Up in the night...

Do you ever feel judged?  I know there have been several times in my life where I felt very judged.  Why is it that people have to have an opinion on how I live my life, what I choose to do with it, and who I spend it with?  Now I'm not saying I'm perfect and have never judged anyone.  I do have my opinions, but I try not to share those opinions with the person if I think it will make them feel judged.  Though I'm sure it has happened.  (And I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel judged.)

Last night I had a hard time sleeping for several reasons, but one of them was that something happened that make me feel judged for choosing to get remarried.  It's true that getting remarried has changed a lot of what I thought might occur this year.  Maybe I haven't done as much as I wanted to this year.  Maybe if I had stayed single I could have done more.  I did have a lot more time to myself then.  To me, time to myself is overrated when compared to having my family whole.

My question is, how would that have been better than reuniting my family?  Do you have any idea what this has done for GOOD for us?  Maybe you have an idea, but only we know the benefits we have seen from this decision.  Just because an opinion seems right for one person, doesn't mean it's right for me.

Is our life perfect?  Absolutely not!  Do we have struggles?  Absolutely.  Are we perfect for each other?  Is anyone?  What we know is that we love each other and it's worth it to us to work on any issues in order to be together and keep our family together.  It's worth the hard questions we get from Zoe each night like, "Mom, Dad, are you not going anywhere?"  It's worth reassuring her and ourselves that we intend to keep working forever to make sure she (and we) never has that fear again.

The only people who could/can make this decision are Matt and me.  We know what is best for us.  Am I still working to improve myself along with improving my marriage?  Of course!  But I have a lot of other things on my plate.  Life is all about balance.  In my life, I cannot choose to ONLY focus on myself.  I have children, a husband, work, responsibilities, AND myself to take care of.  All those things take a lot of time.  And I would appreciate some respect for everything I am responsible for.

We all have our own story.  We all have things and issues we are dealing with.  How about we waste less time judging and feeling judged and spend more time finding out how to help each other?

Sorry for the rant, people.  I just had to get that out.  Thanks!

No comments:

Post a Comment

What a kind person you are to leave me a note!