Negative Voices

In the early morning hours, when all I hear is silence except for the keyboard clicking away under my fingers as I work, I think.  I think of all I have to do as the day progresses.  Feed my kids, play with them, clean something or other, tick off my to do list.  I worry about the little and big things going and family having troubles...why I always feel overwhelmed.  I think of the things I'm working on in my marriage, spiritually, as a Mother.  And wonder if I'm putting forth enough effort towards those changes.  I think of all I want to accomplish in my life.  Go back to school, put out more videos of me singing, write more poetry, get back to my music, get in shape. 

My life is a whirlwind, and my thoughts are much the same.  Always spinning around, never stopping for a break.  I find it difficult to have moments of silence, moments of peace because there is always something more to think of, something more to do.  Sometimes I feel I am putting too much on myself as a young, working Mother.  After all, I have two young children, a job, a house to take care of, a husband to love, as well as many other responsibilities.  With this thought comes the fear that I'm just making excuses.  It's crazy-making.

Lately, I have been putting most of my energy into my goal of getting into better shape.  I regularly exercise and watch what I eat.  I am proud of my accomplishments and continued motivation in this endeavor.  I truly am.  Many years have I been ashamed of my body and what I let it come to, which was then aided by two pregnancies.  Many years have I talked the talk of fixing this problem and never done anything about it.  So I am very proud of myself in this area. 

Then why is it that I still feel a sense of laziness, or maybe just a sense of guilt that, because I am focusing on this one thing as my priority, everything else has to wait for now?  Or at least be accomplished more slowly? 

I wish I could get rid of that feeling.  I wonder if it is there hoping I will fail at this one thing so I won't try to prioritize new things when I'm done.  So that I will remain at a standstill?  I have tried doing everything I want to accomplish all at once.  It doesn't work.  At all.  I have learned that if I spread myself too thin, what I accomplish will be done poorly, procrastinated, or not at all.

So, I will continue to take one step, one day at a time, focusing on this goal.  I will continue to do what I can on the rest of my to do list.  I will do that because it feels right to me.

I just wish sometimes I could ignore the negative voices in my head.

How do you tackle goals?  Do you have worries similar to mine?  Please leave me a comment.  I LOVE COMMENTS!  Ahem...the end.


  1. I honestly think we all struggle with this! Regardless of what our "to-do" list has on it for the day, the week, month or year! We all ask ourselves constantly "Am I spending enough time with my kids, with my spouse, my extended family?" Did I get enough done....Am I enough?
    What we as women forget is....if we don't take care of ourselves then how can we possibly take care of our family?
    I think it is fantastic that you have made the commitment to get more healthy, as these are things I believe our children will benefit from not only daily(as you probably are feeling better and have more energy) but as a lifetime choice. What better way to be a positive roll model for our kids!!
    I also think that we as Mothers, wives and women in general often times put to much pressure on ourselves to do everything and be everything to and for those we love most ....but in our own lives haven't we learned the most when we had little or no assistance and had to make our choices ...right or wrong....without much input!
    I personally try not to sweat the small stuff....being a little older with such little kids, I try to enjoy them as much as possible! So what if the dishes aren't done...I played peek a boo with my daughter! Lol the dishes will be there tomorrow! Hahaha I am slowly learning to let go a little of my "to-do's", instead I make "I did" lists. I bet you will see we really accomplish a TON more daily than we realize when we adjust our thinking!
    I am so blessed with all that I have! No, there isn't always as much money as I'd like left every paycheck ...but I have a roof over my kids head, lights in the house, hot water, etc.... I have an awesome family! No, I didn't get the laundry all done, but we had a blast playing with the laundry baskets! Lol (yes we really do play with those!!!! Lol)
    Try to relax tell those negative thoughts to do the best you can daily and the Lord will take care of the rest!
    I don't usually respond to your blog posts but I do read them and love them! I consider your family part of my extended family! We love you all tons! Xoxo I hope this helped you.

    1. I just saw this comment...way too many years later! Thank you for leaving it! It's great advice! And I also consider you guys part of my extended family! Love you all! Hope you are well!


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