I finally took all my Christmas decorations down today. It was especially hard for me to let go of Christmas this year. I always get a little depressed after Christmas is over and want to hang onto it as long as I can. Perhaps it was because I was so excited for this Christmas. My girls were so much fun to watch as they anticipated the arrival of Santa. Although, the "I wants" were numerous this year thanks to all the well placed toy advertisements. Still, they managed to narrow things down to must-haves and we were able to get a couple of books to help them understand the reason we celebrate Christmas.
They also were very sweet and giving. I got the cutest homemade drawing from Zoe that Matt helped her wrap. I love that it's the homemade things, the presents made and given with love that mean the most. We were all spoiled this year.
When I'm feeling down, I find the best thing to do is count my blessings. I am so grateful for all that I have. Matt and I have good, stable jobs that allow us to live in a comfortable, warm home and provide for our family. I am blessed to have a close relationship with my Heavenly Father. We are blessed with two amazing girls who bring joy to our lives and teach us patience daily. We are blessed with individual talents. Matt and I have each other, and if you've been reading this blog long, you'll understand why that is such an important blessing. We also have amazing family and friends who we literally wouldn't be able to survive without.
I have plenty of goals for the year, plenty of things I want to learn and become, plenty that I want to have. I will get to posting all those as soon as I can. Tonight, I just wanted to take a minute to start the year taking notice of all that I am blessed with. It has made me feel a little less sad that my favorite time of year is gone for now. Can't wait to see what the future holds! Have a good night friends!
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Happy Birthday, Mommy!
At 29 years old I still call my Mom "Mommy", something she insisted on for as long as I can remember. She also insisted we keep our rooms clean, help around the house, finish our dinner and our homework, get good grades and make good choices. We had many struggles, fights, yelling matches over some of those expectations over the years. We have similar personalities but differing viewpoints. Years after leaving home, I don't remember too much of that.
I do remember her coming into our rooms to help us set up giant barbie houses. She made us tiny furniture out of all sorts of things. Taught us how to braid their hair, and each other's, and detested naked barbies- they always had to be clothed.
She would let us dig through piles of her old dresses and dance costumes and helped us cultivate our endless imaginations as we pretended to be anything from fairies to dancers to southern belles. She would leave the sheets attached to the rafters in the garage (when we had garage sales to keep people from seeing everything we stored in our garage) for days. Perfect curtains for endless plays that she patiently watched and seemed to enjoy.
She didn't worry about us getting dirty. We would spent our days in our mostly dirt backyard, barefoot and wild. We climbed trees, walls and swing sets, explored the mesa at the end of our street, rode bikes all day, played in the amazing playhouse my grandpa built. We spent our summers camping where she would take us on hikes and teach us about nature. Sometimes we would get so dirty she would have to hose us off in the backyard before we came into the house- pretty sure she grinned at our squeals in the cold water.
She brought music into our lives. Something that I cherish deeply. My childhood was filled with sounds of her and my family, even my Dad, singing and playing all our different instruments. She started teaching piano lessons when me and my friends lost our piano teacher. Music was almost always filling our walls.
She taught us to be spiritually strong. To find what you believe and stick to it, unwaveringly. I am daily grateful for her example of living what we believe. For having a strong testimony for me to lean on until I found my own.
She was always there. She was at every band concert, almost every marching band performance, and was a band Mom. She was also at all my siblings sporting events, concerts, plays. Anything we were involved in, she was involved in. Anytime we needed to talk, she was there to listen. How she has done that for all five of us is something I still can't figure out.
She is very crafty and handy. She can do anything from sewing, drawing, scrap booking to building walls, tiling, gardening and beyond. I have always been amazed at what she can do with her hands. I got some of those traits, but not all of them. Mostly I'm grateful to have been taught that hard work is a part of life, and that you can figure most anything out if you try hard enough.
My youngest brother is still home, living out his teen years. Almost four years ago I made my Mom a grandma. She holds both titles in high esteem. My kids love her. She is amazing with children. Imaginative and patient, but firm- most of the time.
She has been through many hardships in her life. Though she is far more emotional than me, her strength and faith through her trials is amazing. She is too hard on herself, always. So I want her to know that one of the things I admire most is her strength and her faith.
As an adult I have gone my own way on a lot of things, but she is still the rock that I lean on when I need to. She is still my roots when I'm trying to test out my wings. I can only imagine how hard it is to let your children go and live their own lives, respecting how they live them, and still mothering where you can. I think most of the time she hits that balance well.
Living far away from my family is hard, and I miss them so much. I am grateful for the Internet and for phones and how they make that distance not feel so large. I am grateful to have a place of my own on the Internet where I can celebrate her life thus far.
Today is her birthday. I want her to know I am beyond grateful to have to her in my life. To be able to turn to her when I need her, or be there for her when she needs me. I am grateful for her involvement in my kids' lives, and for her support of my decisions for my family. I want her to know that, especially now that I am experiencing motherhood for myself, I think she did a great job of raising us. I also want her to know that she is stronger than she gives herself credit for. She has gone through so many changes the last few years and I know she can keep going.
Happy Birthday, Mommy! I hope you know how much I love you and how much I wish I could be there to tell you all this in person. I hope you have an amazing day and that you remember how many people love and cherish you!
I do remember her coming into our rooms to help us set up giant barbie houses. She made us tiny furniture out of all sorts of things. Taught us how to braid their hair, and each other's, and detested naked barbies- they always had to be clothed.
She would let us dig through piles of her old dresses and dance costumes and helped us cultivate our endless imaginations as we pretended to be anything from fairies to dancers to southern belles. She would leave the sheets attached to the rafters in the garage (when we had garage sales to keep people from seeing everything we stored in our garage) for days. Perfect curtains for endless plays that she patiently watched and seemed to enjoy.
She didn't worry about us getting dirty. We would spent our days in our mostly dirt backyard, barefoot and wild. We climbed trees, walls and swing sets, explored the mesa at the end of our street, rode bikes all day, played in the amazing playhouse my grandpa built. We spent our summers camping where she would take us on hikes and teach us about nature. Sometimes we would get so dirty she would have to hose us off in the backyard before we came into the house- pretty sure she grinned at our squeals in the cold water.
She brought music into our lives. Something that I cherish deeply. My childhood was filled with sounds of her and my family, even my Dad, singing and playing all our different instruments. She started teaching piano lessons when me and my friends lost our piano teacher. Music was almost always filling our walls.
She taught us to be spiritually strong. To find what you believe and stick to it, unwaveringly. I am daily grateful for her example of living what we believe. For having a strong testimony for me to lean on until I found my own.
She was always there. She was at every band concert, almost every marching band performance, and was a band Mom. She was also at all my siblings sporting events, concerts, plays. Anything we were involved in, she was involved in. Anytime we needed to talk, she was there to listen. How she has done that for all five of us is something I still can't figure out.
She is very crafty and handy. She can do anything from sewing, drawing, scrap booking to building walls, tiling, gardening and beyond. I have always been amazed at what she can do with her hands. I got some of those traits, but not all of them. Mostly I'm grateful to have been taught that hard work is a part of life, and that you can figure most anything out if you try hard enough.
My youngest brother is still home, living out his teen years. Almost four years ago I made my Mom a grandma. She holds both titles in high esteem. My kids love her. She is amazing with children. Imaginative and patient, but firm- most of the time.She has been through many hardships in her life. Though she is far more emotional than me, her strength and faith through her trials is amazing. She is too hard on herself, always. So I want her to know that one of the things I admire most is her strength and her faith.
As an adult I have gone my own way on a lot of things, but she is still the rock that I lean on when I need to. She is still my roots when I'm trying to test out my wings. I can only imagine how hard it is to let your children go and live their own lives, respecting how they live them, and still mothering where you can. I think most of the time she hits that balance well.
Living far away from my family is hard, and I miss them so much. I am grateful for the Internet and for phones and how they make that distance not feel so large. I am grateful to have a place of my own on the Internet where I can celebrate her life thus far.
Today is her birthday. I want her to know I am beyond grateful to have to her in my life. To be able to turn to her when I need her, or be there for her when she needs me. I am grateful for her involvement in my kids' lives, and for her support of my decisions for my family. I want her to know that, especially now that I am experiencing motherhood for myself, I think she did a great job of raising us. I also want her to know that she is stronger than she gives herself credit for. She has gone through so many changes the last few years and I know she can keep going.
Happy Birthday, Mommy! I hope you know how much I love you and how much I wish I could be there to tell you all this in person. I hope you have an amazing day and that you remember how many people love and cherish you!
Exercise
As I mentioned in an earlier post, my primary goal focus recently has been getting in shape, eating more healthy and focusing on feeling better in my skin. Today I thought I would give you sort of a progress report, and touch on things I have struggled with the last few months.
Since Matt and I got remarried, one of our focuses has been to get in better shape. Way back in March we started out really well. We were doing P90x every night for a few weeks. Then Easter came. We travelled to New Mexico to visit family and all our forward momentum came to a screeching halt.
Meanwhile, between the fact that all that weight I lost was fast and stress-induced and the fact that birth control and quitting nursing brought it all tumbling back, none of my clothes were fitting me very well. And it was getting worse.
