I know it's been a long time since I blogged. Why? I just don't have a lot of free seconds lately. Right now I am finger-typing this on my phone while I wait for Paige to finish her lunch and lay down for a nap so I can work.
Much of my free time since September has been spent elbow deep in preparing to sing/ play piano (one piece!) for The Messiah by Handel which my church choir will be performing selections from in a few weeks. I have enjoyed being so focused on music. It is hard work but also brings peace to my soul as I exercise the talents I have been given which, admittedly, are a bit rusty.
Zoe also started pre-school in September and the resulting schedule change has really thrown me for a loop. I still am not accustomed to it yet. Hopefully soon. Thankfully, Zoe loves preschool and really seems to be thriving. She has learned to write some letters, her name, many songs, and has made a few new friends. My favorite part of her school days is the discussion of what she did in class after I pick her up. She is amazing.
Paige seems to have blossomed overnight from a baby to a very tall, very sassy and smart two-year-old. She amazes me with her sentence structure, singing and counting daily. Also amazing? Her temper! Wow. Usually she is mild mannered and cooperative, though. She really enjoys our stolen minutes while Zoe is at school before and after her nap. She comes alive when she doesn't have to compete with her older sister. Still, she idolizes Zoe and follows her anywhere she can.
Don't worry, when they are not feeling sweet they definitely fight like cats and dogs.
Between all that, work and continuing to maintain a somewhat healthy lifestyle, I am one busy lady.
I do miss it here though. A lot. So I will try to be better about posting. Even if it is quickly composed on my phone during a stolen moment.
Thanks for still being here. Talk to you soon!
This Thing Called Life
I have been struggling a lot with balance lately. I feel like I'm constantly running behind. There is always too much housework, too many work hours to fulfill, not enough time for running, not enough time for playing, and definitely not time for blogging. I truly feel like if I give up time to do one thing I am taking away precious time to do other important things.
For example, I have kept up with running, but it has been sporadic. The discipline is not there. Nor is it present in my eating habits. The problem is, I know exactly what I need to do and how to get there. I just need to figure out the motivating factor. A lot of it comes down to procrastination. "Oh, I didn't get up early enough to run before working. That's OK, I'll run tonight." And then it never happens.
Procrastination has always been something difficult to overcome for me. I love a clean house, but give me a good book and I can ignore the mess for a while. I always feel like there will be time to "do it later." Unfortunately, that's not how life works. When I let everything get chaotic, or don't stay on top of things, something always happens that make me have to refocus and get back on top of things. This time, that something has been my kitchen floor.
If you'll remember with me, I mentioned that we were redoing our floor in our main living space at the beginning of the year. We completed the floor in a couple of weeks. I spent weeks at a time after that doing little projects here and there to try and finish. Once I got close, and had let everything else slip while I was focused on the flooring projects, my girls managed to spill enough water in the kitchen that it got under our floating, laminate wood floor. So, I had to rip everything up in the kitchen and do it again. I got it all put back together, except we never installed the trim that goes around the cabinets.
I haven't posted pictures of this project because it was only recently that I got my house completely put back together, thanks to my brother-in-law. All that was left was the trim. Unfortunately, as I walked across the floor a couple days ago, it felt bumpy and not smooth. I took a closer look and, to my horror, noticed the floor was warping in several places. I am uncertain how water got underneath the floor this time as I took several precautions to keep water out. It obviously did, though, so we have to rip it up again.
I spent about a day in outright anger at this turn of events. We had just, read: that day, paid off all of our credit card debt. Several great things were happening in our lives. I felt like I would finally have time to catch up on everything. Then this threw a huge wrench in our lives. An immediate problem needing to be dealt with swiftly amongst all the other things I have been procrastinating for another day.
What have I learned from this? It is worth it to make the effort to do a little at a time in everything. It is better to only go for a 20 minute run than do nothing at all. Keep my work schedule exact and don't to try to maneuver time around so I don't end up having to work a bunch of hours at the end of the week. Eat well every day with maybe a few cheats here and there, rather than to eat well sometimes and eat horribly at others. Read a little bit every day instead of spending hours at one time.
