Five Minute Friday: On Ordinary

Time again for Five Minute Friday.  Please click over to The Gypsy Mama and join in!

I live an ordinary life.  I wake up, work, get my girls up, eat breakfast, fit a workout in, work again, eat lunch, do some chores, some playing, work again, make dinner, and get them in bed.  That is how most of my days play out.  To an outsider, perhaps someone with a more extravagant life than mine, that might seem mundane, boring even.  The same schedule day in and day out.

What they don't know is, I wake up every morning to the sweetest man, and we have our conversations about the day ahead, strange dreams we had the night before, and I always get a deep squeeze and a kiss before he leaves.  I work until I'm interrupted by a shy smiling face coming into my room holding "bunny and blanket" asking if she can get up.  The first thing I get from her every morning is a snuggle in my office chair. 

This is followed by the widest grin of excitement when I go get Paige, who jumps into my arms and lays her little head on my shoulder.  I get, "Oh, thank you, Mommy!" for suggesting pancakes for breakfast.  I watch Zoe try to "workout" with me.  I hear her narrative all day long about things she finds exciting.  And Paige squeals with delight when she takes a few steps all by herself.  We find magic and adventure in books.  Delight in Zoe buttoning a jacket "all by herself".  Paige's proud face as she navigates going downstairs on her own. 

I hear screams of excitement when Daddy gets home, and little feet pattering toward him as he tries to kiss me first.  Zoe tells us stories over dinner, stories about our day, or some she makes up on her own.  Paige trying to copy everything we, or especially her sister, do.  I watch Matt as the stresses of his workday melt away at the sweetness of our girls as he relaxes into home. 

We calm down for the night with words from children's books, hear the prayers of a toddler, and sing "Goodnight Sweetheart" every night without fail.  After a couple attempts to stay awake, Zoe finally stays in bed.  Matt and I get some time to relax and reconnect before we snuggle up together in our too-small bed and sleep until morning when we start all over again.

And I know I went over my five minutes today, but that's ok because my life is far from ordinary.

Tell me what is not ordinary about your life...

Exercise

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my primary goal focus recently has been getting in shape, eating more healthy and focusing on feeling better in my skin.  Today I thought I would give you sort of a progress report, and touch on things I have struggled with the last few months.

Since Matt and I got remarried, one of our focuses has been to get in better shape.  Way back in March we started out really well.  We were doing P90x every night for a few weeks.  Then Easter came.  We travelled to New Mexico to visit family and all our forward momentum came to a screeching halt. 

Since then, we have started over and over again.  When is best to work out?  Mornings?  So we tried mornings.  Then we had too many mornings where we couldn't get up because we're just not used to being up before dawn.  So, since we are night owls, we thought nights will work better.  And we did fairly well, until there were nights where the girls got down late, or we ate too late, or we got busy doing things and it was too late to workout.  So we decided mornings again.  See a pattern?

Meanwhile, between the fact that all that weight I lost was fast and stress-induced and the fact that birth control and quitting nursing brought it all tumbling back, none of my clothes were fitting me very well.  And it was getting worse.

So finally I asked Matt if he would mind if I started doing it without him during the day while he was at work.  Things have been so hectic, he knew we wouldn't do it so he agreed.  And off I went.

Since then I have been working out consistently 4-6 days a week for about a month doing Insanity and other things here and there.  I have been watching my calories more closely (using myfinesspal) and I drink tons of water.  In general, I feel a whole lot better about myself.  I can see muscle tone in my obliques that I have never had.  I am starting to see actual calves on my chicken legs...something I NEVER thought was possible.  My arms are still wimpy, but seem stronger than ever.

Having always been a "soft" girl, I have enjoyed seeing these changes.  Unfortunately, not much has changed in the way my clothes fit.  I still have quite a mommy-pudge to contend with, and I have lost five pounds, but wanted to lose at least 8 by now.

I know much of the reason for my current weight is my body building muscle where there hasn't been any in many years, and in places I have never had muscle definition.  I know muscle is heavier than fat.  So that makes sense.  I have lost inches on my waist, a bit on my belly, and my hips.  My face looks a bit thinner too.  Yet, I know that I have given myself perhaps more "cheat days" than I should.  I definitely can eat less sugar and fat than I do, too.

Tomorrow Matt is going to try joining me doing early mornings again.  If we don't wake up, I will do it later in the day, but it gets hard with all the responsibilities I have between my girls, work and my house, among other things.  I would love to be more consistent with mornings so my days will flow better, and so I don't have to walk this journey alone.  We'll have to keep working on it.

This is a hard change for me.  Sometimes it feels easier to quit.  But I know I won't be happy with that decision.  I am motivated to make this a permanent lifestyle change.  I want to feel good in my skin, no matter what "weight" that ends up being.  I want my girls to see that an active lifestyle and that paying attention to what you consume is important.  I want to fit back into my clothes again!!!! 

If you have weight loss/fitness tips or advice, ideas for how to still eat chocolate on a diet, how to cook healthy AND yummy food for your family and kids, how to teach yourself to wake up before the sun, how you fit in workouts in your busy lives, or if you just want to tell me, "You can do this!", please leave me a comment, or send me an email.  I would appreciate all the encouragement I can get!