So finally I asked Matt if he would mind if I started doing it without him during the day while he was at work. Things have been so hectic, he knew we wouldn't do it so he agreed. And off I went.
Since then I have been working out consistently 4-6 days a week for about a month doing Insanity and other things here and there. I have been watching my calories more closely (using myfinesspal) and I drink tons of water. In general, I feel a whole lot better about myself. I can see muscle tone in my obliques that I have never had. I am starting to see actual calves on my chicken legs...something I NEVER thought was possible. My arms are still wimpy, but seem stronger than ever.
Having always been a "soft" girl, I have enjoyed seeing these changes. Unfortunately, not much has changed in the way my clothes fit. I still have quite a mommy-pudge to contend with, and I have lost five pounds, but wanted to lose at least 8 by now.
I know much of the reason for my current weight is my body building muscle where there hasn't been any in many years, and in places I have never had muscle definition. I know muscle is heavier than fat. So that makes sense. I have lost inches on my waist, a bit on my belly, and my hips. My face looks a bit thinner too. Yet, I know that I have given myself perhaps more "cheat days" than I should. I definitely can eat less sugar and fat than I do, too.
Tomorrow Matt is going to try joining me doing early mornings again. If we don't wake up, I will do it later in the day, but it gets hard with all the responsibilities I have between my girls, work and my house, among other things. I would love to be more consistent with mornings so my days will flow better, and so I don't have to walk this journey alone. We'll have to keep working on it.
This is a hard change for me. Sometimes it feels easier to quit. But I know I won't be happy with that decision. I am motivated to make this a permanent lifestyle change. I want to feel good in my skin, no matter what "weight" that ends up being. I want my girls to see that an active lifestyle and that paying attention to what you consume is important. I want to fit back into my clothes again!!!!
If you have weight loss/fitness tips or advice, ideas for how to still eat chocolate on a diet, how to cook healthy AND yummy food for your family and kids, how to teach yourself to wake up before the sun, how you fit in workouts in your busy lives, or if you just want to tell me, "You can do this!", please leave me a comment, or send me an email. I would appreciate all the encouragement I can get!
Since Matt and I got remarried, one of our focuses has been to get in better shape. Way back in March we started out really well. We were doing P90x every night for a few weeks. Then Easter came. We travelled to New Mexico to visit family and all our forward momentum came to a screeching halt.
Since then, we have started over and over again. When is best to work out? Mornings? So we tried mornings. Then we had too many mornings where we couldn't get up because we're just not used to being up before dawn. So, since we are night owls, we thought nights will work better. And we did fairly well, until there were nights where the girls got down late, or we ate too late, or we got busy doing things and it was too late to workout. So we decided mornings again. See a pattern?
Meanwhile, between the fact that all that weight I lost was fast and stress-induced and the fact that birth control and quitting nursing brought it all tumbling back, none of my clothes were fitting me very well. And it was getting worse.
Since then I have been working out consistently 4-6 days a week for about a month doing Insanity and other things here and there. I have been watching my calories more closely (using myfinesspal) and I drink tons of water. In general, I feel a whole lot better about myself. I can see muscle tone in my obliques that I have never had. I am starting to see actual calves on my chicken legs...something I NEVER thought was possible. My arms are still wimpy, but seem stronger than ever.
Having always been a "soft" girl, I have enjoyed seeing these changes. Unfortunately, not much has changed in the way my clothes fit. I still have quite a mommy-pudge to contend with, and I have lost five pounds, but wanted to lose at least 8 by now.
I know much of the reason for my current weight is my body building muscle where there hasn't been any in many years, and in places I have never had muscle definition. I know muscle is heavier than fat. So that makes sense. I have lost inches on my waist, a bit on my belly, and my hips. My face looks a bit thinner too. Yet, I know that I have given myself perhaps more "cheat days" than I should. I definitely can eat less sugar and fat than I do, too.
Tomorrow Matt is going to try joining me doing early mornings again. If we don't wake up, I will do it later in the day, but it gets hard with all the responsibilities I have between my girls, work and my house, among other things. I would love to be more consistent with mornings so my days will flow better, and so I don't have to walk this journey alone. We'll have to keep working on it.
This is a hard change for me. Sometimes it feels easier to quit. But I know I won't be happy with that decision. I am motivated to make this a permanent lifestyle change. I want to feel good in my skin, no matter what "weight" that ends up being. I want my girls to see that an active lifestyle and that paying attention to what you consume is important. I want to fit back into my clothes again!!!!
If you have weight loss/fitness tips or advice, ideas for how to still eat chocolate on a diet, how to cook healthy AND yummy food for your family and kids, how to teach yourself to wake up before the sun, how you fit in workouts in your busy lives, or if you just want to tell me, "You can do this!", please leave me a comment, or send me an email. I would appreciate all the encouragement I can get!
Nell
Today is my sister's birthday. As a tribute to her, and a sort-of present since she knows I'm hopeless at them, I decided to make her the star of my post today. Meet Danielle...or Nell as I call her. That guy? Her wonderful hubby, Chad. They are a couple of my favorite people on the planet. Nell is an extremely hardworking, hilarious, beautiful, kid at heart. She is an amazing sister and a wonderful Aunt to my kids. She is my best friend. I truly don't know what my life would have been like without her. We grew up very close in age (only 21 months apart) and we spent almost our entire lives doing things together- whether we liked it or not. As young children we got along fairly well. We played barbies and dress up and spent endless hours outside on bikes, our swingset and the playhouse my grandpa built us. It was when I started school and made my own friends that we had trouble getting along. I remember endless fighting with her in those years. Thinking that I just wanted to have time to myself with my friends and without her. If only I had known how close we would eventually become.
As we eased into being teenagers, we finally figured out that we got along really well. A lot of our friends were mutual and we could make each other laugh. In high school, we became the best of friends. Spending hours upon hours with each other doing band and spending time with our friends. We shared clothes (not always nicely), boy issues and excitements, talked through frustrations and problems, laughed and joked and hugged our way through those years. We were nearly inseparable.
Then I went to college, got married and moved 2,000 miles away. In those years she really paved her own path, deciding what she wanted to do in life and going for it. Our lives were busy, and we didn't talk as much as we should have. But every time we were together, it was as easy as it always was. We are two of a kind...in an opposite sort of way.
When I moved closer, things got easier, we talked more, and our lives started to line up a little better once she married her high school sweetheart. Nearly a year later, I had a baby and Nell became an Aunt for the first time. I have never loved my sister more than I did the first time she held Zoe and then Paige. To see the love she had for my children clearly displayed in her eyes was the most beautiful thing. Zoe and Paige absolutely love their Aunt Nell. They are super close.
Nell was always better with kids and had a general love for them that I never had. She is the kid at heart that I will never be. I learn a lot from her about mothering as I watch her love and play with my girls when we are around. She never hesitates to jump in and help me with them when she can. I can't wait to watch her mother her own child- who will grace us in just a few short months.
On her birthday, I want her to know that while she suffered from "second child syndrome", it was actually me who looked up to her for the athleticism I never had, for her outgoing and addictive personality, for never being afraid to be herself. I'm grateful to her for everything she has done for me in the past few years. She has bailed me out numerous times and in more ways than one. I am grateful for her constant support and trust in the decisions I make for my life. I am grateful for the love that she has for my husband and my girls. Most importantly, I am thankful for the love she has for me, for being by my side all these years, for being my best friend and the most amazing sister a girl could ask for. Happy Birthday, Nell. I love you!
Aren't siblings awesome? I love mine! I have four more amazing siblings, as well as their spouses and Matt's siblings and spouses. Don't know what I would do without them! Tell me about yours!
Five Minute Friday: Whole
Has it really been two weeks since I posted? I tried so hard to keep up with
this on line life of mine but I got too busy with real life and the
importance of what was/is going on in my family so I took a long break. I feel
more refreshed now.
I am back in town, still trying to put my house back together after being gone so long. Posting will continue but it will not be every day. I love blogging but it is becoming all-consuming. Since this blog is about finding a balance that doesn't seem right. I hope you'll continue to follow along!
It's time for Five Minute Friday! Click over to The Gypsy Mama for instructions if you would like to participate! (You totally should!)
Today's prompt is: Whole
Go.
After
a few days of being home and getting back to the craziness that is my life I
have realized that a part of me feels very empty. That part of me that is
filled with the laughter and inside jokes of my family. That part of me that
feels just right beside my sister talking about pregnancy and babies and the
future. That part of me that saw my new niece for the first time. That part of
me that smiles as I watch them play and interact with my kids. That part of me
that recognizes this warm, safe place as home.
I was in New Mexico for nearly three weeks. Always when I go home I am ready to leave for MY home by the end of the trip. Mostly because I like my routine and the life we have created here. While I still treasure my life, family and friends here, this departure from home was measurably more difficult. I felt a deep weight on my chest as I said goodbye to my newest niece, the brother I saw for only a few days after two years of separation, and the family I can never seem to get enough of.
There is a part of me that wishes I could combine the two lives I feel I lead. The life I live everyday and the life I have to visit and then leave behind. If only it were possible I know I would feel whole and not always have a half-empty feeling. If only.
Stop.
What makes you feel whole? What makes you feel empty? Please leave a comment and share with us. If you have not yet, please take a moment to find a way to follow me!