Most importantly? Life waits for no one. Things happen every day, good and bad. Being angry or even happy doesn't change a thing. I just need to do my best to live out each day to my best ability. Learning to let go of small things and focus on the big important ones is something I really need to master. Procrastination only makes the job larger and more difficult. A little at a time, all the time goes a long way.
Wish me luck with my floor! Maybe I'll stop procrastinating and post some pictures when it's done.
How do you overcome procrastination? How do you react to the unexpected?
For example, I have kept up with running, but it has been sporadic. The discipline is not there. Nor is it present in my eating habits. The problem is, I know exactly what I need to do and how to get there. I just need to figure out the motivating factor. A lot of it comes down to procrastination. "Oh, I didn't get up early enough to run before working. That's OK, I'll run tonight." And then it never happens.
Procrastination has always been something difficult to overcome for me. I love a clean house, but give me a good book and I can ignore the mess for a while. I always feel like there will be time to "do it later." Unfortunately, that's not how life works. When I let everything get chaotic, or don't stay on top of things, something always happens that make me have to refocus and get back on top of things. This time, that something has been my kitchen floor.
If you'll remember with me, I mentioned that we were redoing our floor in our main living space at the beginning of the year. We completed the floor in a couple of weeks. I spent weeks at a time after that doing little projects here and there to try and finish. Once I got close, and had let everything else slip while I was focused on the flooring projects, my girls managed to spill enough water in the kitchen that it got under our floating, laminate wood floor. So, I had to rip everything up in the kitchen and do it again. I got it all put back together, except we never installed the trim that goes around the cabinets.
I haven't posted pictures of this project because it was only recently that I got my house completely put back together, thanks to my brother-in-law. All that was left was the trim. Unfortunately, as I walked across the floor a couple days ago, it felt bumpy and not smooth. I took a closer look and, to my horror, noticed the floor was warping in several places. I am uncertain how water got underneath the floor this time as I took several precautions to keep water out. It obviously did, though, so we have to rip it up again.
I spent about a day in outright anger at this turn of events. We had just, read: that day, paid off all of our credit card debt. Several great things were happening in our lives. I felt like I would finally have time to catch up on everything. Then this threw a huge wrench in our lives. An immediate problem needing to be dealt with swiftly amongst all the other things I have been procrastinating for another day.
What have I learned from this? It is worth it to make the effort to do a little at a time in everything. It is better to only go for a 20 minute run than do nothing at all. Keep my work schedule exact and don't to try to maneuver time around so I don't end up having to work a bunch of hours at the end of the week. Eat well every day with maybe a few cheats here and there, rather than to eat well sometimes and eat horribly at others. Read a little bit every day instead of spending hours at one time.
Most importantly? Life waits for no one. Things happen every day, good and bad. Being angry or even happy doesn't change a thing. I just need to do my best to live out each day to my best ability. Learning to let go of small things and focus on the big important ones is something I really need to master. Procrastination only makes the job larger and more difficult. A little at a time, all the time goes a long way.
Wish me luck with my floor! Maybe I'll stop procrastinating and post some pictures when it's done.
How do you overcome procrastination? How do you react to the unexpected?
Vacation
This is going to be short because I'm blogging from my phone as we drive through Colorado's portion of the Rocky Mountains.
We just spent the last week in Iowa visiting Matt's brother and his family. I was just sitting here reflecting on our trip and feeling so relaxed.
Often, when we go on vacation, we get home feeling like we need another vacation. While the drive has been long, two days there and now two days back, it has been the most fun and relaxing vacation we have taken in a while.
We spent the first few days at their house, hanging out, talking, going to dinner, playing with the kids, and trying to keep cool (I had forgotten what humidity was like). Then on Tuesday evening we headed out to their lake house.
While there we had limited cell reception, no Internet access and we were surrounded by trees and a beautiful lake. We spent hours in the water swimming and boating. Matt and Zoe did some fishing. The girls weren't too keen on swimming but they played for hours on the beach.
There were limited things to do and it was so nice. No rushed, fast-paced living, just the quiet, calm of life on he lake away from the rest of the world.
It was healing for my soul. I feel relaxed and recharged. The best part is that I got to know that part of our family better. If you guys are reading this, thank you for everything. We love you!
