't easy. Changing is especially hard. Everything we do, our goals, the relationships we have- they all take work. Nothing happens in life that we don't put a little effort into. We just have to trust ourselves, learn from our mistakes, stay focused, follow our hearts and surround ourselves with people who support and empower us. I believe that to be true of everything we do. <br />
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<em>What is your favorite relationship advice? How do you attack your goals in life? Who is your best cheerleader in life? Have a great weekend!</em>Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-17228653107722253762012-04-13T08:32:00.002-06:002023-11-27T16:17:43.267-07:00Five Minute Friday: Goodbye<em>Time for Five Minute Friday, friends. Please click over to the <a href="http://thegypsymama.com/2012/04/five-minute-friday-good-bye/" target="_blank">Gypsy Mama</a> for rules and to join in.</em><br />
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<em>Today's Prompt: GOODBYE</em><br />
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<strong>Go.</strong><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOhDPJ5GBVKyMLDvTpXPaWJkq_nePi4c-smz3ysvT_l2mJHOl1bypI1NWeJuBW0wLUfBS2nZkiRV7rx5rSiAFrtjGlZu_AQhl-A7EpVeSnma8hQ3mAajufUmELSg-s4t8IaIMEwbAyn5gt/s1600/5-minute-friday-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOhDPJ5GBVKyMLDvTpXPaWJkq_nePi4c-smz3ysvT_l2mJHOl1bypI1NWeJuBW0wLUfBS2nZkiRV7rx5rSiAFrtjGlZu_AQhl-A7EpVeSnma8hQ3mAajufUmELSg-s4t8IaIMEwbAyn5gt/s1600/5-minute-friday-1.jpg" /></a></div>
They sit silently in the car. Itching to find something to say, knowing that if they open their mouths all that will come out is tears. Their hands intertwined stubbornly, not wanting to let go. The car keeps moving them closer to their destination. Fingers squeeze tighter with every mile.<br />
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They park and he opens her door. Their eyes meet and they exchange wan smiles. She clings to him in an unexpected hug. He melts into her. Eventually they pull apart. Time continues ticking.<br />
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They unload the car and walk tentatively towards the open, automatic door. They discuss schedules and plans. They get checked in and move towards the gate. He stops and meets her eyes. They are welled up with tears that spill over as she catches his glance. His eyes sting as he takes her into his arms. They cry together through hug-muffled I love yous and prayers for safety. <br />
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Then he meets the eyes of his children. Red with tears they all tackle him in one giant hug. He wonders how much they will have grown before he sees them again. He kisses each one and gives them words of advice and reassurance as he embraces them. <br />
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He takes his family in his arms one more time. With strenuous effort he releases them, kisses his wife, and walks heavily toward security.<br />
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She watches him until she can't see him anymore- catching one last glimpse of him in his combat uniform. She waves as her heart crumbles and walks away with her kids. Gathering up her well of strength, patience and love to get her through until they meet again.<br />
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<strong>Stop.</strong><br />
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<em>For my friends who have to do this today, and for all the members of the military and their families who make this sacrifice more times than anyone should have to. Thank you for your service to our country. My love and prayers go out to you all. </em>Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-67264049294252396462012-04-11T23:16:00.001-06:002023-11-27T16:17:51.320-07:00Teetering<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I find it difficult to blog lately. Not just because I've been dealing with flooding under my brand new floor, finishing projects, work and all the normal stuff, but also just because I don't really feel like I know what to write about. So, please excuse my jumbled thoughts.</div>