I am back in town, still trying to put my house back together after being gone so long. Posting will continue but it will not be every day. I love blogging but it is becoming all-consuming. Since this blog is about finding a balance that doesn't seem right. I hope you'll continue to follow along!
It's time for Five Minute Friday! Click over to The Gypsy Mama for instructions if you would like to participate! (You totally should!)
Today's prompt is: Whole
Go.
I was in New Mexico for nearly three weeks. Always when I go home I am ready to leave for MY home by the end of the trip. Mostly because I like my routine and the life we have created here. While I still treasure my life, family and friends here, this departure from home was measurably more difficult. I felt a deep weight on my chest as I said goodbye to my newest niece, the brother I saw for only a few days after two years of separation, and the family I can never seem to get enough of.
There is a part of me that wishes I could combine the two lives I feel I lead. The life I live everyday and the life I have to visit and then leave behind. If only it were possible I know I would feel whole and not always have a half-empty feeling. If only.
Stop.
What makes you feel whole? What makes you feel empty? Please leave a comment and share with us. If you have not yet, please take a moment to find a way to follow me!
Just Love Them
Since getting to New Mexico we have been staying with my sister, Nell, and
her husband, Chad. I have really enjoyed the time with her! My sister's house
is beautifully decorated. In other words, so not baby proof!
My girls have simultaneously loved and had a hard time here. We are all sharing one room, they can't touch "anything", Mommy didn't bring very many toys, and there's no place to play outside. On the other hand, Aunt Nell spoils them, they have free reign of our childhood barbie collection, they get lots of attention, and surprisingly they've done fairly well here.
On the other hand, their schedule has been thrown off so they aren't always getting enough sleep. (What is it about changing your environment that you can't seem to function quite right? Or is it just me?) Unfortunately, lack of sleep has led to clingy girls, attention hogging, whining, crying and temper tantrums. While these things are usually part of our day, it's not usually to this extent. Being the only parent here (Matt is still in Utah until Sunday) has been very taxing.
I have spent most of my days here frustrated with my girls. It's exhausting to constantly be clinged to, whined at, screamed at, and disrespected. Sometimes I almost want to cry when they get like this. My patience well is running so low I am actually feeling happy I have to work 8 hours today so I can get a break.
While all of this is quite a normal cycle in the life of a parent with young children, I started thinking tonight of the bigger picture.
I am here in New Mexico to support my younger sister, Kristin, and her husband,
Cameron, as they were thrust into parenthood much earlier than expected. I've
watched them brave the storm of the first few days when we weren't even
sure their baby, Isabella, was going to make it. I've watched as each time they
were faced with hard procedures or a difficult prognosis. I've watched as they
got snippets of good news. I've watched as they fought and never gave up hope.
They stayed strong and brave through all of it.
In the last few days things have really looked up. They finally got to hold their precious, tiny miracle, bathe her, feed her (through a feeding tube) and begin to look towards a future of taking her home.
I watched their weathered faces gradually brighten with hope and love and happiness in a situation that is still precarious, but stable for now. They love her with everything they have, want the very best for her, want her to be happy. Mostly, they are grateful every day that she is alive and here with them.
This is parenting at it's best.
And it took me back to the first time I held Zoe and Paige. It reminded me of all the promises I made to myself and to them in those first moments of parenthood. Especially the first time around when you go into it completely blind and find that parenting is all about learning as you go. When you think you won't make the same mistakes your parents, friends, and neighbors did.
People try to tell you how hard parenting can be. I've often said myself that parenting is the most frustrating, yet most rewarding thing I've ever done. Yet no one told me, and no one really could have put it into words, the day-to-day frustrations of parenting. Especially how it builds up.
When your kids are being difficult, it is sometimes hard to remember the pure joy of those first moments. It's hard to remember to find joy in the every day moments with them. It's hard to appreciate the sweet moments on the days where they are far and few between.
While I've been busy feeling frustrated with my children, Cameron and Kristin are grateful for another day with theirs. While I get annoyed with how clingy my girls are, they waited for days just to be able to hold Isabella. While I get tired of the whining, they are giddy over every movement and noise.
While I contemplated this, I thought to myself, "These are your most precious blessings! Your job is to love them, care for them, teach them and support them. NO MATTER WHAT!" Instantly I felt like I needed to reevaluate myself as a parent. Zoe and Paige are kids. They are allowed to be roller coasters of emotion. It is my job to be their solid ground, their cheerleader, and their teacher. Mostly I just need to show them as much love as I possibly can.
I love being Zoe and Paige's Mom. I am grateful for my girls. I do feel blessed to have them in my life. What needs to change is I need to show them that I feel this way. Show them my joy more and my frustration less. Use my calm voice more and my loud one less. Be more gentle and kind and patient (even when it seems impossible) so they will learn to be more gentle and kind and patient. I want to remember this time in our lives as a happy time and not a frustrated time.
The only way I know how to do this is to make the commitment today and make the better choice at every opportunity. I know I won't be perfect at it. But if I can do better every day, then we will be happier.
I knew the second I met her that Isabella would be an inspiration in my family. I knew she would have a lot to teach us. I didn't realized it would happen so quickly. Or that my little sister could be such an example to me. Your prayers and good thoughts for my family and for Isabella continue to be appreciated.
What challenges do you face in your life? Have you ever had an epiphany that made you want to change things? Leave me a comment! I love to hear from you.
My girls have simultaneously loved and had a hard time here. We are all sharing one room, they can't touch "anything", Mommy didn't bring very many toys, and there's no place to play outside. On the other hand, Aunt Nell spoils them, they have free reign of our childhood barbie collection, they get lots of attention, and surprisingly they've done fairly well here.
On the other hand, their schedule has been thrown off so they aren't always getting enough sleep. (What is it about changing your environment that you can't seem to function quite right? Or is it just me?) Unfortunately, lack of sleep has led to clingy girls, attention hogging, whining, crying and temper tantrums. While these things are usually part of our day, it's not usually to this extent. Being the only parent here (Matt is still in Utah until Sunday) has been very taxing.
I have spent most of my days here frustrated with my girls. It's exhausting to constantly be clinged to, whined at, screamed at, and disrespected. Sometimes I almost want to cry when they get like this. My patience well is running so low I am actually feeling happy I have to work 8 hours today so I can get a break.
While all of this is quite a normal cycle in the life of a parent with young children, I started thinking tonight of the bigger picture.
In the last few days things have really looked up. They finally got to hold their precious, tiny miracle, bathe her, feed her (through a feeding tube) and begin to look towards a future of taking her home.
I watched their weathered faces gradually brighten with hope and love and happiness in a situation that is still precarious, but stable for now. They love her with everything they have, want the very best for her, want her to be happy. Mostly, they are grateful every day that she is alive and here with them.
This is parenting at it's best.
And it took me back to the first time I held Zoe and Paige. It reminded me of all the promises I made to myself and to them in those first moments of parenthood. Especially the first time around when you go into it completely blind and find that parenting is all about learning as you go. When you think you won't make the same mistakes your parents, friends, and neighbors did.
People try to tell you how hard parenting can be. I've often said myself that parenting is the most frustrating, yet most rewarding thing I've ever done. Yet no one told me, and no one really could have put it into words, the day-to-day frustrations of parenting. Especially how it builds up.
When your kids are being difficult, it is sometimes hard to remember the pure joy of those first moments. It's hard to remember to find joy in the every day moments with them. It's hard to appreciate the sweet moments on the days where they are far and few between.
While I've been busy feeling frustrated with my children, Cameron and Kristin are grateful for another day with theirs. While I get annoyed with how clingy my girls are, they waited for days just to be able to hold Isabella. While I get tired of the whining, they are giddy over every movement and noise.
While I contemplated this, I thought to myself, "These are your most precious blessings! Your job is to love them, care for them, teach them and support them. NO MATTER WHAT!" Instantly I felt like I needed to reevaluate myself as a parent. Zoe and Paige are kids. They are allowed to be roller coasters of emotion. It is my job to be their solid ground, their cheerleader, and their teacher. Mostly I just need to show them as much love as I possibly can.
I love being Zoe and Paige's Mom. I am grateful for my girls. I do feel blessed to have them in my life. What needs to change is I need to show them that I feel this way. Show them my joy more and my frustration less. Use my calm voice more and my loud one less. Be more gentle and kind and patient (even when it seems impossible) so they will learn to be more gentle and kind and patient. I want to remember this time in our lives as a happy time and not a frustrated time.
The only way I know how to do this is to make the commitment today and make the better choice at every opportunity. I know I won't be perfect at it. But if I can do better every day, then we will be happier.
I knew the second I met her that Isabella would be an inspiration in my family. I knew she would have a lot to teach us. I didn't realized it would happen so quickly. Or that my little sister could be such an example to me. Your prayers and good thoughts for my family and for Isabella continue to be appreciated.
What challenges do you face in your life? Have you ever had an epiphany that made you want to change things? Leave me a comment! I love to hear from you.
A Miracle
I witnessed a miracle today. A gorgeous, 12.8 inch, 1 pound 14 ounce
miracle. Her name is Isabella and she is my newest niece- and the very first
for me on my side of the family. As I sat by her side and gently stroked her
tiny feet, it was love at first sight.
