In the early morning hours, when all I hear is silence except for the keyboard clicking away under my fingers as I work, I think. I think of all I have to do as the day progresses. Feed my kids, play with them, clean something or other, tick off my to do list. I worry about the little and big things going on...money...friends and family having troubles...why I always feel overwhelmed. I think of the things I'm working on in my marriage, spiritually, as a Mother. And wonder if I'm putting forth enough effort towards those changes. I think of all I want to accomplish in my life. Go back to school, put out more videos of me singing, write more poetry, get back to my music, get in shape.
My life is a whirlwind, and my thoughts are much the same. Always spinning around, never stopping for a break. I find it difficult to have moments of silence, moments of peace because there is always something more to think of, something more to do. Sometimes I feel I am putting too much on myself as a young, working Mother. After all, I have two young children, a job, a house to take care of, a husband to love, as well as many other responsibilities. With this thought comes the fear that I'm just making excuses. It's crazy-making.
Lately, I have been putting most of my energy into my goal of getting into better shape. I regularly exercise and watch what I eat. I am proud of my accomplishments and continued motivation in this endeavor. I truly am. Many years have I been ashamed of my body and what I let it come to, which was then aided by two pregnancies. Many years have I talked the talk of fixing this problem and never done anything about it. So I am very proud of myself in this area.
Then why is it that I still feel a sense of laziness, or maybe just a sense of guilt that, because I am focusing on this one thing as my priority, everything else has to wait for now? Or at least be accomplished more slowly?
I wish I could get rid of that feeling. I wonder if it is there hoping I will fail at this one thing so I won't try to prioritize new things when I'm done. So that I will remain at a standstill? I have tried doing everything I want to accomplish all at once. It doesn't work. At all. I have learned that if I spread myself too thin, what I accomplish will be done poorly, procrastinated, or not at all.
So, I will continue to take one step, one day at a time, focusing on this goal. I will continue to do what I can on the rest of my to do list. I will do that because it feels right to me.
I just wish sometimes I could ignore the negative voices in my head.
How do you tackle goals? Do you have worries similar to mine? Please leave me a comment. I LOVE COMMENTS! Ahem...the end.