I’ve been trying to find a minute to get on here and write about friday’s appointment, I finally found time just now, so bear with me as I try to get all this out.
My emotions were a little raw the rest of the day Friday. I just…I don’t
know. I was so nervous-I’m talking fidgeting, shaking, pit-in-your-stomach
nervous- all morning to go to the appointment. I thought they would do all these
tests and tell me what was going on and I’d have somewhere to go from there- but
I got there and all he did was talk to us, tell us that Matt needed to
give a sample, gave us a couple options and said, “Everything looks normal and
I’m confident you will be pregnant within the next few months.”
I suppose I should have taken that as good news, but I felt like nothing was
really resolved and I was still recovering from how hard it was to even go to
that appointment. I just shouldn’t have had all those expectations when I really
had no idea WHAT to expect. Part of my problem is, if there’s nothing wrong with
me at this point, why can’t I just get pregnant? Why didn’t they do tests on me
too? Why didn’t they give us a drug, or something to try in the meantime? I went
to the appointment expecting answers, and left with more questions. I suppose I
should have gotten all my frustrations out while I was there…but I just felt
like I was off in another world…it was the weirdest feeling…almost like having
an out-of-body experience, like I wasn’t supposed to be there or something.
Today, I’m feeling ok about it. Matt took his sample in to the lab
this morning so we’ll wait and see if the problem lies in that department. Once
we find that out, the doctor wants to do a dye test on me- basically they flush
a colored liquid through my tubes to make sure things flow freely and everything
is clear. After that test, they will test to make sure my cervical mucus isn’t
killing off the sperm. If that is the case, they will do artificial insemination
(by the husband) to get the sperm past the cervical mucus so they will have a
better chance. So, we have a plan. I feel like everything will be ok. I am
trying not to worry about artificial insemination and it’s cost-since we haven’t
even gotten that far yet, but it’s hard for me not to worry.
My hope is that it will be something simple. I am hoping that something like
fertility drugs will fix the problem, or if there is no problem, I am hoping
that Heavenly Father is sending us a child soon, that he’s just waiting for
something specific to happen first. Right now, I’m just waiting- like I haven’t
done enough of that in a year- to find out SOMETHING. I appreciate your comments
and well wishing on my behalf, and I will continue to keep you posted.
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