She looks just like her Mom, my youngest sister, Kristin, who says she has her Dad's lips. As I sat and watched her tiny chest rise and fall I noticed her clenched fist looked an awful lot like mine. I smiled inwardly at this and laughed a while later when my Mom echoed that thought aloud. Only fitting, since my firstborn looked just like her Aunt Kristin at birth.
Speaking of Kristin, I am so proud of her. After all she's faced in the last two days she was calm and self assured when I finally got to see her. Already doing what Mommies do best: taking care of her little girl any way she can. Amazing how in one day, the little sister who I always had trouble accepting was old enough to be married, became a Mom. And, though she has been for a while, a woman in the eyes of an older sister who didn't want to believe she grew up. So much wisdom and bravery in her eyes.
And who could ask for a better Dad than Cameron? My Brother-in-law is a rock upon rocks. He is brave and strong and always keeps a clear head. Always there to support the people he loves. Someone you can count on. As he took me back to see her, I listened to him talking. It takes literally seconds to become a Father. Any man can be a Father. Cameron is a Dad.
Imagine finding out you're going to be a parent three months early! They have both stepped up to that role and I am so in awe of them. Isabella couldn't have come to better parents.
There has been miracle upon miracle in her life so far. She is a strong and special little girl. I can't wait to see what she does with this life of hers. I can't wait to see what she has to teach us. For now, she just needs to rest and grow.
I don't want to share too many details here. I don't want to take that privilege from her parents. I will say that your thoughts and prayers thus far seem to be working...and continue to ask for more.
I love you little Bella!
She looks just like her Mom, my youngest sister, Kristin, who says she has her Dad's lips. As I sat and watched her tiny chest rise and fall I noticed her clenched fist looked an awful lot like mine. I smiled inwardly at this and laughed a while later when my Mom echoed that thought aloud. Only fitting, since my firstborn looked just like her Aunt Kristin at birth.
Speaking of Kristin, I am so proud of her. After all she's faced in the last two days she was calm and self assured when I finally got to see her. Already doing what Mommies do best: taking care of her little girl any way she can. Amazing how in one day, the little sister who I always had trouble accepting was old enough to be married, became a Mom. And, though she has been for a while, a woman in the eyes of an older sister who didn't want to believe she grew up. So much wisdom and bravery in her eyes.
And who could ask for a better Dad than Cameron? My Brother-in-law is a rock upon rocks. He is brave and strong and always keeps a clear head. Always there to support the people he loves. Someone you can count on. As he took me back to see her, I listened to him talking. It takes literally seconds to become a Father. Any man can be a Father. Cameron is a Dad.
Imagine finding out you're going to be a parent three months early! They have both stepped up to that role and I am so in awe of them. Isabella couldn't have come to better parents.
There has been miracle upon miracle in her life so far. She is a strong and special little girl. I can't wait to see what she does with this life of hers. I can't wait to see what she has to teach us. For now, she just needs to rest and grow.
I don't want to share too many details here. I don't want to take that privilege from her parents. I will say that your thoughts and prayers thus far seem to be working...and continue to ask for more.
I love you little Bella!
Three Years
Dear Zoe,
Right now you are sleeping and I'm enjoying the stillness of the house. When you're awake, you are a bubbly, loud, high-pitched ball of fun...most of the time. I enjoy that part too. You have just entered your third year of life. Year two was a very big year for you.
Shortly after you turned two you became a big sister. You had a really hard time adjusting to sharing attention. Especially at the beginning when Paige needed so much of mine. It was an adjustment for me too. I missed being able to play with you almost any time you wanted. Getting just the two of us ready and out of the house. Going on walks together to the park or the library. Being able to just focus on you.
Paige came and all of that changed. Not because I love her more, just because adding someone else to the family is both difficult and wonderful. Also, babies are hard. They are cute and snugly and you love them and kiss their cheeks, but they don't let you sleep and they cry and want to eat all the time. I think we're finally starting to get the hang of it. Mom is learning how to divide her time between the two of you. And you are starting to play with your sister a bit more.
Curiously, you have a difficult time being "gentle" with her. I'm certain you just want to play with her, but it's hard for Mom to get you to understand that she's little. You're getting better though. You are sweet. You are constantly watching out for her and letting us know if she needs something or is doing something dangerous. You love her so much. Every morning you come in and ask me, "Can we go get Paige?"
For a long time you would run into her room and shout, "Hip-pottomas!" Paige would grin and you would giggle. Now you just yell, "Good Morning!" You often share with her (though sometimes you don't) and you are my little helper. Always getting her toys to play with and even trying to feed her. Your favorite thing to do for Paige is make her laugh.
A couple months later, Dad moved out for a while and we ended up getting divorced and you learned to split households. This was hard on you. You asked Mom a lot of questions I didn't have answers for. You cried and were upset easily. You started coming into my room at night. You couldn't understand why Daddy wasn't home anymore.
You're too little to understand what happened. And part of you is still trying to feel secure now that things have mended. Still, I'm so proud of you for how your young self handled this. I get teary-eyed thinking of times I cried and you would come hand me bunny to make me feel better. You were so worried about me and I tried to put on a brave face for you, but failed so many times.
All you need to know for now is that Mom and Dad forgot how to love and trust each other. We forgot to be kind and forgiving. Now we know how grateful we are for each other. When you are older we will have a lot to teach you about love and commitment. For now, we promise we will be a forever family just like it was supposed to be.
This year you really came out of your shell. Where you were shy around most people before, you are now open and talkative. You wave and smile easily. You will talk to anyone who will listen. You love to sing and will sing anything from Twinkle to Michael Jackson to Adele. Music moves you. You enjoy dancing to a good beat and playing the piano.
You want to do everything "by myself, Mom". You are interested in the things I do and always want to help me cook or clean. You are becoming more and more independent every day. Sometimes I miss you needing me more. Occasionally you will still ask me to do things for you that I know you can do on your own. Or ask me to carry you. I'm grateful for these moments you give me to "baby" you. I know they will not go on for much longer.
You are beautiful and smart. You still love to read and you love to tell your own little stories. Often they start with, "When I was a Mommy" or "When I was 15" or "When I was a dog". I love to listen to your imagination being put to words. Or when you "read" and talk about what you picked up from books...or read them all the way through from memory. Your vocabulary amazes me. Often, people are surprised you are so young because you converse so well.
Sometimes, because of this, Mom forgets you are still young and tries to treat you like an adult. You put me in my place fairly quickly. We have a lot of "battles" thoughout the day. Your emotions are so big for such a little girl. We are working on putting names to how you're feeling and finding better ways to deal with them. Mom is working on holding her temper back.
See, even Moms and Dads make mistakes. We try hard to recognize them, apologize and correct them. I hope this teaches you that it's ok to make mistakes sometimes. As long as you learn from them and do what you can to fix any damage you caused.
Potty training was a good lesson in this. When you're a Mom, you will understand why Mom lost her temper a few times during this part of year two. Potty training is frustrating. For everyone. But you pulled through and Mom learned to keep her cool and now you are officially potty trained! Even at night. Mom and Dad are SO proud of you for learning this important skill!
You talked about your birthday for months before it ever happened. You are obsessed with Pink and wanted Grandma to make you a pink cake. And you never let her forget it. You were certain from the day I asked, and every time I checked after that, that you wanted Barbies, books, clothes and a fish that you wanted to name "Fish Food." (You got them.)
You LOVED your birthday this year. I loved seeing your face light up over your presents and all the people who came to celebrate with you. You are certain you are a princess and I'm inclined to agree. Princesses are all the rage in our house now.
Other things you love and have discovered this year are Elmo (still), Dora (ugh), everything princesses, sidewalk chalk, pedaling your bike, hopping, jumping, skipping, Tangled (the first Disney movie you fell in love with), picking out clothes and dressing yourself, going to the dentist (you keep asking to go back), pulling weeds (playing in the dirt), dress-up, your play-kitchen, barbies, books, music and your friends.
It's often hard for me to watch you grow up. I frequently ask you if you could stay little forever. Always the sweet one, you tell me "yes". I know that I can't keep you here forever though. So I write these letters to you to tell you how much I love you and to remember the moments when you were small and adorable (most of the time). Maybe someday you will read them and understand the blessing you are in my life. I hope you always know how much I LOVE to be your Mom. It is the best job ever!
Love,
Mama
Right now you are sleeping and I'm enjoying the stillness of the house. When you're awake, you are a bubbly, loud, high-pitched ball of fun...most of the time. I enjoy that part too. You have just entered your third year of life. Year two was a very big year for you.
Shortly after you turned two you became a big sister. You had a really hard time adjusting to sharing attention. Especially at the beginning when Paige needed so much of mine. It was an adjustment for me too. I missed being able to play with you almost any time you wanted. Getting just the two of us ready and out of the house. Going on walks together to the park or the library. Being able to just focus on you.
Paige came and all of that changed. Not because I love her more, just because adding someone else to the family is both difficult and wonderful. Also, babies are hard. They are cute and snugly and you love them and kiss their cheeks, but they don't let you sleep and they cry and want to eat all the time. I think we're finally starting to get the hang of it. Mom is learning how to divide her time between the two of you. And you are starting to play with your sister a bit more.