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Lately I've felt a sort of disconnect from my life. I feel so off balance. I know this is partly because the projects on our house have imposed on our normal routine. Also, I haven't focused on my health as much lately. Or my spirituality. I guess that's the problem. I'm not focused. <br />
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I'm working toward a goal of getting all these little house projects finished. And while they are important, and will be nice, they are eating up time I would have spent working on my goals.<br />
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I spend my days ticking off boxes on endless to do lists. While this does give me a sense of accomplishment, and I have been working hard, it leaves me feeling like I haven't done anything real. At least nothing that will matter in the grand scheme of things. <br />
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I feel a little bit empty and not very happy. It doesn't help that I feel terrible about all the TV my kids watched while we were redoing the house. Or that I haven't been taking care of myself the way I want to.<br />
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Today I spent some time playing with my girls. I only got half the things done I wanted to, but I felt a little better for having spent some meaningful time with my children. I really focused on keeping a kind tone and it was amazing the difference we felt in our home today.<br />
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Which made me think that the direction I need to take is to go back to the basic important things in my life.<br />
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I feel it's time to prioritize again. I need to figure out what goal I want to focus on right now and set aside time for it. I need to remember to keep my Heavenly Father as a close friend in my life. I need to spend real, quality time with my family. I REALLY need to spend some quality time on me.<br />
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It seems sort of silly to write about my struggles to find balance and peace in my life on this blog. But I guess that is part of the journey to finding equipoise. I know that a perfect state of balance is impossible. I also know that I've been a lot closer before than I am now. It's a work in progress.<br />
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<em>I guess I just needed to vent...and come up with a plan. And now I have. So, thank you for that. I'd like another favor though. Tell me, what do you do when you feel disconnected or unbalanced??</em>Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-57756245351769840742012-03-16T08:12:00.002-06:002023-11-27T16:17:50.421-07:00Five Minute Friday: Brave<em>It's Friday! Which means it time to write for five minutes with no worry about whether it's just right or not. Please click over to <a href="http://thegypsymama.com/2012/03/five-minute-friday-brave/" target="_blank">The Gypsy Mama</a> to join in!</em><br />
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<em>Today's Prompt: <strong>Brave</strong></em><br />
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<strong>Go.</strong><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBB18tqPkRCK1J2EhTJcaxfcz2oVyq-dz5Ynn_dIKQpu9ZsbTjY4iYXS5eKcOw6bKRhwbDDf4MoCu3tPctPjgKRxidJcKOS8UYy_aj8QZjSwnwDAYcW6scmS4uyu7kwoA1AmP06VbAS2ct/s1600/5-minute-friday-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBB18tqPkRCK1J2EhTJcaxfcz2oVyq-dz5Ynn_dIKQpu9ZsbTjY4iYXS5eKcOw6bKRhwbDDf4MoCu3tPctPjgKRxidJcKOS8UYy_aj8QZjSwnwDAYcW6scmS4uyu7kwoA1AmP06VbAS2ct/s1600/5-minute-friday-1.jpg" /></a>Two curious girls show me bravery every day. <br />
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Paige's bravery shows up in her toddler world. A world where there are so many words and names for things she does not know. She fearlessly keeps trying to speak through the frustrations of knowing that I can only understand most of it. Still, her curiosity never ebbs. Constantly pointing at things to hear the words and trying to form them herself. Her bravery comes in facing the unknowns like sharp winter grass on bare feet, bugs, and new foods. <br />