Even now, on the long drive, I am relaxed as I have spent the hours with my nose in a book or taking in our beautiful surroundings.
A few more hours and we'll be back to normal life. Guess I'd better enjoy it while I can!
We just spent the last week in Iowa visiting Matt's brother and his family. I was just sitting here reflecting on our trip and feeling so relaxed.
Often, when we go on vacation, we get home feeling like we need another vacation. While the drive has been long, two days there and now two days back, it has been the most fun and relaxing vacation we have taken in a while.
We spent the first few days at their house, hanging out, talking, going to dinner, playing with the kids, and trying to keep cool (I had forgotten what humidity was like). Then on Tuesday evening we headed out to their lake house.
While there we had limited cell reception, no Internet access and we were surrounded by trees and a beautiful lake. We spent hours in the water swimming and boating. Matt and Zoe did some fishing. The girls weren't too keen on swimming but they played for hours on the beach.
There were limited things to do and it was so nice. No rushed, fast-paced living, just the quiet, calm of life on he lake away from the rest of the world.
It was healing for my soul. I feel relaxed and recharged. The best part is that I got to know that part of our family better. If you guys are reading this, thank you for everything. We love you!
Even now, on the long drive, I am relaxed as I have spent the hours with my nose in a book or taking in our beautiful surroundings.
A few more hours and we'll be back to normal life. Guess I'd better enjoy it while I can!
Five Minute Friday: Dance
It's been a while since I participated in Five Minute Friday, but here I am, blogging on my phone as we make a trek to Iowa to visit family. Please visit Lisa-Jo for the rules and to join in here!!
Today's Prompt: Dance
Go.
We dance through the rhythm of young parenthood. The music and it's beat ever changing.
Our halls cluttered with toys and the laughter and screaming of little girls. Our hearts full of the song of love we never knew we could feel so deeply.
Sometimes we find ourselves slow dancing through a grownup movie or a stolen moment in the night.
Mostly we are moving endlessly- like we're part of an endless rave only the drugs are merely lack of sleep.
We dance along and try to find our way when the music changes, getting up when we stumble and fall.
Sometimes we get tired and want to stop, but the music never stops so we keep moving through the rough moments and eventually find the beauty in every melody.
Of all the dances in our lives this is the most important. See, as we dance, little feet are picking up our rhythms, and learning their own moves.
Stop.
What is your dance?
Today's Prompt: Dance
Go.
We dance through the rhythm of young parenthood. The music and it's beat ever changing.
Our halls cluttered with toys and the laughter and screaming of little girls. Our hearts full of the song of love we never knew we could feel so deeply.
Sometimes we find ourselves slow dancing through a grownup movie or a stolen moment in the night.
Mostly we are moving endlessly- like we're part of an endless rave only the drugs are merely lack of sleep.
We dance along and try to find our way when the music changes, getting up when we stumble and fall.
Sometimes we get tired and want to stop, but the music never stops so we keep moving through the rough moments and eventually find the beauty in every melody.
Of all the dances in our lives this is the most important. See, as we dance, little feet are picking up our rhythms, and learning their own moves.
Stop.
What is your dance?
Guess what I did?
I have been away from this space as the usual busyness of my life exploded into chaos. We are all fine, learning to manage things again. My Mom is in town visiting with my little brother. It is nice to have her here. We are also preparing to leave on a trip to Iowa to visit Matt's brother the end of this week. It will be so nice to be away from home and work and spend a few of those days at a lake. And I am also about to have a four year old roaming the house.
Now that you've been updated, I will tell you what I did. As I prepared for the 5k I ran last month I created a habit of running four times weekly. I have fallen in love with this habit all over again after years of not running. Recently I was approached to take a spot in a local half marathon. My first instinct was adamant refusal. I talked with a friend and experienced runner who had run the race before and she was sure I could do it. I thought about it for a few days and finally decided to try, simply to see if I could.
The last couple weeks I increased the length of my runs minimally and had planned to do a trial run last week. I woke up late and found out that I wouldn't be able to run it after all. I decided to only run 6.5 miles- the furthest I had ever run. Then my friend said I could run in place of her sister's son. I was excited, especially after almost losing the opportunity. I was also nervous because I had no idea if I could even run that far.
Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 am and prepared to leave. I was a sort of nervous, excited the whole morning. We rode a bus from the finish line up the canyon to the start. I took in the beautiful mountain surroundings as I waited for the race to start. There was a small voice in my head screaming at me that I was crazy for attempting to run twice as far as I ever had in a race. I reminded myself that I already had learned to run farther than I ever imagined and resolved to do my best.
The race started and I remembered to go slow on the steep downhill slope. I had to stop a few times for water and restroom breaks as well as to fix my shoes when my toes started aching at mile eight (from running downhill), but I ran the entire way until mile twelve when I has to walk a few steps because of my toes. I talked myself into running through the pain as I was not going to finish that race walking. I ran the rest of the way, frustrated at my feet as he rest of my body and lungs felt fine.
The elation as I crossed the finish line after running 13.1 miles is hard to describe. I received a medal stating I was a half marathon finisher. My official time was 2:16:22.
You guys, I ran 13.1 miles!!! I still feel so on top of the world!!
I am here to tell you that the you can do anything you set your mind to. You just have to be willing to try and prepare as best you can. I will do this again. I will keep pushing my limits.
I am a little sore today, but I can handle it. My body will recover and I will set a new goal. Who knows what I will accomplish next!
Now that you've been updated, I will tell you what I did. As I prepared for the 5k I ran last month I created a habit of running four times weekly. I have fallen in love with this habit all over again after years of not running. Recently I was approached to take a spot in a local half marathon. My first instinct was adamant refusal. I talked with a friend and experienced runner who had run the race before and she was sure I could do it. I thought about it for a few days and finally decided to try, simply to see if I could.
The last couple weeks I increased the length of my runs minimally and had planned to do a trial run last week. I woke up late and found out that I wouldn't be able to run it after all. I decided to only run 6.5 miles- the furthest I had ever run. Then my friend said I could run in place of her sister's son. I was excited, especially after almost losing the opportunity. I was also nervous because I had no idea if I could even run that far.
Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 am and prepared to leave. I was a sort of nervous, excited the whole morning. We rode a bus from the finish line up the canyon to the start. I took in the beautiful mountain surroundings as I waited for the race to start. There was a small voice in my head screaming at me that I was crazy for attempting to run twice as far as I ever had in a race. I reminded myself that I already had learned to run farther than I ever imagined and resolved to do my best.
The race started and I remembered to go slow on the steep downhill slope. I had to stop a few times for water and restroom breaks as well as to fix my shoes when my toes started aching at mile eight (from running downhill), but I ran the entire way until mile twelve when I has to walk a few steps because of my toes. I talked myself into running through the pain as I was not going to finish that race walking. I ran the rest of the way, frustrated at my feet as he rest of my body and lungs felt fine.
The elation as I crossed the finish line after running 13.1 miles is hard to describe. I received a medal stating I was a half marathon finisher. My official time was 2:16:22.
You guys, I ran 13.1 miles!!! I still feel so on top of the world!!
I am a little sore today, but I can handle it. My body will recover and I will set a new goal. Who knows what I will accomplish next!
Happy Birthday, Mommy!
At 29 years old I still call my Mom "Mommy", something she insisted on for as long as I can remember. She also insisted we keep our rooms clean, help around the house, finish our dinner and our homework, get good grades and make good choices. We had many struggles, fights, yelling matches over some of those expectations over the years. We have similar personalities but differing viewpoints. Years after leaving home, I don't remember too much of that.
I do remember her coming into our rooms to help us set up giant barbie houses. She made us tiny furniture out of all sorts of things. Taught us how to braid their hair, and each other's, and detested naked barbies- they always had to be clothed.
She would let us dig through piles of her old dresses and dance costumes and helped us cultivate our endless imaginations as we pretended to be anything from fairies to dancers to southern belles. She would leave the sheets attached to the rafters in the garage (when we had garage sales to keep people from seeing everything we stored in our garage) for days. Perfect curtains for endless plays that she patiently watched and seemed to enjoy.