Curiously, you have a difficult time being "gentle" with her. I'm certain you just want to play with her, but it's hard for Mom to get you to understand that she's little. You're getting better though. You are sweet. You are constantly watching out for her and letting us know if she needs something or is doing something dangerous. You love her so much. Every morning you come in and ask me, "Can we go get Paige?"
For a long time you would run into her room and shout, "Hip-pottomas!" Paige would grin and you would giggle. Now you just yell, "Good Morning!" You often share with her (though sometimes you don't) and you are my little helper. Always getting her toys to play with and even trying to feed her. Your favorite thing to do for Paige is make her laugh.
A couple months later, Dad moved out for a while and we ended up getting divorced and you learned to split households. This was hard on you. You asked Mom a lot of questions I didn't have answers for. You cried and were upset easily. You started coming into my room at night. You couldn't understand why Daddy wasn't home anymore.
You're too little to understand what happened. And part of you is still trying to feel secure now that things have mended. Still, I'm so proud of you for how your young self handled this. I get teary-eyed thinking of times I cried and you would come hand me bunny to make me feel better. You were so worried about me and I tried to put on a brave face for you, but failed so many times.
All you need to know for now is that Mom and Dad forgot how to love and trust each other. We forgot to be kind and forgiving. Now we know how grateful we are for each other. When you are older we will have a lot to teach you about love and commitment. For now, we promise we will be a forever family just like it was supposed to be.
This year you really came out of your shell. Where you were shy around most people before, you are now open and talkative. You wave and smile easily. You will talk to anyone who will listen. You love to sing and will sing anything from Twinkle to Michael Jackson to Adele. Music moves you. You enjoy dancing to a good beat and playing the piano.
You want to do everything "by myself, Mom". You are interested in the things I do and always want to help me cook or clean. You are becoming more and more independent every day. Sometimes I miss you needing me more. Occasionally you will still ask me to do things for you that I know you can do on your own. Or ask me to carry you. I'm grateful for these moments you give me to "baby" you. I know they will not go on for much longer.
You are beautiful and smart. You still love to read and you love to tell your own little stories. Often they start with, "When I was a Mommy" or "When I was 15" or "When I was a dog". I love to listen to your imagination being put to words. Or when you "read" and talk about what you picked up from books...or read them all the way through from memory. Your vocabulary amazes me. Often, people are surprised you are so young because you converse so well.
Sometimes, because of this, Mom forgets you are still young and tries to treat you like an adult. You put me in my place fairly quickly. We have a lot of "battles" thoughout the day. Your emotions are so big for such a little girl. We are working on putting names to how you're feeling and finding better ways to deal with them. Mom is working on holding her temper back.
See, even Moms and Dads make mistakes. We try hard to recognize them, apologize and correct them. I hope this teaches you that it's ok to make mistakes sometimes. As long as you learn from them and do what you can to fix any damage you caused.
Potty training was a good lesson in this. When you're a Mom, you will understand why Mom lost her temper a few times during this part of year two. Potty training is frustrating. For everyone. But you pulled through and Mom learned to keep her cool and now you are officially potty trained! Even at night. Mom and Dad are SO proud of you for learning this important skill!
You talked about your birthday for months before it ever happened. You are obsessed with Pink and wanted Grandma to make you a pink cake. And you never let her forget it. You were certain from the day I asked, and every time I checked after that, that you wanted Barbies, books, clothes and a fish that you wanted to name "Fish Food." (You got them.)
You LOVED your birthday this year. I loved seeing your face light up over your presents and all the people who came to celebrate with you. You are certain you are a princess and I'm inclined to agree. Princesses are all the rage in our house now.
Other things you love and have discovered this year are Elmo (still), Dora (ugh), everything princesses, sidewalk chalk, pedaling your bike, hopping, jumping, skipping, Tangled (the first Disney movie you fell in love with), picking out clothes and dressing yourself, going to the dentist (you keep asking to go back), pulling weeds (playing in the dirt), dress-up, your play-kitchen, barbies, books, music and your friends.
It's often hard for me to watch you grow up. I frequently ask you if you could stay little forever. Always the sweet one, you tell me "yes". I know that I can't keep you here forever though. So I write these letters to you to tell you how much I love you and to remember the moments when you were small and adorable (most of the time). Maybe someday you will read them and understand the blessing you are in my life. I hope you always know how much I LOVE to be your Mom. It is the best job ever!
Love,
Mama
Five Minute Friday: Grateful
It's time for Five Minute Friday! Click over to The Gypsy Mama for instructions if you would like to
participate! (You totally should!)
Go.
I am finding it difficult to put into words all the things I am grateful for...especially in five minutes. So I'm going with the list option.
I'm grateful for Love.
Grateful for my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ.
Grateful for Matt. Especially for having a second chance to have him in my life as my husband.
Grateful for Zoe. For how often she makes me laugh. For her testing my patience and making it stronger. For her beautiful, infectious smile and her singing.
Grateful for Paige. For her big beautiful eyes that seem to light up over everything. For how easy-going she is and how much she seems to really enjoy life.
Grateful for family visits. My Mom was recently in town with my little brother. It was so nice to have them here. She always does so much for us. I hope she knows how grateful we are for that.
Grateful for my family and friends. For all the love and support they freely give us. For the smiles, the laughter, the company and everything else.
Grateful for my home, my job, Matt's job. The fact that I am able to adequately provide for my family. We may not have everything we want, but we always have everything we need.
Grateful for this blog. For a place I can express myself, no matter who I am that day. And for people who are willing to read and comment and be part of my life.
Last, I am grateful for this opportunity to see all that I have to be grateful for. It's humbling.
Stop.
I could have gone on forever! Today's prompt is fabulous! What are you grateful for? Leave me a comment!
Go.
I am finding it difficult to put into words all the things I am grateful for...especially in five minutes. So I'm going with the list option.
Grateful for my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ.
Grateful for Matt. Especially for having a second chance to have him in my life as my husband.
Grateful for Zoe. For how often she makes me laugh. For her testing my patience and making it stronger. For her beautiful, infectious smile and her singing.
Grateful for Paige. For her big beautiful eyes that seem to light up over everything. For how easy-going she is and how much she seems to really enjoy life.
Grateful for family visits. My Mom was recently in town with my little brother. It was so nice to have them here. She always does so much for us. I hope she knows how grateful we are for that.
Grateful for my family and friends. For all the love and support they freely give us. For the smiles, the laughter, the company and everything else.
Grateful for my home, my job, Matt's job. The fact that I am able to adequately provide for my family. We may not have everything we want, but we always have everything we need.
Grateful for this blog. For a place I can express myself, no matter who I am that day. And for people who are willing to read and comment and be part of my life.
Last, I am grateful for this opportunity to see all that I have to be grateful for. It's humbling.
Stop.
I could have gone on forever! Today's prompt is fabulous! What are you grateful for? Leave me a comment!
Three
Today my little miracle baby turned three.
I can't believe it.
If you want to know why she's my miracle baby read the older posts labeled "infertility".
We had a birthday BBQ for her last Saturday. She had an absolute BLAST!
She also attended a Princess Festival here in town where everyone addressed her as "Princess Zoe".
She now insists she is a princess.
Which is true.
As is customary, I will be writing her three-year letter. Today I just wanted to spend some time with her. We're having a "yes" day and she's loving it.
Tonight we're going to share cupcakes at Daddy's softball game and get her last present- a goldfish "like Dorothy" (see Elmo) which she has decided to name "Fish Food".
Yes, she came up with that all by herself.
Happy Birthday my beautiful girl!
Facebook Killed the Blogger
These days I spend way to much time on Facebook. While it is a fantastic way to
stay in touch with family and friends scattered across the country/world, it is
also very time consuming and addicting. I've tossed around the idea of
canceling my account altogether...but can't stand the thought of losing easy
contact with all those people. The most annoying thing about my Facebook
addiction is that I haven't been blogging. I've met so many wonderful people
through this blog and I don't want to lost contact with them either. I need to
find some sort of balance between the two. Anyway, while I work on balancing my
life...which IS the point of this blog...here's an update:
Taken on Mother's Day-26 weeks pregnant. I'm now almost 28 weeks pregnant. I have my check-up on Friday when I have to take the glucose test to determine if I have to be treated for gestational diabetes or not. Paige is getting big. She likes to move around a lot- I really enjoy watching her movements from the outside. Unfortunately, she tends to move the most when I want to sleep or relax. I find I'm having a lot more "fake" contractions with this pregnancy. They can be uncomfortable, but not too worrisome. She already seems to like music. Several times she'll be moving around and I'll begin to sing and she suddenly stops. I love it. Zoe seems to understand what's going on more and more. We are trying to prepare her as much as we can. Other than pregnancy, I keep busy with work, trying to keep up with the house, spend as many hours in the sun as possible, and enjoy my Zoe.
