Home Stretch

I just want to say, not having to take my temperature everyday, has relieved an amazing amount of stress. Not having to remember to take my temperature in the morning before I can even get up to pee is just, well, wonderful. The other marvelous side effect? I don't, at any given moment, know exactly what day of my cycle I'm on. Obviously, I can easily figure it out if I think about it, but that's just it: I actually have to think about it! I am still anxious and there is some stress festering, but I am also, sort of, at ease.

One of the things my doctor said was that often, when a woman is trying to get pregnant, she lets it consume her life. I have let that happen. I don't run (even though I am DYING to) because I'm afraid all that bouncing would cause me to lose a baby before I even know I'm pregnant, I have been taking prenatals for over a year, I haven't taken ibuprophen (my favorite thing for headaches and backaches- which I get often) in forever, I think about pregnancy constantly, I TALK about it constantly (sorry dear family and friends), and I have been putting my life on hold anxiously awaiting something that hasn't come yet after a whole year.

I have decided I can't do that anymore. This may be another reason I am feeling a little more at ease. I am PRAYING, hoping and pleading that it happens for us this month. However, if it doesn't, I am going to go on that run, I'm going to start living my life. I know that when the time comes that I get pregnant, one jog down the trail isn't going to kill my baby if it's meant to be in this world. I will, obviously continue with the prenatals and tylenol :) for my pain, I will continue to watch what I eat and I will continue to be anxiously awaiting motherhood...but for now, I need to start living. If this takes another year and I'm still in limbo...well, lets just say you might have to visit me at a new address...the looney bin.

For now though, through this last week of my cycle, I will continue to hope that I'll have to walk instead of run, that I'll have to take tylenol and prenatals for quite a long time, that I'll have to stop eating certain kinds of fish. I'll keep praying that I have to buy diapers, and a crib, and adorable little clothes. All this hoping may just kill me, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Please keep us in your prayers this week...not that pregnancy will happen, because it's too late for that, but that, no matter what happens, we'll make it through (and that I'll keep my promise to myself).

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