She didn't worry about us getting dirty. We would spent our days in our mostly dirt backyard, barefoot and wild. We climbed trees, walls and swing sets, explored the mesa at the end of our street, rode bikes all day, played in the amazing playhouse my grandpa built. We spent our summers camping where she would take us on hikes and teach us about nature. Sometimes we would get so dirty she would have to hose us off in the backyard before we came into the house- pretty sure she grinned at our squeals in the cold water.
She brought music into our lives. Something that I cherish deeply. My childhood was filled with sounds of her and my family, even my Dad, singing and playing all our different instruments. She started teaching piano lessons when me and my friends lost our piano teacher. Music was almost always filling our walls.
She taught us to be spiritually strong. To find what you believe and stick to it, unwaveringly. I am daily grateful for her example of living what we believe. For having a strong testimony for me to lean on until I found my own.
She was always there. She was at every band concert, almost every marching band performance, and was a band Mom. She was also at all my siblings sporting events, concerts, plays. Anything we were involved in, she was involved in. Anytime we needed to talk, she was there to listen. How she has done that for all five of us is something I still can't figure out.
She is very crafty and handy. She can do anything from sewing, drawing, scrap booking to building walls, tiling, gardening and beyond. I have always been amazed at what she can do with her hands. I got some of those traits, but not all of them. Mostly I'm grateful to have been taught that hard work is a part of life, and that you can figure most anything out if you try hard enough.
My youngest brother is still home, living out his teen years. Almost four years ago I made my Mom a grandma. She holds both titles in high esteem. My kids love her. She is amazing with children. Imaginative and patient, but firm- most of the time.
She has been through many hardships in her life. Though she is far more emotional than me, her strength and faith through her trials is amazing. She is too hard on herself, always. So I want her to know that one of the things I admire most is her strength and her faith.
As an adult I have gone my own way on a lot of things, but she is still the rock that I lean on when I need to. She is still my roots when I'm trying to test out my wings. I can only imagine how hard it is to let your children go and live their own lives, respecting how they live them, and still mothering where you can. I think most of the time she hits that balance well.
Living far away from my family is hard, and I miss them so much. I am grateful for the Internet and for phones and how they make that distance not feel so large. I am grateful to have a place of my own on the Internet where I can celebrate her life thus far.
Today is her birthday. I want her to know I am beyond grateful to have to her in my life. To be able to turn to her when I need her, or be there for her when she needs me. I am grateful for her involvement in my kids' lives, and for her support of my decisions for my family. I want her to know that, especially now that I am experiencing motherhood for myself, I think she did a great job of raising us. I also want her to know that she is stronger than she gives herself credit for. She has gone through so many changes the last few years and I know she can keep going.
Happy Birthday, Mommy! I hope you know how much I love you and how much I wish I could be there to tell you all this in person. I hope you have an amazing day and that you remember how many people love and cherish you!
I do remember her coming into our rooms to help us set up giant barbie houses. She made us tiny furniture out of all sorts of things. Taught us how to braid their hair, and each other's, and detested naked barbies- they always had to be clothed.
She would let us dig through piles of her old dresses and dance costumes and helped us cultivate our endless imaginations as we pretended to be anything from fairies to dancers to southern belles. She would leave the sheets attached to the rafters in the garage (when we had garage sales to keep people from seeing everything we stored in our garage) for days. Perfect curtains for endless plays that she patiently watched and seemed to enjoy.
She didn't worry about us getting dirty. We would spent our days in our mostly dirt backyard, barefoot and wild. We climbed trees, walls and swing sets, explored the mesa at the end of our street, rode bikes all day, played in the amazing playhouse my grandpa built. We spent our summers camping where she would take us on hikes and teach us about nature. Sometimes we would get so dirty she would have to hose us off in the backyard before we came into the house- pretty sure she grinned at our squeals in the cold water.
She brought music into our lives. Something that I cherish deeply. My childhood was filled with sounds of her and my family, even my Dad, singing and playing all our different instruments. She started teaching piano lessons when me and my friends lost our piano teacher. Music was almost always filling our walls.
She taught us to be spiritually strong. To find what you believe and stick to it, unwaveringly. I am daily grateful for her example of living what we believe. For having a strong testimony for me to lean on until I found my own.