Speaking of Zoe, she is becoming our little comedian. It's almost hard to remember all the things she does that make us laugh daily. She is really starting to remember people and will ask where they are constantly...and repetitively. These people range from friends, to family, to neighbors, etc. Sometimes she will even yell, "Mommy (or bunny, or "insert name here"), where are you?!" She always asks where Love is in the morning. When I tell her he's at work she responds with, "Playing basketball." Apparently she thinks Daddy was destined for something else? Her newest/most used phrase lately is, "I want some more!" This can be anything from repeating a song we just sang, to food, to a fun activity, etc. Her new favorite song is, "Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed." I added an "ouch" after the monkey falls and bumps his head- which receives tons of giggles. Zoe always sings the last part: "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!" It's awesome. She loves to watch Elmo and Clifford...I save these for when I need to occupy her so I can shower or etc. She really enjoys going to the park, the library and going on walks with Mommy. We're enjoying the warmer weather as much as we can. Also, we just switched our big girl to a toddler bed a week ago. I'll save that update for another post. She also got her first pair of sunglasses...which she LOVES.
Love just got a promotion. He has worked so hard and deserves it completely. It took a few months to process and we haven't quite seen the raise, but everything is finalized so it just depends on which paycheck they start it on. We're excited to have a little more breathing room in the money department. He is an awesome husband and Daddy and a neighborhood favorite with the kids. Here he is demonstrating "the mean face" with Zoe. How I love my little family!
Taken on Mother's Day-26 weeks pregnant. I'm now almost 28 weeks pregnant. I have my check-up on Friday when I have to take the glucose test to determine if I have to be treated for gestational diabetes or not. Paige is getting big. She likes to move around a lot- I really enjoy watching her movements from the outside. Unfortunately, she tends to move the most when I want to sleep or relax. I find I'm having a lot more "fake" contractions with this pregnancy. They can be uncomfortable, but not too worrisome. She already seems to like music. Several times she'll be moving around and I'll begin to sing and she suddenly stops. I love it. Zoe seems to understand what's going on more and more. We are trying to prepare her as much as we can. Other than pregnancy, I keep busy with work, trying to keep up with the house, spend as many hours in the sun as possible, and enjoy my Zoe.
Speaking of Zoe, she is becoming our little comedian. It's almost hard to remember all the things she does that make us laugh daily. She is really starting to remember people and will ask where they are constantly...and repetitively. These people range from friends, to family, to neighbors, etc. Sometimes she will even yell, "Mommy (or bunny, or "insert name here"), where are you?!" She always asks where Love is in the morning. When I tell her he's at work she responds with, "Playing basketball." Apparently she thinks Daddy was destined for something else? Her newest/most used phrase lately is, "I want some more!" This can be anything from repeating a song we just sang, to food, to a fun activity, etc. Her new favorite song is, "Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed." I added an "ouch" after the monkey falls and bumps his head- which receives tons of giggles. Zoe always sings the last part: "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!" It's awesome. She loves to watch Elmo and Clifford...I save these for when I need to occupy her so I can shower or etc. She really enjoys going to the park, the library and going on walks with Mommy. We're enjoying the warmer weather as much as we can. Also, we just switched our big girl to a toddler bed a week ago. I'll save that update for another post. She also got her first pair of sunglasses...which she LOVES.
Love just got a promotion. He has worked so hard and deserves it completely. It took a few months to process and we haven't quite seen the raise, but everything is finalized so it just depends on which paycheck they start it on. We're excited to have a little more breathing room in the money department. He is an awesome husband and Daddy and a neighborhood favorite with the kids. Here he is demonstrating "the mean face" with Zoe. How I love my little family!
Warm Weather
Something about sunshine and warm weather makes me care less about cleaning
or playing on the computer and care more about playing and soaking up the
warmth! This is what we've been up to since I last posted:
Zoe's learning to dress (and, unfortunately, undress) herself
We had a little egg coloring party at our house the day before Easter
Zoe thought blue fingers might be fun
Zoe's reaction to seeing her Easter basket
Easter spoils
Success with pigtails!
Zoe LOVES to collect rocks
We've been to the park a few times
Zoe loves to swing. She says, "Again?", over and over and when we leave she can't stop telling me how much fun she had. She also really likes the slide.
Park Princess
Zoe likes to prop frog up to sit with her when she plays the piano
As you can see, we've had a fun couple of weeks so I hope you'll forgive my absence. Also, while I was away, we chose to name baby number two: Paige Alexis. I'm glad to finally have a name for her! So far the pregnancy seems to be going fine, though the warm weather has brought on a bit of early swelling and I'm starting to really "feel" pregnant, which makes getting through the day a bit more difficult but still manageable. Paige is definitely stretching and kicking her legs as much as she can. I'm now 23 weeks and 1 day into this pregnancy- it seems to be going so much faster this time around. Zoe is starting to grasp that there is a baby in there...at least I think so. She likes to kiss my tummy and she's felt Paige kick a couple times. I'm not sure that she knows what it actually was, but she was sure wide-eyed when she felt the movement. I'm enjoying all these sweet moments.
Zoe's learning to dress (and, unfortunately, undress) herself
We had a little egg coloring party at our house the day before Easter
Zoe thought blue fingers might be fun
Zoe's reaction to seeing her Easter basket
Easter spoils
Success with pigtails!
Zoe LOVES to collect rocks
We've been to the park a few times
Zoe loves to swing. She says, "Again?", over and over and when we leave she can't stop telling me how much fun she had. She also really likes the slide.
Park Princess
Zoe likes to prop frog up to sit with her when she plays the piano
As you can see, we've had a fun couple of weeks so I hope you'll forgive my absence. Also, while I was away, we chose to name baby number two: Paige Alexis. I'm glad to finally have a name for her! So far the pregnancy seems to be going fine, though the warm weather has brought on a bit of early swelling and I'm starting to really "feel" pregnant, which makes getting through the day a bit more difficult but still manageable. Paige is definitely stretching and kicking her legs as much as she can. I'm now 23 weeks and 1 day into this pregnancy- it seems to be going so much faster this time around. Zoe is starting to grasp that there is a baby in there...at least I think so. She likes to kiss my tummy and she's felt Paige kick a couple times. I'm not sure that she knows what it actually was, but she was sure wide-eyed when she felt the movement. I'm enjoying all these sweet moments.
Christmas 2009
The ridiculously late posting of these photos makes me so embarrassed I
almost don't want to post them... but here we go. We spent Christmas in NM with
my family. Nearly two weeks of relaxation and good company. We had a great
time. Here are a few pictures of Christmas morning.
And a couple more from that trip:
Bathtime fun with Aunt N.
She's feeling a need for speed
The End of 2009.
And a couple more from that trip:
Bathtime fun with Aunt N.
She's feeling a need for speed
The End of 2009.
Hello World
I know I haven't been on here in a while. Truthfully I wasn't sure what to write. I'm still not sure. I really should write Zoe's 9 month post...but wonder if that undertaking isn't more than it's worth sometimes. Maybe I need to find a new way to go about it that doesn't create novel posts. Anyhow, you're not getting that one today. I've been thinking a lot lately about life. A couple weeks ago my Grandpa C- my Daddy's Father- passed away. While it wasn't completely unexpected, it felt sudden. Rushed. When my Mom's Daddy- Grandpa L passed away a couple of months ago, I got to say my goodbye to him over the phone...and I was sort of hoping he would leave this life...just so he could be at peace. His health had been slowly deteriorating for so long that, even though we would miss him, we knew it was time for him to go. After the beginning of the year my Grandpa C started going downhill. He has been suffering from Dementia for a few years now. It was hard on all of us- his family- to watch his mind deteriorate. I knew the day would soon come that he would leave us...I just thought I'd have more time. I guess that is the way of many of us in this world. We always think we'll have more time. We keep placing agendas on tomorrow's to do list until we eventually run out of tomorrows. Anyway, the day my Grandpa passed away- March 22nd, I was sad, but he hadn't eaten in days and was completely bed ridden and so I was a bit relieved. On the day of the viewing, I fell apart. It didn't really hit me until I was there that he was gone. I will miss him greatly. I'm comforted by the knowledge that he is in a better place. I'm sure he's up there teasing and joking with our relatives gone before him- the way he did with us growing up. Still, his passing has been harder on me than I thought. I think it has something to do with both of my Grandpas leaving me so close together. I worry about both Grandmas and hope they know how much they are loved and hope they can find comfort now. I suppose with both of my Grandpas I have a bit of regret lingering. I called often, but could have called more. I wish I could have been there more. The more I think about it the more I let these things go. I know that they both know how much I love them. I know I will see them both again. I guess what you could conclude from my ramblings is that I'm missing a couple of wonderful men from my life...and it's caused me to think more about what I'm doing with that life. I'm still not sure other than my role as a wife/ mother/ daughter/ friend. Other than that, I'm still thinking.
34 Weeks
Sorry this post is a little late. My Mom is in town and I've been spending lots of time with her and my little brother. Time is traveling along...sometimes not fast enough. As my due date nears I find myself more and more anxious to meet this little girl who's been growing inside of me. I just can't wait to hold her in my arms. The Non-Stress Tests continue to be normal- Zoe always passes with flying colors. This week we start cervical exams with the doctor- how fun- and I guess we'll just see what happens. Is it sad that I'm hoping to be induced? Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am a planner. I am not spontaneous...ever. So, this whole labor at any given moment thing kind of freaks me out. I want it to be all planned out so I can make sure my Mom is here, make sure I have everything ready, that my bag is packed, etc. Of course I know this is not how labor works. There is an excellent possibility that I won't get to be induced and I'll just have to roll with the punches. Maybe it will be good for me. I know that my planned out lifestyle is not necessarily the best environment for a child. Babies do not make plans...they are the masters of spontaneity. Maybe this is something I should learn to deal with now?
