Who are you?

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Well hello!  I am lucky to know a lot of the people who follow this little blog of mine.  But I KNOW there are several of you out there who I don't know so well, and some not at all. 

So, in honor of National De-Lurker Day, and in participation with many of my fellow bloggers, I ask you to take a couple seconds to introduce yourself!

Tell me something about you, about your kid, your dog, your job.  Tell me how long you've been following.  Tell me why you're here.  Tell me I need to blog more.  Ask me a question.  Simply state a name and say hello.  Just take a couple seconds to leave a comment to let me know you exist.

And those of you I do know, don't go thinking I don't want to hear from you too.  Not everyone around here knows you.  So please leave any sort of comment you would like as well.

You will totally make my day week!  I would love to know more about all you people who, for some reason, stick around to read my random little blog.  It's like a virtual name tag except you don't have to go around actually wearing one and then forget and walk into the grocery store with, "Hello my name is..." attached to your chest.  See how nice I am?

If you're new, or have just stumbled upon us, please find a way to follow.  Telling your friends would be pretty cool too, just sayin'. 

I'm excited!  I can't wait to get to know you better!  Thanks!!!  Also, if you have other blogs you follow, take a second to go say hi to them too!  They'll love it, I promise.

P.S. Yes, I am aware that I possibly use to many exclamation points!!!!

Five Minute Friday: Awake

It's Friday!  Five minutes of unedited free writing.  Click over to The Gypsy Mama and join in!

Today's Prompt: Awake

Go.

Funny how you aren't aware of what you have until it's gone.  Or how much you'll miss it when it isn't there.  Try as I might, I never love or appreciate Matt more than when he's gone.  Because I realize how much he means to me when he's here.  It's not that I don't realize these things on a daily basis.  It's just that when I watched him walk out the door this morning knowing I wouldn't see him until Sunday, I was really awake to how much I would miss him while he was gone. 

That may seem silly to some, it's only three days.  But to me, that is two nights sleeping alone in our bed, something I haven't done since the divorce.  I know there are many who have to make that sacrifice often, and I don't discount that.  Nor do I try to compare this to that. 

In my little world, though, those are two nights without his body to keep me warm, his breathing to make me feel safe, his arms to wrap me up tightly.  It's two less hands to help with dishes, bedtime, baths or "welcome home" hugs.  One less voice to inspire cooperation from my kids.  One less ear to listen to my frustrations. 

When you go through a period of time convincing yourself that you don't need someone when you really do, then you get the chance to try again, you have to reteach yourself to need them again.  This morning I was awakened to how very much I need him in my life.  It was a happy discovery.

Stop.

Confession: Today I went over a bit...wanted to finish my thought!  Happy Friday, people!

Please help spread the word about Finding Equipoise. Find a way to follow if you have not yet, share posts, and tell your friends! Thanks!

29 Goals

Last year, a friend of mine challenged me to follow in her footsteps and make 28 goals to accomplish in my 28th year.   It resulted in a lot of personal changes and growth so I have decided to continue on with 29 Goals this year!  I will share these goals with you now and as I accomplish them I will share it here. Since my birthday is 10 days before the end of the year these goals are going to be my New Year's Goals in no particular order:

1. Go back to school
2. Read the entire Bible and Book of Mormon in 365 days
3. Keep Exercising Regularly
4. Be a more patient and engaged Mom
5. Get more organized at home
6. Potty train Paige
7. Read 20 books
8. Take more pictures than last year
9. Figure out a blogging schedule and stick to it
10. Get my piano tuned
11. Play piano 2-3 times per week
12. Play flute 2-3 times per week
13. Implement a house cleaning schedule that's more efficient
14. Do three public music performances
15. Take walks regularly
16. Learn the guitar
17. Be happy with myself
18. Read Scriptures daily with Matt
19. Pray morning and night (at least)
20. Learn to be on time
21. Go to the temple once a month
22. Drink 100 ounces of water daily
23. Start writing poetry again
24. Be better about speaking my mind in the moment rather than keeping quiet to keep the peace
25. Look for opportunities to provide service and take them!
26. Go rock climbing
27. Eat healthy and splurge occasionally without guilt
28. Quit my nervous habit
29. Reduce time spent on Facebook, phone games and the Internet in general


I'm excited to tackle these new (and old) goals this year! I hope I have an even better result this year! Please, if you would like to join me in doing one goal per year you are old, link up in the comments on the goals page! You don't have to make that many goals to join in though! If you have any New Years Goals, feel free to join in. Keep me updated on how you're doing throughout the year!