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Zoe's bravery is different. She knows more about the world, and picked up speech rather quickly. She has trouble with change and the unknown. Her courage is shown through facing her fears. Trusting that she has the strength to crush that bug in her path that seems so scary. She can run through the darkness of the yard without her hand in mine. She can face the shadows in the night that look like monsters. <br />
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My children teach me so much about how to trust yourself. How to follow your heart. How to know when it's just too much to face and you need to find a hand to hold. How to know when to ask for help after you've tried and failed too many times. How to face your fears. How to deal with change. How to walk into the unknown with bare feet and hope for the best. How to be brave.<br />
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<strong>Stop.</strong><br />
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<em>What examples of bravery do you see in your life? If you have kids, do you notice their courage? What can you do to be fearless today?</em>Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-77278985660722773032012-03-13T08:03:00.002-06:002023-11-27T16:17:52.983-07:00Pack Your Bags!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrqkFCnXp3q-OqItcbdZA_b4gcx6SabXVbHDcFdPIaqDC6QDcYkR2w0WSTaXTk2gw89IksnI25LLtW2MRVKiT0Zo7O2F4hyphenhyphenc7LvOffwoEQXqnonf08kVGOSucm5L0q5ZzdpIUMtkVPb8K3/s1600/file631264059339.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrqkFCnXp3q-OqItcbdZA_b4gcx6SabXVbHDcFdPIaqDC6QDcYkR2w0WSTaXTk2gw89IksnI25LLtW2MRVKiT0Zo7O2F4hyphenhyphenc7LvOffwoEQXqnonf08kVGOSucm5L0q5ZzdpIUMtkVPb8K3/s320/file631264059339.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
We're going on a little trip! <br />
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Today I have the privilege of <a href="http://www.lifebeforethebucket.com/2012/03/living-to-fullest-can-mom-do-it.html" target="_blank">guest posting</a> for a blogger I highly respect. Adrian's blog, <a href="http://www.lifebeforethebucket.com/" target="_blank">Life Before the Bucket</a>, has become a daily read for me. He is a kind, charitable person who isn't afraid to take a stand and do what he can to improve himself and the problems in this world. He writes thought-provoking posts on world issues, religion and how he tries to live a full life.<br />
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I am honored that he let me take over his space for a day to write about how I have tried to live life to the fullest. (Thank you, Adrian!) <a href="http://www.lifebeforethebucket.com/2012/03/living-to-fullest-can-mom-do-it.html" target="_blank">Please click over to his blog for today's post</a>. Feel free to leave a comment!! While you're there, please take a moment to check out some of his posts. You won't be disappointed!<br />
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For any of you that clicked over from Life Before the Bucket, welcome! Thank you for taking the time out to find out a little more about me. If you like what you read, please find a way to follow me using those buttons to the right. I would love to hear from you! Please feel free to leave a comment or <a href="mailto:kjackson@findingequipoise.com" target="_blank">email me</a>.<br />
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Ready? <a href="http://www.lifebeforethebucket.com/2012/03/living-to-fullest-can-mom-do-it.html" target="_blank">Let's go</a>!Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-52004787300958372902012-03-09T10:37:00.000-07:002023-11-27T16:17:48.799-07:00In the quiet......there's a storm brewing. I've been away from this space for a week doing a very large DIY project on my main floor. We're putting in all new flooring and painted the entire area. It's been a lot of work full of mishaps, unplanned expenses, way too much time and even some really bad customer service that actually got us some great perks thanks to my husband. After a week of ripping up carpet, flooring, tack strips, filling holes, painting, discovering we had to lay new sub floor in part of the area, purchasing NEW baseboards instead of being able to reuse the old ones because of poor installation by the builder, and painstakingly laying flooring board by board, we are exhausted and still have so much to do. So! I decided to share some pictures of our progress so far and I'll post another update when it's all done and I have time to write a real post. Have a great weekend, friends!!