As of now, Zoe should weigh about 5 lbs and should be about 16 inches long. Reading this really puts in perspective the importance of her growth the next few weeks. In terms of newborn size, she's currently tiny! She gets the hiccups often. I told my Mom that I hope she's not exercising those lungs merely in preparation to be a screamer. She moves around a lot, possibly trying to find one comfortable spot in a very cramped space...while I do contortions to keep her out of my ribs. So big and yet so small...
Grandma (to be) is very excited. In fact she held my niece the other day and got all teary-eyed and said she couldn't wait until Zoe gets here. (Just a side note: Have you ever tried to comfortably hold a newborn when you're pregnant? Let me tell you, it is awkward. I can't wait until I can comfortable hold my nieces...as well as my baby girl.) Love is always rubbing and kissing my belly and telling Zoe to stay strong and healthy. He can't wait for her arrival either. It has also been fun to have my little brother around. He's always trying to feel for where she is or lays his head on my belly. He'll be a young, but great uncle.
As of now, Zoe should weigh about 5 lbs and should be about 16 inches long. Reading this really puts in perspective the importance of her growth the next few weeks. In terms of newborn size, she's currently tiny! She gets the hiccups often. I told my Mom that I hope she's not exercising those lungs merely in preparation to be a screamer. She moves around a lot, possibly trying to find one comfortable spot in a very cramped space...while I do contortions to keep her out of my ribs. So big and yet so small...
Grandma (to be) is very excited. In fact she held my niece the other day and got all teary-eyed and said she couldn't wait until Zoe gets here. (Just a side note: Have you ever tried to comfortably hold a newborn when you're pregnant? Let me tell you, it is awkward. I can't wait until I can comfortable hold my nieces...as well as my baby girl.) Love is always rubbing and kissing my belly and telling Zoe to stay strong and healthy. He can't wait for her arrival either. It has also been fun to have my little brother around. He's always trying to feel for where she is or lays his head on my belly. He'll be a young, but great uncle.
26 Weeks
This week has brought on a lot more heartburn and swollen ankles. I find myself spending more and more time with my feet up to keep my legs from retaining water. I've tried to drink more water and my Mom told me to cut down on the salt...any other ideas?
Other than that, things are progressing fine. Zöe is getting big- just over a foot long and nearly 2 pounds. I am tickled by the fact that I can see her movements from the outside very clearly. I've started to play a game with her in the mornings where I'll poke a spot on the belly and she bumps me there...then I'll follow the arm/leg/knee/elbow across my stomach. I am in love with this child and the feeling of life and movement inside of me. It is indescribable.
My Mom was in town for part of the week and it was so nice to have her here. She brought me baby clothes and all the nursery furniture...along with purchasing numerous things while here for her first Grandchild. She spoiled Love, Zöe, and I quite a bit while she was here and we are very grateful. I miss having my Mom around and wish she could daily witness the little miracles of this pregnancy. She left early this morning and I will miss having her, and my little brother, around. I'm so glad she got to see me at this stage of pregnancy and will again in a month when I head to New Mexico for my family baby shower.
Speaking of showers, I had my first on Tuesday night with Love's family. We played a couple games and mostly sat and talked, and then I opened gifts. It was really fun! We got lots of adorable and also extremely needed things for Zöe from the shower. I'm constantly amazed at how giving people are with the anticipation of this new little person growing inside of me. Receiving all those tiny and practical baby things made me antsy for her arrival. I can't wait! My sisters-in-law did an awesome job throwing the shower and I'm so very grateful!
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It has been a busy week. Not only did I have my shower, family in town, and some physical ailments, Love's Grandfather passed away on Friday and we had his funeral on Wednesday. I didn't personally know the man very well, but Love took it rather hard. We spent the week mourning the loss of a great man and spending time with loved ones. The funeral was beautiful, there was an amazing spirit there and lots of people came to pay their respects. We're blessed to know that he is now in a better place, no longer suffering the sickness of his body. We love you Grandpa!
Other than that, things are progressing fine. Zöe is getting big- just over a foot long and nearly 2 pounds. I am tickled by the fact that I can see her movements from the outside very clearly. I've started to play a game with her in the mornings where I'll poke a spot on the belly and she bumps me there...then I'll follow the arm/leg/knee/elbow across my stomach. I am in love with this child and the feeling of life and movement inside of me. It is indescribable.
My Mom was in town for part of the week and it was so nice to have her here. She brought me baby clothes and all the nursery furniture...along with purchasing numerous things while here for her first Grandchild. She spoiled Love, Zöe, and I quite a bit while she was here and we are very grateful. I miss having my Mom around and wish she could daily witness the little miracles of this pregnancy. She left early this morning and I will miss having her, and my little brother, around. I'm so glad she got to see me at this stage of pregnancy and will again in a month when I head to New Mexico for my family baby shower.
Speaking of showers, I had my first on Tuesday night with Love's family. We played a couple games and mostly sat and talked, and then I opened gifts. It was really fun! We got lots of adorable and also extremely needed things for Zöe from the shower. I'm constantly amazed at how giving people are with the anticipation of this new little person growing inside of me. Receiving all those tiny and practical baby things made me antsy for her arrival. I can't wait! My sisters-in-law did an awesome job throwing the shower and I'm so very grateful!
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It has been a busy week. Not only did I have my shower, family in town, and some physical ailments, Love's Grandfather passed away on Friday and we had his funeral on Wednesday. I didn't personally know the man very well, but Love took it rather hard. We spent the week mourning the loss of a great man and spending time with loved ones. The funeral was beautiful, there was an amazing spirit there and lots of people came to pay their respects. We're blessed to know that he is now in a better place, no longer suffering the sickness of his body. We love you Grandpa!
Three cheers and goodbye to this crazy summer!
Hello Internets! How I have missed you. Time flies when you lose your mind! Well it has been a busy two weeks. Here is a brief break down.
Cheer number one: I went home for my sister's wedding. I spent the whole time finishing pew bows and running around town for last minute things. I also enjoyed spending time with my family. We had lots of late nights, especially Friday- the night before the wedding- when we were at the church until almost midnight setting up. Saturday, August 4th me and sis woke up early and headed off to her hair appointment. Soon after, we drove to a local department store so a friend could do her make-up. We got to the church in time with her looking lovely an me looking...well, less than spectacular. As a bridesmaid curled my hair, I did my make-up while trying to oversee everything in the bride's room. My best friend, Allison, captured quite a decent picture of me- among several other lovelies. She was the photographer for the wedding, I can't wait to see the rest! After pictures, the wedding began. I did fine emotionally until my beautiful Sister walked down the aisle on the arm of my Dad. The wedding was filled with lots of music and I was asked to play my flute alongside my other sister, Kristin, while my parents sang. After the ring ceremony, as a bawling mess, I sang "The Rose" by Bette Midler while the wedding party made their way out of the chapel. (From what I've been told, it sounded good, but I couldn't tell...I was just trying to concentrate on breathing.) The wedding video I made turned out lovely, I was so proud. The reception was full of good food, great music, family and friends chattering and catching up, camera lights flashing repeatedly, and a couple that couldn't take their eyes from each other. One of the highlights was a dance for all married couples. As the music played the DJ eliminated couples based on how long they'd been married. At the end, only our grandparents were left. We sat teary-eyed watching as my wheelchair-bound grandfather was pushed around rhythmically by my sweet grandma and while our other set of grandparents lovingly guided each other across the floor. At sixty-one years our grandparents finally sat down and we all applauded their love and long commitment. The whole day was tasteful and breathtaking and I am so excited to have another Brother-In-Law. Congratulations my Sister and her new Husband! I love you both!
Cheer number two: After a one day break, my mom, two sisters, one new brother, and my little brother drove up to Utah for a similar type of celebration for Matt and I. I don't often talk about religion on the internet because I hold it dear and sacred, but for this I will make an exception. In my religion, we believe that you can be married for eternity, not just until death do you part. On Wednesday, August 8th, Matt and I were married (again) for time and all eternity. I can tell you that it was the single best day of my life to this point and, even if you don't understand it, please know that this is something most important to me...something for which I've been waiting a long time. We are so happy! Matt's family has been so supportive and we loved having them with us that day. It was so nice to have my family up here, and wonderful that my Sister and new Brother were able to spend their honeymoon in Park City so as to be here for our day. We ended up spending a lot more time with them than we anticipated and their absence from our home is greatly missed.
Cheer number three: Although I was sad to see my family go...and am still missing them two days later...I am excited for life to slow down a little. I want to see my house in order and my schedule reset. I want to spend more alone time with Matt and have more nights relaxing at home. I'm looking forward to fall. I love to watch the leaves turn colors and feel the coolness of the nights. I love the little spooks that visit us on All Hallows Eve and the opportunity to give thanks for all our blessings. I'm ready to say goodbye to summer for another year...
