32, Mothers, and The Shots

The title is a perfect example of how I'm feeling lately. It seems that the minute the weather starts to warm up, we are busy little bees. For instance, every day for the next 11 days is planned. While this is certainly helping the time fly by, it is also making me tired. I spend any extra time resting with my feet up to try to keep the swelling down. Instead I would like to be finishing Zoe's room, cleaning my house, running errands, finishing projects...you get the idea. Anyhow, that is my excuse- yes I know I'm full of those- for not posting until now. And on to the update:
I am 32 weeks...which means I have roughly 7 and a half weeks left until my due date...which is not very long and yet is an eternity. Zoe is almost 4 pounds- and I can feel her weight starting to take it's toll on my back, my bones and my energy level. She's still kicking around in there fairly often...many times torturing my poor ribs. I have been having small contractions a bit more often...but no worries. I am starting to feel more out of breath and get heartburn after nearly everything I eat. I have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday.
Mother's Day was really fun for me. Love got me an hour long pregnancy massage...something I've been wanting for a bit. Now I just have to decide when to get it. :) My Mom, my sister, both Grandma's and my Aunt made it a point to tell me "Happy Mother's Day" and it meant a lot to me. I got to speak with many of the mothers in my life and spent the afternoon with Love's family for dinner. Overall it was a great day. Last year Mother's Day was a bit painful for me, so I shared my thoughts about my own Mother. This year Mother's Day was filled with hope and excitement for what is to come. I love these feelings.
Today I had another appointment with the Diabetes people and it didn't go so well. I feel confused. My doctor tells me I don't have diabetes, my numbers (blood sugar levels) tell me I do. When I went in today I wasn't sure what to expect. They are worried that my numbers are getting higher and decided to put me on a small dose of insulin and I, once again, have to test my sugars 7 times a day. I hate to admit it, but I have cheated a few times as far as the amount of carbs I have and haven't been exercising the last couple of weeks. I was emotional about the whole thing for several reasons:
1. I'm pregnant and am therefore emotional about everything.
2. I feel like it's my fault because I haven't been doing EVERYTHING I can to stay within range.
3. I breathed a sigh of relief when my OB/GYN said I didn't have gestational diabetes, but still knew I wasn't normal and today made me realize I really do have it.
4. I hate needles. Pricking myself has been bad enough, now I have to give myself a shot once a day.
I am just tired. I want this pregnancy to be over so I know she's here and she's safe and my body can return to a state of normalcy. In the meantime, I'm trying to get a handle on my emotions and trying to find the will to do better.

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