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPVlAuR1jczeWPIJnbzLnCgxZdLYuf89vU-5SVxN5oiYRYDz1MNLmzTGxrQZVBtr8MEoOuB1WkaF1nRm5AUxVTkLykQ1RQDvPuobDm2hFfa3qwzc-7sVijC3I5YyA2ZkF2dXGykgJlizqx/s1600/004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPVlAuR1jczeWPIJnbzLnCgxZdLYuf89vU-5SVxN5oiYRYDz1MNLmzTGxrQZVBtr8MEoOuB1WkaF1nRm5AUxVTkLykQ1RQDvPuobDm2hFfa3qwzc-7sVijC3I5YyA2ZkF2dXGykgJlizqx/s320/004.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The state of my kitchen when we laid the new sub floor...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiamXxdNMMeleI5RGNJNVDE_cqBriWO6IrhXfLZQS-fPOjTdGRpuCmOqidNlKOzOSzNP0Pa1x4f5paqvx1YX0K9Ewg69XNKgRKxG-7tPdS_1MDOEQY5_DxEs1wF1S1MT6OlsZW2F80LnMAt/s1600/005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiamXxdNMMeleI5RGNJNVDE_cqBriWO6IrhXfLZQS-fPOjTdGRpuCmOqidNlKOzOSzNP0Pa1x4f5paqvx1YX0K9Ewg69XNKgRKxG-7tPdS_1MDOEQY5_DxEs1wF1S1MT6OlsZW2F80LnMAt/s320/005.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Living room with part of the new sub floor installed.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgESNEXBAvYopJuD_7vjY6dzEmHC5y8_i1sDQRbHti-MiVD4DBag_jMx5GcnQJ4N9aUNu6KUVFvb_zZELsAazQ8J6-FCuGjcpPm025EM0Hqkg00pw_raVJfDck8HlyHStyO1bYyZBR9gYxw/s1600/006.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgESNEXBAvYopJuD_7vjY6dzEmHC5y8_i1sDQRbHti-MiVD4DBag_jMx5GcnQJ4N9aUNu6KUVFvb_zZELsAazQ8J6-FCuGjcpPm025EM0Hqkg00pw_raVJfDck8HlyHStyO1bYyZBR9gYxw/s320/006.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Like my new dining table? Ha ha.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmh6hSiU_zDtxECwDvovaILsXUl_OFdKmPFujWeFRs2xYjhulC6Ev9SsvgFShHfzUMAxHzZS-gsis4MsYY8ROxxFCOHEm3ymqgh1Z87-qpe7aFhIOMHbI6koyOg5ZE590q8GQsuolJWmtq/s1600/001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmh6hSiU_zDtxECwDvovaILsXUl_OFdKmPFujWeFRs2xYjhulC6Ev9SsvgFShHfzUMAxHzZS-gsis4MsYY8ROxxFCOHEm3ymqgh1Z87-qpe7aFhIOMHbI6koyOg5ZE590q8GQsuolJWmtq/s320/001.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Progress of flooring after two nights of work...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9diwGoW2_e9G8ygMPHh6eflPYEvkVChc3iQ0NM4jiNG0Q6u9w6j0ZoDDqreq2PKO5CQ95dowVNil8th8Pp9KFiNQXKcx5HfYUzPwKu_WDW0WuU8nTCVkK2eAuaUym0Knn79rn5b_9DAhB/s1600/002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9diwGoW2_e9G8ygMPHh6eflPYEvkVChc3iQ0NM4jiNG0Q6u9w6j0ZoDDqreq2PKO5CQ95dowVNil8th8Pp9KFiNQXKcx5HfYUzPwKu_WDW0WuU8nTCVkK2eAuaUym0Knn79rn5b_9DAhB/s320/002.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Closer look at the flooring. I love it!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY9T20oLQmDU00pK_HaAW2Nt5_Nkjk8IMGqLBGz9OWBgWBWIpry5qyOn1S6kOSTk1Y3AhzOdvebrXTPiXckQo1vrVJbVPEq4Jq5-B7GEjTg8A4luBw4Ns4qmnV4mPcm5jFKVy73gNAlmZt/s1600/003.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY9T20oLQmDU00pK_HaAW2Nt5_Nkjk8IMGqLBGz9OWBgWBWIpry5qyOn1S6kOSTk1Y3AhzOdvebrXTPiXckQo1vrVJbVPEq4Jq5-B7GEjTg8A4luBw4Ns4qmnV4mPcm5jFKVy73gNAlmZt/s320/003.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What we have left. So not looking forward to the kitchen!</td></tr>
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It's been stressful, but to go from having stained carpet in the living and dining room to this beautiful floor will be well worth it. Wish us luck that we'll complete it this weekend!!! Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-44757011083311350582012-03-02T08:23:00.000-07:002023-11-27T16:17:48.031-07:00Five Minute Friday: The Ache of Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<em>We took a break from Five Minute Friday for a bit, but now we're back. Click over to </em><a href="http://thegypsymama.com/2012/03/five-minute-friday-ache/" target="_blank"><em>The Gypsy Mama</em></a><em> to join in and write unedited for five minutes. Or just to read all the beautiful posts.</em></div>
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<div style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<em>Today's Prompt: <strong>Ache</strong></em></div>