Five Minute Friday: On Friends

It's time again for Five Minute Friday.  Where we just write without worrying if it's perfect.  Please click over to The Gypsy Mama for the rules and join in!

Today's Prompt is: On friends...

Go.

Friends.  I literally don't know what I would do without them.  When I went through the divorce, my friends were my lifesavers since my family was so far away.  They who were willing to sit up with my while I poured out my heart and my tears on them until all hours of the morning.  They watched my kids so I could work, or just cry.  They brought me dinner and came to check on me everyday.  They came out of their comfort zones to make sure I was OK and let me know they were there for me.  They called me or texted me constantly.  They gave me advice and hope and a shoulder to cry on when I had none.  I can never repay them for what they did for me.

"Friends are the family you chose" is a quote I often like to use.  They are the people you can not speak to for ages and when you get together it's just like you were never apart.  They are the people you can depend on to support your decisions and call you out on your crap.  The people who can tease you about your faults and you know they aren't judging you.

Friends aren't tied to you by blood (well not always), they are tied to you by a genuine love and care for you and an interest to continue the relationship.  How beautiful is that?  Your friends, your true friends, are in your life because they love you and they want to be around you.  How many people on earth can you truly say that about?

I'm so grateful for all my friends, the ones who have been around since childhood all the way through to the ones I just met.  I know you are all in my life for a reason.  I cherish you and I am so grateful for your friendship!

Stop.

I have also met many wonderful friends over the Internet through blogging.  Their love and support has held me up in many times of trial.  If you read this blog, please take a moment to introduce yourself to me and everyone else.  I would love to get to know you better.  Or, just tell me your favorite things about your friends!

Nell

Today is my sister's birthday.  As a tribute to her, and a sort-of present since she knows I'm hopeless at them, I decided to make her the star of my post today.  Meet Danielle...or Nell as I call her.  That guy?  Her wonderful hubby, Chad.  They are a couple of my favorite people on the planet.  Nell is an extremely hardworking, hilarious, beautiful, kid at heart.  She is an amazing sister and a wonderful Aunt to my kids.  She is my best friend.  I truly don't know what my life would have been like without her. 

We grew up very close in age (only 21 months apart) and we spent almost our entire lives doing things together- whether we liked it or not.  As young children we got along fairly well.  We played barbies and dress up and spent endless hours outside on bikes, our swingset and the playhouse my grandpa built us.  It was when I started school and made my own friends that we had trouble getting along.  I remember endless fighting with her in those years.  Thinking that I just wanted to have time to myself with my friends and without her.  If only I had known how close we would eventually become. 

As we eased into being teenagers, we finally figured out that we got along really well.  A lot of our friends were mutual and we could make each other laugh.  In high school, we became the best of friends.  Spending hours upon hours with each other doing band and spending time with our friends.  We shared clothes (not always nicely), boy issues and excitements, talked through frustrations and problems, laughed and joked and hugged our way through those years.  We were nearly inseparable.

Then I went to college, got married and moved 2,000 miles away.  In those years she really paved her own path, deciding what she wanted to do in life and going for it.  Our lives were busy, and we didn't talk as much as we should have.  But every time we were together, it was as easy as it always was.  We are two of a kind...in an opposite sort of way.

When I moved closer, things got easier, we talked more, and our lives started to line up a little better once she married her high school sweetheart.  Nearly a year later, I had a baby and Nell became an Aunt for the first time.  I have never loved my sister more than I did the first time she held Zoe and then Paige.  To see the love she had for my children clearly displayed in her eyes was the most beautiful thing.  Zoe and Paige absolutely love their Aunt Nell.  They are super close. 

Nell was always better with kids and had a general love for them that I never had.  She is the kid at heart that I will never be.  I learn a lot from her about mothering as I watch her love and play with my girls when we are around.  She never hesitates to jump in and help me with them when she can.  I can't wait to watch her mother her own child- who will grace us in just a few short months.

On her birthday, I want her to know that while she suffered from "second child syndrome", it was actually me who looked up to her for the athleticism I never had, for her outgoing and addictive personality, for never being afraid to be herself.  I'm grateful to her for everything she has done for me in the past few years.  She has bailed me out numerous times and in more ways than one.  I am grateful for her constant support and trust in the decisions I make for my life.  I am grateful for the love that she has for my husband and my girls.  Most importantly, I am thankful for the love she has for me, for being by my side all these years, for being my best friend and the most amazing sister a girl could ask for.  Happy Birthday, Nell.  I love you!

Aren't siblings awesome?  I love mine!  I have four more amazing siblings, as well as their spouses and Matt's siblings and spouses.  Don't know what I would do without them!  Tell me about yours!

Five Minute Friday: Growing

It's time again to write for five minutes flat, without worrying if it's perfect or not.  No editing.  Just the written word in it's purest form.  Won't you join in?  Just click over to The Gypsy Mama for the full rules and to link up.

Today's prompt: Growing

Go.

