Less Than Hopeful

I am feeling a little apprehensive. I do not know yet if I'm pregnant. I won't know until sometime between June 1st and June 4th. Why the 3 day range? I miscalculated CD1 as suspected. I thought had it all figured out until I took an ovulation test and discovered my LH surge was happening 3 days earlier than expected. Do you know what else this means? It means I did the HSG test on CD11 instead of during the CD7-CD10 window. I don't know if that's really bad or not, but it doesn't make me happy. All of this, along with the fact that my boobs hurt again (which means exactly nothing), leaves me feeling a bit like I've spun out of control. Being the control freak I am...well I'm sure you can imagine. These factors also leave me feeling like this isn't THE month...again. Well, I guess I kind of always feel like that...probably so I don't have to feel any emotion when it isn't.

Which brings me to my next cause of stress. If I am not pregnant this month, I have to decide between doing the test or the procedure- for which I am unsure if I have the money- or decide to try naturally for one to a few more months. Honestly, I have no idea what to do. I'm lost and my emotions are only leading me a thousand different directions. I didn't think it would be this hard to decide...but how do you make that leap from natural to assisted? I thought what I wanted was a solution...but the more I think about it, the more doubts and fears I have about jumping. I just wish, for once, that SOMETHING would be easy. I guess all I can do now is wait, and hope that either this is THE month, or that I will find peace with at least one option. I need your advice friends!

A Few Good Things

As I mentioned yesterday, the HSG test results came out normal. Now that the cramps have subsided, I can let myself be happy about the normal result. (Yay!) Where to next? I don't know, but I have the nurse working on it for me. Still feeling a little violated, there just something not right about having fluid forced (very painfully) through your fallopian tubes. The hard part is over and now I can hope that I'm part of that 15% of couples who get pregnant one to two months after this procedure.

Matt was wonderful to me the whole day. I felt just terrible and was curled up in bed/ on the couch most of the day. He went grocery shopping, brought me lunch, cleaned then entire house, did laundry and took great care of me through all of it. I just love him!
In non-baby news, Matt had a 3rd interview for a new job (and a great pay raise) this morning and he was offered the job!!!! I am ecstatic! Today is a wonderful day!
***Doctor just called and said that at this point, the only thing not normal was the viscosity (stickyness) of Love's little swimmers. Here are our options:
1) Get sample and do a sperm wash and and place the sperm into the uterus- called IUI- (we can do this up to 3 times)
2) Hamster egg penetration test- called a Sperm Penetration Assay or SPA- (yes I did a double take too). Basically they take a sperm sample and place it with hamster eggs to test how well (or if at all) the sperm penetrate the eggs. If they can't penetrate I guess they have a way of enhancing the sperm to help them out.
We can choose which test to do first. If any of you have had either of these procedures done, can you tell me about it? Either comment or send me an e-mail. (findingequipoise@gmail.com) I am concerned about cost, about pain, success rate, procedure, etc. Thank you!

OUCH!

I hate cramping! Expecially my cramping. I always feel nauseous and helpless and I can't find a good temperature. Cool air gives me chills, hot air makes me nauseous. That pretty much covers how I felt on the way home from my appointment this morning. (I couldn't help thinking, if this car ride feels this long now, what will it be like during labor?) SO glad I took the whole day off.
The test itself went exactly as I thought, though the radiologist didn't seem too concerned that my "whole world" was open for viewing to him and the nurse the whole time. I guess they don't feel the need to cover me up whenever possible... The good news is that everything looks perfectly normal. That news makes Monday not seem so bad. What makes Monday bad is all this cramping...I feel so strange. Oh well, things are normal and tomorrow is another day.