I know I haven't been on here in a while. Truthfully I wasn't sure what to write. I'm still not sure. I really should write Zoe's 9 month post...but wonder if that undertaking isn't more than it's worth sometimes. Maybe I need to find a new way to go about it that doesn't create novel posts. Anyhow, you're not getting that one today. I've been thinking a lot lately about life. A couple weeks ago my Grandpa C- my Daddy's Father- passed away. While it wasn't completely unexpected, it felt sudden. Rushed. When my Mom's Daddy- Grandpa L passed away a couple of months ago, I got to say my goodbye to him over the phone...and I was sort of hoping he would leave this life...just so he could be at peace. His health had been slowly deteriorating for so long that, even though we would miss him, we knew it was time for him to go. After the beginning of the year my Grandpa C started going downhill. He has been suffering from Dementia for a few years now. It was hard on all of us- his family- to watch his mind deteriorate. I knew the day would soon come that he would leave us...I just thought I'd have more time. I guess that is the way of many of us in this world. We always think we'll have more time. We keep placing agendas on tomorrow's to do list until we eventually run out of tomorrows. Anyway, the day my Grandpa passed away- March 22nd, I was sad, but he hadn't eaten in days and was completely bed ridden and so I was a bit relieved. On the day of the viewing, I fell apart. It didn't really hit me until I was there that he was gone. I will miss him greatly. I'm comforted by the knowledge that he is in a better place. I'm sure he's up there teasing and joking with our relatives gone before him- the way he did with us growing up. Still, his passing has been harder on me than I thought. I think it has something to do with both of my Grandpas leaving me so close together. I worry about both Grandmas and hope they know how much they are loved and hope they can find comfort now. I suppose with both of my Grandpas I have a bit of regret lingering. I called often, but could have called more. I wish I could have been there more. The more I think about it the more I let these things go. I know that they both know how much I love them. I know I will see them both again. I guess what you could conclude from my ramblings is that I'm missing a couple of wonderful men from my life...and it's caused me to think more about what I'm doing with that life. I'm still not sure other than my role as a wife/ mother/ daughter/ friend. Other than that, I'm still thinking.