Please help spread the word about Finding Equipoise. Find a way to follow if you have not yet, share posts, and tell your friends! Thanks!

Five Minute Friday: Roar

Officially 5000 pageviews since I started this new blog.  Amazing.  Thank you so much for being here. 

It's time for Five Minute Friday.  Five minutes of free, unedited writing.  Click over to The Gypsy Mama to join us!

Today's Prompt: Roar

Go.

                                                                                      "What does the lion say?" I ask as my two little beauties roar loudly into the quiet of our home.  Makes me grin every time.  Though, often it reminds me of how often life roars through my quiet.  I am a peacemaker.  Always trying to stop the bickering of my angels, fights between friends, family, quarrels with my husband.  Contention is physically unsettling to me. 

Often I wish everyone had to go through a communication class.  Learn how to deal with and overcome conflict.  Too often people get so caught up in what they think might have happened, what they assume the other party is thinking, and so on, that they end up making a simple disagreement ten times worse. 

It hurts my heart that so much precious time is wasted by being angry and stubborn.  I am not saying I have never been there myself, but I usually try to let things go quickly and am pretty forgiving, simply because I can't stand to be in conflict with others.  I don't want to waste MY precious time on this earth being angry.  I would rather figure it out now, resolve it, talk through it, cry, get angry, roar and be done.  So I can move on.  Isn't that better??

Stop.

Wow, this post went in a whole different direction than I had originally intended.  Guess that's what freewriting is about.  Does conflict unsettle you?  How do you deal with it?

Please help spread the word about Finding Equipoise.  Find a way to follow if you have not yet, share posts, and tell your friends!  Thanks!

Five Minute Friday: Open

It's Friday.  That means it's time to write without worrying if it's just right or not.  Five minutes flat, that's all it takes.  Won't you click over to The Gypsy Mama and join in?

Today's Prompt: Open

Go.

Open your eyes, precious baby.  Your arrival has been long awaited.  Not just through your time spent in Mommy's womb, but in the years that were spent trying to bring you to this earth. 

Open your tiny eyes and see the faces of your Mom and Dad who are doubtless never more grateful than they are now to see your face.  Feel the love of your Mother who was born to raise children- with her childlike heart and well of patience.  Feel the love and pride of your Father who is going to be the most amazing Dad.  Know that you are safe in their presence and more loved than you could possibly imagine.

Open your eyes and see they faces of your two cousins.  Special friends who will be yours for a lifetime.  They can't wait to play with you.  And see me, your Aunt, already a Mommy. I know the love of a Mother.  I know the love of an Aunt.   Feel the love I already have for you and joy that your arrival is near.  Your parents is so very special to me, and so are you!

Know the love of everyone in your family.  You have been born into a world of people who know your precious worth.  We open our hearts to you and welcome you to this life.  Can't wait to see what you make of it.

Stop.

My sister is in labor right now.  I am beyond excited to meet her little angel, and so thankful she is coming before I have to go home.

28 Goals Recap

My 29th birthday was last Wednesday and it's time to evaluate what I accomplished this year.  I am not too upset about what I didn't accomplish because, frankly, without making these goals I wouldn't be where I am today.  I feel great about what I've done.  Here is an update:

