Now...

Thank you to those of you who left kind comments. I'll admit, I had one horrible Friday. I was just on edge and on the verge of tears the entire day. It was hard because I started 4 days early, but didn't really start. It kept going off and on and has been for 3 days now. At this point, I don't really know what to think. I'm certainly very tired of the cruel trick my body likes to play on me each month. I always have 5 or 6 days of guessing and second guessing until I finally know for sure. I think it would be a lot easier to just know, one way or the other. My emotions are better now- nicely walled up and locked away for another month. My only real worry at this point is I have to do the dye test now. (Called Hysterosalpingogram or HSG). I wasn't too worried before, but I have a sister-in-law that is going through the exact same thing as I am. In fact we are two weeks apart in our cycles. I am so thankful to have her there by my side going through the same things I am.

She had her HSG last week. In speaking with her about it, I found out that there is a significant amount of cramping afterward (I'm supposed to take Motrin before the test), Matt can't come into the room because they don't want to expose any one to radiation (?!?!?!) that doesn't need to be, and they have to do it within the cycle days 7-10. Wow, that's a sickeningly small window. My fear is, I cannot figure out what day my cycle began, or if it has really begun. Why? Because I haven't had my normal cramps, and I have yet to bleed normally. The projected first cycle day is tomorrow, so I think I'll call the my doctor tomorrow, explain to him what's going on, and see if they can help me pinpoint it. Anyway, that will occur sometime this week. I just hope all goes well. The brighter side of this test is, if everything comes out normal, they say there is a high percentage of women who get pregnant one to two months following the test. Simply because, if there was any minor blockage, or anything on the uterine lining that was keeping pregnancy from happening, the dye should flush it out. So, I will continue to be hopeful.