Quieting the Chaos

Often, after I settle my girls in bed, my evenings are spent working or laying on the couch watching television or cleaning the kitchen.  Tonight as I sat down to turn on the TV I hesitated as I noticed the calm peace that had settled over my home.  Not wanting to disturb that peace, I turned here instead.

Lately my family has had a difficult time getting along.  When I say my family, I mean every single one of us.  I have been tired and grumpy and stressed.  Matt has felt similar feelings and also has work issues he carries home with him.  The girls and I are desperately trying to get back into our normal routine after a difficult month in March.  They are fighting a lot more, arguing with us, being disobedient, lazy, pushing our buttons harder.  I told a friend today that I sometimes feel like my kids have been replaced with rude aliens.  When my kids are acting up and I am not at my best and most energetic, well, let's just say that my attitude probably doesn't help much.

Tonight we were having another rough evening.  Everyone's tone of voice was on edge.  There was so much contention going on!  Matt and I were both exhausted and trying to get dinner made.  My home felt chaotic and unsettled and I felt like we were all going to either explode or kill each other if I didn't do something to change our environment and our attitudes.  So I took the advice my Mother gave me as a small child when we talked about what I could do when I was angry or scared or unsettled: I turned to the Hymns. 

Thank goodness for technology!  I opened up the Pandora app on my phone and plugged it into the speaker and bathed my home and my family in Hymns.  Within moments I felt more peaceful.  Within minutes, my kids were getting along and laughing as Zoe worked on her math program for school as Paige watched.  Matt calmed down and got a bit of rest on the couch as I finished up the dishes. 

I have a strong belief and testimony of the power of good music in our lives.  I have always felt the Spirit of my Heavenly Father strongest through music.  It is through using my talents that I am able to most fully express myself and my testimony.  Maybe it isn't that way for everyone.  I know that music speaks to me in a different way than it does to others.  It is almost as if music is my most innate language.  Music skips words and thought and just goes directly to my heart. 

The music flowing through my home this evening changed our environment, softened our hearts and allowed the Spirit to calmly reside here.  That one decision changed the entire course of our evening.  No, my kids weren't perfect, but they were better and I was far more patient and understanding.  We ended the evening with scriptures and prayers, a song for each of them and a few giggles and I feel so much better about how the end of the day played out.  I was able to stop and really appreciate them for who they are.  I was able to really enjoy them.

I know I have been so blessed every time I look at my family.  We are so fortunate to have a roof over our heads, to have our basic needs not just met but exceeded, to have insurance and good jobs, but most of all to have each other.  When life gets hectic and busy it is so easy for me to get frustrated with the attitudes of my kids.  Or when they get really needy when I am doing something.  When I am tired it is easy to say I don't want to play house right now.  But the thing is, it really is just as easy to do the opposite- if I can bring peace to myself and my home.

I need to always remember to stop and take the time to invite peace into my home and into my heart so that I can always give my children my best self instead of my crazy, frustrated self.  Tonight those Hymns helped me to do that.  Tomorrow that may look like 10 minutes of decompression and meditation in my room.  Or yoga before bed to quiet my mind and my soul.  It could be five deep breaths in the pantry.  I have plenty of tools before me.  I have learned these lessons.  I just need to remember to put them into practice every day.

Now I'm off to get some work done as I enjoy this quiet I have created in my space.  I hope you all have a peaceful evening!

I know that Hymns may not work for everyone.  Especially those who believe differently than me.  What do you do to bring peace to your home or to yourself?  What quiets the chaos in your life or in your heart? Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Mercy

As I helped Zoe into bed tonight, I was studying two blankets that were carefully draped over her headboard.  She looked at me, removed the blankets and said, "Mom, look." I looked and discovered that, during quiet time, she decided to color her entire headboard with purple crayon.  Astonished, I cried, "Zoe!"  Her lip immediately pouted and tears welled up in her eyes as she quietly said, "I just wanted it to be purple and not white."  The tears became sobs and she fell into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her.   Surprisingly, I was not mad- not one bit.  Instead I remembered a book we have read often about a little girl who colored her new ice skates pink because white was so boring.  I smiled and pulled her little face into my hands and said, "Honey, it is OK to make mistakes.  I love you no matter what you do.  Thank you for telling me what you did.  What are we supposed to color on?"  She replied, "Paper."  We said a few more words and agreed to keep the crayons downstairs from now on.  Still she continued to apologize as I took the magic eraser (seriously, thank you whoever invented that!!) to her headboard.  I thanked her for apologizing and told her I knew she was sorry, that what she did was not OK, but that I wasn't mad.   

As I tucked her into bed, she kept hugging me.  I'm not sure if she was surprised that I wasn't mad and hugging me happily or hugging me for reassurance, but I gave her extra hugs and kisses before bed.  She told me she was happy to have a clean blankie and I told her I was so happy to have her.  After a song, a few more snuggles and "I love yous," I left her room and she fell asleep quickly.

In those few moments I became leaps and bounds closer to my daughter.  I can only imagine her fear as she pulled those blankets off to show me what she had done.  I remember having the same fear as a child when I decided to try to cut my own bangs.  I know I have failed to be my best self many times as a parent.  I yell more than I want to and sometimes say things I regret later.  I always apologize, but I live with a lot of guilt as I try to overcome my quick-tempered, natural tendencies. 

Tonight, I showed my child mercy, and I gained her trust.  I only hope I can keep it as she reveals far worse mistakes as she gets older.  I was proud of myself and how I handled it, and thankful that I was able to keep my cool.

A few minutes later, I thought of my Heavenly Father.  In order to understand Him better, I often compare parenting children to Him watching over all of us.  I think it is the closest I will ever come to truly understanding His love for me.  I mean, with all my imperfections, he blessed me with two of his most precious and beautiful souls to care for, to teach, and to love.  Just that alone shows me how much love He has for me, and how much trust He has put in me. 

Every day I fail Him.  Every day I make mistakes.  Each and every time I do, He wraps me in His warm embrace and tells me, "It's OK to make mistakes.  I love you no matter what you do."  He gives me trials to help me learn, helps me to see my mistakes and correct them, and provides more blessings to me than I could ever deserve. 

I hope to be more like Him in my parenting.  I know I won't be perfect, but I know it is how I want to raise my kids.  Tonight showed me that it is possible, and that I am learning to be better than I am.  I am grateful for that gift, especially after a long and trying day.  I am so thankful to know that I can be better, that I can do anything as long as I do my best and let my Father in Heaven make up for what I lack.  My greatest hope is that my children will always feel my undying, unconditional love for them, no matter what.