Cheer number one: I went home for my sister's wedding. I spent the whole time finishing pew bows and running around town for last minute things. I also enjoyed spending time with my family. We had lots of late nights, especially Friday- the night before the wedding- when we were at the church until almost midnight setting up. Saturday, August 4th me and sis woke up early and headed off to her hair appointment. Soon after, we drove to a local department store so a friend could do her make-up. We got to the church in time with her looking lovely an me looking...well, less than spectacular. As a bridesmaid curled my hair, I did my make-up while trying to oversee everything in the bride's room. My best friend, Allison, captured quite a decent picture of me- among several other lovelies. She was the photographer for the wedding, I can't wait to see the rest! After pictures, the wedding began. I did fine emotionally until my beautiful Sister walked down the aisle on the arm of my Dad. The wedding was filled with lots of music and I was asked to play my flute alongside my other sister, Kristin, while my parents sang. After the ring ceremony, as a bawling mess, I sang "The Rose" by Bette Midler while the wedding party made their way out of the chapel. (From what I've been told, it sounded good, but I couldn't tell...I was just trying to concentrate on breathing.) The wedding video I made turned out lovely, I was so proud. The reception was full of good food, great music, family and friends chattering and catching up, camera lights flashing repeatedly, and a couple that couldn't take their eyes from each other. One of the highlights was a dance for all married couples. As the music played the DJ eliminated couples based on how long they'd been married. At the end, only our grandparents were left. We sat teary-eyed watching as my wheelchair-bound grandfather was pushed around rhythmically by my sweet grandma and while our other set of grandparents lovingly guided each other across the floor. At sixty-one years our grandparents finally sat down and we all applauded their love and long commitment. The whole day was tasteful and breathtaking and I am so excited to have another Brother-In-Law. Congratulations my Sister and her new Husband! I love you both!
Cheer number two: After a one day break, my mom, two sisters, one new brother, and my little brother drove up to Utah for a similar type of celebration for Matt and I. I don't often talk about religion on the internet because I hold it dear and sacred, but for this I will make an exception. In my religion, we believe that you can be married for eternity, not just until death do you part. On Wednesday, August 8th, Matt and I were married (again) for time and all eternity. I can tell you that it was the single best day of my life to this point and, even if you don't understand it, please know that this is something most important to me...something for which I've been waiting a long time. We are so happy! Matt's family has been so supportive and we loved having them with us that day. It was so nice to have my family up here, and wonderful that my Sister and new Brother were able to spend their honeymoon in Park City so as to be here for our day. We ended up spending a lot more time with them than we anticipated and their absence from our home is greatly missed.
Cheer number three: Although I was sad to see my family go...and am still missing them two days later...I am excited for life to slow down a little. I want to see my house in order and my schedule reset. I want to spend more alone time with Matt and have more nights relaxing at home. I'm looking forward to fall. I love to watch the leaves turn colors and feel the coolness of the nights. I love the little spooks that visit us on All Hallows Eve and the opportunity to give thanks for all our blessings. I'm ready to say goodbye to summer for another year...
Quickly
I am back. The trip was awesome, the wedding was gorgeous, I cried A LOT. I have so much to tell, but this week is crazy and I have a zillion blogs to catch up on...give me a couple days???
Another List
* I don't think I'm pregnant this month.
* I have never been this tired.
* Running late and last minute packing don't mix well.
* The air freshener in my car made me nauseous this morning.
* I DO NOT want to work today.
* I am moved to tears every time I think about my sister getting married.
* I am so excited to go home to New Mexico!!!!!!!!!
* And finally, I am not sure if/ when I will be able to post again this week. The wedding will probably keep me extremely busy.
* I have never been this tired.
* Running late and last minute packing don't mix well.
* The air freshener in my car made me nauseous this morning.
* I DO NOT want to work today.
* I am moved to tears every time I think about my sister getting married.
* I am so excited to go home to New Mexico!!!!!!!!!
* And finally, I am not sure if/ when I will be able to post again this week. The wedding will probably keep me extremely busy.
Tuesday or Saturday?
Funny, it seems like yesterday was just a brief interruption of a long weekend. It's strange to sleep in, only to wake up and realize it's not Saturday, it's Tuesday. When the strangeness wears away, you are grateful for the nice interruption of the work week.
It's Pioneer Day and, here in Utah, it is a state holiday. We spend the day in remembrance of our Pioneer heritage and try to remember that, if not for them, we might not be living here. One of the traditions is camping out in the ghetto for first glimpses of the early morning runners with a parade to follow. Last night, we went to our family camp space (no we did not camp) to spend some time with them. Normally, we find a nice quiet spot where we can play Catchphra$e and eat junk food. This year, however, we managed to find two groups of the most inconsiderate people imaginable to flank both sides.
The evening began quite peacefully with kids running around us playing, good conversation and laughter, and some games. As the night progressed, the spot next to us was suddenly enveloped in bug spray. Enough that we were left coughing and, most certainly, protected against any pest that came our way. Soon after, we were confronted with another foul odor. Yes, people were cooking. AT. MIDNIGHT. Some infernal rodent that filled our nostrils and sickened our stomachs. Trying not to let the smoke and the smell bother us, we looked to our other side where a startlingly large group of drunken youngsters were pumping their music and carrying on. Many of them parading back and forth along our strip of sidewalk cussing and yelling IN. FRONT. OF. OUR. YOUNG. CHILDREN. When one of them had the gall to tell my niece she should be asleep (she was having a little trouble, you know, with all the yelling) we about lost it.
At 12:30, we noticed sparks flying. The rodent chefs were doing FIREWORKS. At first it wasn't bad, they were quiet ones and the sparks didn't travel far. Not long after, though, the sparks were traveling farther and LANDING ON OUR SLEEPING KIDS! Three angry moms went searching for the cops. Two angry dads confronted the rodent chefs about the sparks. Their reply was, "Oh, we didn't notice." Oh, so you're blind? How convenient. Then came the oh-so-familiar screaming and popping noises. Frustration rising, we hoped that three angry moms would come back soon with found cops. Three angry moms came back, no cops. Apparently cops' response was, "Happy Holidays." RIGHT. Ok, so what about the fact that they are setting them off in the turning lane? S.W.A.T. mob rode up on bicycles and asked the rodent chefs to keep the fireworks out of the lane. Apparently, the rodent chefs are deaf too because they did their finale further into the turning lane as we were spitting smoke.
Finally, the show was over and rodent chefs turned peaceful. But, of course, drunken youngsters need music. One of them stumbled over to their car and started blasting their music and dancing not ten feet away. Apparently, drunken teenagers had mom's present who yelled at them to turn it off. By this time, Love had enough and we had to leave. (He sometimes has to remove himself from a situation to control his temper.) As we drove away, drunken teenagers had their music on again. We wished our family luck, went home, and crawled into bed. What a night.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a great Pioneer Day!
It's Pioneer Day and, here in Utah, it is a state holiday. We spend the day in remembrance of our Pioneer heritage and try to remember that, if not for them, we might not be living here. One of the traditions is camping out in the ghetto for first glimpses of the early morning runners with a parade to follow. Last night, we went to our family camp space (no we did not camp) to spend some time with them. Normally, we find a nice quiet spot where we can play Catchphra$e and eat junk food. This year, however, we managed to find two groups of the most inconsiderate people imaginable to flank both sides.
The evening began quite peacefully with kids running around us playing, good conversation and laughter, and some games. As the night progressed, the spot next to us was suddenly enveloped in bug spray. Enough that we were left coughing and, most certainly, protected against any pest that came our way. Soon after, we were confronted with another foul odor. Yes, people were cooking. AT. MIDNIGHT. Some infernal rodent that filled our nostrils and sickened our stomachs. Trying not to let the smoke and the smell bother us, we looked to our other side where a startlingly large group of drunken youngsters were pumping their music and carrying on. Many of them parading back and forth along our strip of sidewalk cussing and yelling IN. FRONT. OF. OUR. YOUNG. CHILDREN. When one of them had the gall to tell my niece she should be asleep (she was having a little trouble, you know, with all the yelling) we about lost it.
At 12:30, we noticed sparks flying. The rodent chefs were doing FIREWORKS. At first it wasn't bad, they were quiet ones and the sparks didn't travel far. Not long after, though, the sparks were traveling farther and LANDING ON OUR SLEEPING KIDS! Three angry moms went searching for the cops. Two angry dads confronted the rodent chefs about the sparks. Their reply was, "Oh, we didn't notice." Oh, so you're blind? How convenient. Then came the oh-so-familiar screaming and popping noises. Frustration rising, we hoped that three angry moms would come back soon with found cops. Three angry moms came back, no cops. Apparently cops' response was, "Happy Holidays." RIGHT. Ok, so what about the fact that they are setting them off in the turning lane? S.W.A.T. mob rode up on bicycles and asked the rodent chefs to keep the fireworks out of the lane. Apparently, the rodent chefs are deaf too because they did their finale further into the turning lane as we were spitting smoke.
Finally, the show was over and rodent chefs turned peaceful. But, of course, drunken youngsters need music. One of them stumbled over to their car and started blasting their music and dancing not ten feet away. Apparently, drunken teenagers had mom's present who yelled at them to turn it off. By this time, Love had enough and we had to leave. (He sometimes has to remove himself from a situation to control his temper.) As we drove away, drunken teenagers had their music on again. We wished our family luck, went home, and crawled into bed. What a night.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a great Pioneer Day!
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