She was always there. She was at every band concert, almost every marching band performance, and was a band Mom. She was also at all my siblings sporting events, concerts, plays. Anything we were involved in, she was involved in. Anytime we needed to talk, she was there to listen. How she has done that for all five of us is something I still can't figure out.
She is very crafty and handy. She can do anything from sewing, drawing, scrap booking to building walls, tiling, gardening and beyond. I have always been amazed at what she can do with her hands. I got some of those traits, but not all of them. Mostly I'm grateful to have been taught that hard work is a part of life, and that you can figure most anything out if you try hard enough.
My youngest brother is still home, living out his teen years. Almost four years ago I made my Mom a grandma. She holds both titles in high esteem. My kids love her. She is amazing with children. Imaginative and patient, but firm- most of the time.She has been through many hardships in her life. Though she is far more emotional than me, her strength and faith through her trials is amazing. She is too hard on herself, always. So I want her to know that one of the things I admire most is her strength and her faith.
As an adult I have gone my own way on a lot of things, but she is still the rock that I lean on when I need to. She is still my roots when I'm trying to test out my wings. I can only imagine how hard it is to let your children go and live their own lives, respecting how they live them, and still mothering where you can. I think most of the time she hits that balance well.
Living far away from my family is hard, and I miss them so much. I am grateful for the Internet and for phones and how they make that distance not feel so large. I am grateful to have a place of my own on the Internet where I can celebrate her life thus far.
Today is her birthday. I want her to know I am beyond grateful to have to her in my life. To be able to turn to her when I need her, or be there for her when she needs me. I am grateful for her involvement in my kids' lives, and for her support of my decisions for my family. I want her to know that, especially now that I am experiencing motherhood for myself, I think she did a great job of raising us. I also want her to know that she is stronger than she gives herself credit for. She has gone through so many changes the last few years and I know she can keep going.
Happy Birthday, Mommy! I hope you know how much I love you and how much I wish I could be there to tell you all this in person. I hope you have an amazing day and that you remember how many people love and cherish you!
Lessons Learned
The last few weeks I have been training for the local Susan G Komen Race for the Cure going on here next Saturday. I am really excited to run it, especially since I discovered that I can actually run 3.1 miles without too much trouble. This is no small matter to the girl who had trouble getting through all four laps to make up the required mile in my physical education class growing up. I guess it just goes to show that size isn't everything. Skinny doesn't always equal strong or in shape, any more than having bits of fat makes me weak. This is an important lesson I have learned.
Something else the last few weeks have taught me is that I need a goal to stay focused. Losing weight isn't a goal, it's a benefit of living a healthy lifestyle- which is now my real goal. I'm starting to not focus on the scale so much as focusing on making sure I stay active and try to make good, nutritious food choices. I'm not perfect at this, and I've learned not to expect perfection. Striving for perfection will get you nothing but failure. And failure bites. The result of this new mentality is that I'm happier with myself and my progress- which has also helped me in my relationship with Matt.
Since we decided to work things out and get remarried, I have been quite happy. We keep working on things and they aren't perfect, but that's ok. It's very normal and that is a good thing. When we first got back together it was like we had just met all over again. As time went on, I realized there was always this teeny, tiny fear in the back of my mind that it wouldn't work out in the end. I have been struggling with that little fear off and on for almost a year now. Matt has been so supportive whenever that fear surfaced.
Having been reassured so many times, you would think the fear would go away. It's hard to explain, but every time we had a conflict and feelings similar to the ones I had when things went south came back, I freaked out. I brought up the past. I worried that just because one or both of us were upset that we would be back where we once were. I worried more about my appearance. I did all the things you're not supposed to do in a conflict. He would calm me down, we would talk it out and I would feel better again.
A few weeks ago, Matt and I were talking about something and the subject of our future came up and he told me he wasn't going anywhere, that I would have to be the one to leave for us to end. It may seem silly to some, but that was sort of a turning point for me. The last little piece of my heart I realized I hadn't given back to him was suddenly his again. My soul is calmer, my heart is sure, and my self-esteem is mine to deal with again. Our love has grown deeper, and it shows in the little things we do for each other.