1. Go back to school- still working on this.  Going to add to next years goals.

2. Decide where to live- we're going to stay in Utah for now.
3. Exercise Regularly- other than the last couple weeks being sick I can definitely say exercise is a regular part of my routine
4. Learn to overcome some of my OCD tendencies This is and will likely always be a work in progress, but I have made positive strides in letting go of perfection and control.
5. Visit home more often I have actually been home a lot this year.  It's been great to spend so much time with them.
6. Potty train Zoe!!! Done and done.  I think we're going to try to get Paige potty trained before the end of next year.
7. Read 100 books- Changing this one for next year.  100 books is far to many for my busy life.  I think I read a grand total of 8 this year.
8. Take more pictures than last year (especially of Paige)- not sure how to figure this one.  I took pictures, but not as many as I would like. Still, I am pretty sure I took more than last year though.  I think next year I will make a goal to take at least 2 photos a week.
9. Replace porch light bulb- I did it, but now need to do it again because the black light bulb has been in there since Christmas.  :)
10. Get my piano tuned- definitely adding this to next year
11. Play piano 2-3 times per week- recently I have been, but not enough to consider this done.
12. Play flute 2-3 times per week- same as above
13. Sing full voiced as often as possible- I ALWAYS sing full voiced, and often.
14. Do one public music performance- I actually did three, and plan to do a lot more utilizing opportunities through Church next year.
15. Take walks regularly- adding to next year
16. Learn the guitar- adding to next year
17. Be happy with myself- I'm getting there.  Adding to next year.
18. Read scriptures daily-  I was doing well for a while, but dropped off, need to recommit.
19. Pray morning and night (at least)- same as above
20. Learn to be on time- excruciating that I haven't accomplished this one yet.  Much harder than I thought it would be.  Adding to next year.
21. Go to the temple once a month- Next year.
22. Drink 64 ounces of water daily on a regular basis- I regularly drink about 100 ounces.  Yay!
23. Start writing poetry again- I haven't written anything new in a while.  Adding to next year.
24. Find a place to go swing dancing and try to go often- Still working on this one.
25. Look for opportunities to provide service and take them!- I need to be more open to this next year.  Though I did accomplish some this year, especially recently.
26. Go rock climbing- next year.
27. Eat at least 1 serving of fruit and vegetables every day- Something that has definitely become part of my diet.
28. Quit my nervous habit- still at it.  Darnit.

Ten out of 28 completed is not half bad.  Especially for someone who never followed through on goals before.  I am especially proud of the strides I have made towards my health and my music this year.  I'm excited for what lies ahead for next year.  I will continue to focus on health and music but want to work more on spiritual goals and some of the others.  Stay tuned for next year's 29 goals page.  It's coming soon!

Closer

It's hard to believe we only have two days until Christmas.  My family and I have been in the throes of illness for two weeks now.  I am finally starting to feel like we might be nearing the end.  The relief of that feeling is indescribable.  You take for granted things like having a voice, being able to exercise, being able to breathe without coughing.  I can't wait until I feel like myself again.

I'm writing to you now from a hotel room in Cortez, CO.  We are on our way to my home, New Mexico, to spend Christmas with my family.  Unfortunately, the road into my hometown is closed due to a terrible snowstorm so we are stuck waiting. 

What do these two things have in common?

Being sick and being stuck in a hotel room, our home, a car together has brought us all closer.  Gratefully, I find my children endearing instead of feeling like they are driving me nuts.  Zoe spent the trip entertaining us with her new nicknames for us and her silly remarks. 

 Last night as we were all laying down to go to sleep she said, "Dad, I'm having trouble sleeping.  I think I'll count sheep."  We chuckled as she started counting aloud, only to burst out laughing when she said, a few seconds later, "Actually, I think I should play Angry Birds." 

Paige serenaded us with her singsong voice, talking until almost midnight and we were up early this morning because of her coughing.  Yet, as soon as she saw Dad up and awake she excited squealed, "HI!"  And suddenly the early hour wasn't so frustrating.

Not to mention all the time I've had to sit and talk with Matt, listen to music and just BE together while our two little ones enjoy movies in the back seat.  Blessed technology!! 

I'm grateful for the time to reflect and really enjoy my little family.  They are my greatest blessings and (especially after last year) I'm beyond excited that we are all together this year. 

Well, I'd better sign off.  The extra waiting has given me some time to get a little work done. 

Just in case I don't get the chance to get on here again, Merry Christmas to you all!  (Or Happy Holidays to those of you who celebrate differently.)  I'm so grateful to have you here!