After the horrible news yesterday morning and a day spent sulking silently, Matt decided we needed to go shopping after work. It was surprisingly liberating to buy a few items of clothing that actually FIT my body. Normally, I don't get a healing effect from spending money. In fact, generally, I think spending money is stressful. Yesterday, however, I just didn't care. It was wonderful and I felt so much better as we left.
Later, Matt had a softball game to go to and I stayed home to do laundry and pack for our trip today. (We're going home to NM for the weekend.) I was watching Grey's Anatomy- it was a crazy season premiere, by the way- when a pregnant woman having her severed arm reattached went into labor and had a baby. I sat there and watched the show, pretty contented and folding laundry, when, suddenly, they showed a room full of babies. They were adorable, all swaddled with their pink and blue baby hats and little tags on their beds saying "I'm a Boy!" and "I'm a Girl!". Seconds after their appearance on screen, I found myself bawling uncontrollably. I reached for the remote and tried to see through the blur of tears to change the channel, which I couldn't do fast enough. Then I sat there sobbing loudly and fully, tears pouring down my cheeks onto my pants and the floor. My hands were soaked and my nose was dripping and I just didn't care. And I couldn't stop, every time I tried to calm myself down I would wail loudly again and drop my head in my hands and pour out gut-wrenching sobs. I finally calmed down after about ten minutes when I went to the bathroom for tissue and saw my reflection. Who was this person? Who was this red-eyed, puffy-faced person who had just sobbed for ten minutes out of no where? Where did that come from? After I calmed down a bit, I just figured that I had been angry all day and hadn't let myself really experience the sadness I felt. I guess my body decided my emotions needed to explode.
Today, I'm feeling much better. I got up and put on my new clothes- one of my most favorite things, did my hair, and came to work feeling pretty. I'm excited to go home and be around family, and so glad it's Friday.