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<strong>Go.</strong> </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBB18tqPkRCK1J2EhTJcaxfcz2oVyq-dz5Ynn_dIKQpu9ZsbTjY4iYXS5eKcOw6bKRhwbDDf4MoCu3tPctPjgKRxidJcKOS8UYy_aj8QZjSwnwDAYcW6scmS4uyu7kwoA1AmP06VbAS2ct/s1600/5-minute-friday-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBB18tqPkRCK1J2EhTJcaxfcz2oVyq-dz5Ynn_dIKQpu9ZsbTjY4iYXS5eKcOw6bKRhwbDDf4MoCu3tPctPjgKRxidJcKOS8UYy_aj8QZjSwnwDAYcW6scmS4uyu7kwoA1AmP06VbAS2ct/s1600/5-minute-friday-1.jpg" /></a>Heartstrings gently tugged. Feet padding towards the doorstep, hands clasped. Chance meetings become the promise of forever.<br />
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Black and white attire. Rose petals and a cake. Two symbolic rings. Do you?<br />
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Rugged hands on soft skin. Lips and limbs intertwined. Rapid heartbeats. The cusp of that sweet release.<br />
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Round and swollen. Forehead beaded with sweat. Breathing, breathing. Crying. Pushing and contracting.<br />
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Helpless. Tiny fingers and toes constantly growing. Immobile cries become sprinting sentences. Tugged between past memories and future promise.<br />
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Quiet, empty rooms once filled with laughter. Experienced hands rediscover each other. A new chapter.<br />
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Twisting, turning, tumbling internally. Heart pounding in deafening tones. Rivers falling from red eyes. Oceans formed on sweaters.<br />
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Lost and lonely. Heart squeezed between invisible hands. Hollow cavern in the stomach. Shallow breaths.<br />
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Aching to join him.<br />
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<strong>Stop.</strong>Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5651470828682363687.post-22149900065203025422012-02-28T07:55:00.001-07:002023-11-27T16:17:43.788-07:00Happy Anniversary<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One year ago today I remarried my husband, Matthew, ready to give our love a second shot. It hasn't been an easy year. We have weathered many storms together. Sometimes I feared that things would fall apart again. Every time I did, he reassured me.<br />
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Over the last year I fell in love with him all over again. We found trust and respect for each other. WE learned to understand and forgive the past. Learned to love and support our differences and our hobbies. He is my best friend.<br />
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I am so grateful that I was brave enough to agree to a second chance. The choice to remarry him was the right one. Our family is closer than it has ever been. We are closer than we have ever been.<br />
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Marriage isn't always easy. Two people facing the world together will always result in differences of opinion. We are learning to use conflict as a tool to bring us closer and help us to know each other better. We are far more open with each other than we ever used to be. We are not afraid to ask the hard questions, to bring up issues, and deal with conflicts. We have been in the worst place a marriage could ever go, and never want to get back there. Ever.<br />
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I love Matthew with a love deeper than I ever thought I could feel for another person. He gets me and he lets me be myself. He supports me in how I choose to spend my life and my time. He is a good father and a wonderful husband. He helps me with the dishes. He works incredibly hard to support our family. He helps us to make and keep the goals we have together. He confides in me and lets me confide in him. He lets me see all sides of him and trusts me with his heart. He loves me and shows it daily. I couldn't ask for more, and I try to do the same for him.<br />
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There is no other man I could imagine spending the last eight years with. I am so proud to call him my husband, and so grateful to have him by my side through this life. Happy Anniversary, my Love.Katrina Jacksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13022180989204419324noreply@blogger.com1