At 28 years old I finally feel like I'm growing.  Not the kind of growing that requires gaining weight and height and childhood milestones.  Instead, I am hitting milestones I've created.  Making goals and working to achieve them.  Growing out of that teenage/young adult selfishness and learning to look inside myself and see what I can improve.  Instead of looking at others and seeing what they can improve.

I'm learning that life is not about perfection.  That "perfect" is actually a disease when you really think about it.  That being less perfect, or rather putting on a less perfect show, actually makes people more comfortable with me than they ever were when they worried about spills on my carpet.  After two kids worth of spills, what's one more?  Who would have thought I would ever say that?

I'm learning that I can't do everything.  I will perhaps never have a perfectly clean house, or always get all the dishes and laundry done.  Learning that nothing I hope for will happen unless I put my mind to it.  Growing up in the most wonderful adult ways.  Suffering sometimes because growing up is hard.

Growing into someone who deserves to have a great husband and two beautiful girls.  Someone who shows her girls that it's important to care for yourself while you care for everyone else.  Someone who makes mistakes and tries to fix them.  Someone who is willing to work at relationships, work for a fit body, work to achieve her dreams. 

It is never too late to do some growing.  Everyone has potential for growth.  I believe that is why we are here.  Not just to grow up or grow old.  But simply to grow.

Stop.

What does "growing" mean to you?  What are you doing to grow?  Please leave a comment.

Negative Voices

In the early morning hours, when all I hear is silence except for the keyboard clicking away under my fingers as I work, I think.  I think of all I have to do as the day progresses.  Feed my kids, play with them, clean something or other, tick off my to do list.  I worry about the little and big things going on...money...friends and family having troubles...why I always feel overwhelmed.  I think of the things I'm working on in my marriage, spiritually, as a Mother.  And wonder if I'm putting forth enough effort towards those changes.  I think of all I want to accomplish in my life.  Go back to school, put out more videos of me singing, write more poetry, get back to my music, get in shape. 

My life is a whirlwind, and my thoughts are much the same.  Always spinning around, never stopping for a break.  I find it difficult to have moments of silence, moments of peace because there is always something more to think of, something more to do.  Sometimes I feel I am putting too much on myself as a young, working Mother.  After all, I have two young children, a job, a house to take care of, a husband to love, as well as many other responsibilities.  With this thought comes the fear that I'm just making excuses.  It's crazy-making.

Lately, I have been putting most of my energy into my goal of getting into better shape.  I regularly exercise and watch what I eat.  I am proud of my accomplishments and continued motivation in this endeavor.  I truly am.  Many years have I been ashamed of my body and what I let it come to, which was then aided by two pregnancies.  Many years have I talked the talk of fixing this problem and never done anything about it.  So I am very proud of myself in this area. 

Then why is it that I still feel a sense of laziness, or maybe just a sense of guilt that, because I am focusing on this one thing as my priority, everything else has to wait for now?  Or at least be accomplished more slowly? 

I wish I could get rid of that feeling.  I wonder if it is there hoping I will fail at this one thing so I won't try to prioritize new things when I'm done.  So that I will remain at a standstill?  I have tried doing everything I want to accomplish all at once.  It doesn't work.  At all.  I have learned that if I spread myself too thin, what I accomplish will be done poorly, procrastinated, or not at all.

So, I will continue to take one step, one day at a time, focusing on this goal.  I will continue to do what I can on the rest of my to do list.  I will do that because it feels right to me.

I just wish sometimes I could ignore the negative voices in my head.

How do you tackle goals?  Do you have worries similar to mine?  Please leave me a comment.  I LOVE COMMENTS!  Ahem...the end.

Five Minute Friday: Joy

It's time for Five Minute Friday! Click over to The Gypsy Mama for instructions if you would like to participate! (You totally should!)

Today's prompt is: Joy...

Go.

As a Mom of young children, I find my joy in spurts. It's in feeling accomplished because I got my workout in. It's the fact that I got to shower and dress AND put on make-up that day. It's an unexpected hug. It's, "I love you soooooo much, Mom." It's repetitive, open-mouthed baby kisses. It's snuggling on the couch reading books. It's listening to my girls singing and dancing to Michael Jackson. It's noticing Zoe reciting books from memory. It's Paige "talking" and trying so hard to communicate. It's a few moments alone and a good conversation with Matt. It's date night. It's, "I cleaned up my room all by myself, Mom!" It's that whole night of uninterrupted sleep. It's praying with my husband at night and having him be thankful for our marriage and for parenthood. It's feeling comfort from my Heavenly Father on hard days. It's finding a moment to breathe, to think, to read scriptures, to reflect. It's realizing all the blessings that I have.

My joy is large and full, but broken up into tiny moments mixed in between frustrations, temper tantrums, difficulties, and day-to-day mundane tasks. Sometimes it's hard to feel joyful all day long. But when I add up the moments, I find I am truly happy.

What is "Joy" to you?  How do you find joy in your life?  Please leave me a comment.  If you haven't already, I would love it if you found a way to follow me!  Have a wonderful weekend!