That man loves me, and I love him. I gave him my heart almost 9 years ago and it has been his ever since. We have our bumps and bruises, but they do heal. We have been brought together so many times now that I truly believe we were meant to be. Life teaches us a lot of lessons. The most important one I have learned is that I can never take anything for granted. Not health, not friendship, not money and especially not love. Having the love of a man who gets me so completely, who makes me laugh, supports me and makes me feel beautiful in pajamas and yesterday's make-up, is something I will forever be grateful for. I also have to remember to love myself.
I want to thank our families, friends and all the people who read this little blog for supporting us as we travel our many journeys together and separately. The other day my in-laws thanked me for taking Matt back. I was touched by this, but didn't quite know what to say back. I will say now that I loved him nearly from the day I met him and I never stopped. It was hard to figure some things out, but deciding to try again wasn't hard at all. I know I made the right choice the first, second and third time I said, "I do."
Marriage isn't always easy. Life isn't easy. Changing is especially hard. Everything we do, our goals, the relationships we have- they all take work. Nothing happens in life that we don't put a little effort into. We just have to trust ourselves, learn from our mistakes, stay focused, follow our hearts and surround ourselves with people who support and empower us. I believe that to be true of everything we do.
What is your favorite relationship advice? How do you attack your goals in life? Who is your best cheerleader in life? Have a great weekend!
Something else the last few weeks have taught me is that I need a goal to stay focused. Losing weight isn't a goal, it's a benefit of living a healthy lifestyle- which is now my real goal. I'm starting to not focus on the scale so much as focusing on making sure I stay active and try to make good, nutritious food choices. I'm not perfect at this, and I've learned not to expect perfection. Striving for perfection will get you nothing but failure. And failure bites. The result of this new mentality is that I'm happier with myself and my progress- which has also helped me in my relationship with Matt.
Since we decided to work things out and get remarried, I have been quite happy. We keep working on things and they aren't perfect, but that's ok. It's very normal and that is a good thing. When we first got back together it was like we had just met all over again. As time went on, I realized there was always this teeny, tiny fear in the back of my mind that it wouldn't work out in the end. I have been struggling with that little fear off and on for almost a year now. Matt has been so supportive whenever that fear surfaced.
Having been reassured so many times, you would think the fear would go away. It's hard to explain, but every time we had a conflict and feelings similar to the ones I had when things went south came back, I freaked out. I brought up the past. I worried that just because one or both of us were upset that we would be back where we once were. I worried more about my appearance. I did all the things you're not supposed to do in a conflict. He would calm me down, we would talk it out and I would feel better again.
A few weeks ago, Matt and I were talking about something and the subject of our future came up and he told me he wasn't going anywhere, that I would have to be the one to leave for us to end. It may seem silly to some, but that was sort of a turning point for me. The last little piece of my heart I realized I hadn't given back to him was suddenly his again. My soul is calmer, my heart is sure, and my self-esteem is mine to deal with again. Our love has grown deeper, and it shows in the little things we do for each other.
That man loves me, and I love him. I gave him my heart almost 9 years ago and it has been his ever since. We have our bumps and bruises, but they do heal. We have been brought together so many times now that I truly believe we were meant to be. Life teaches us a lot of lessons. The most important one I have learned is that I can never take anything for granted. Not health, not friendship, not money and especially not love. Having the love of a man who gets me so completely, who makes me laugh, supports me and makes me feel beautiful in pajamas and yesterday's make-up, is something I will forever be grateful for. I also have to remember to love myself.
I want to thank our families, friends and all the people who read this little blog for supporting us as we travel our many journeys together and separately. The other day my in-laws thanked me for taking Matt back. I was touched by this, but didn't quite know what to say back. I will say now that I loved him nearly from the day I met him and I never stopped. It was hard to figure some things out, but deciding to try again wasn't hard at all. I know I made the right choice the first, second and third time I said, "I do."
Marriage isn't always easy. Life isn't easy. Changing is especially hard. Everything we do, our goals, the relationships we have- they all take work. Nothing happens in life that we don't put a little effort into. We just have to trust ourselves, learn from our mistakes, stay focused, follow our hearts and surround ourselves with people who support and empower us. I believe that to be true of everything we do.
What is your favorite relationship advice? How do you attack your goals in life? Who is your best cheerleader in life? Have a great weekend!
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