I finally took all my Christmas decorations down today. It was especially hard for me to let go of Christmas this year. I always get a little depressed after Christmas is over and want to hang onto it as long as I can. Perhaps it was because I was so excited for this Christmas. My girls were so much fun to watch as they anticipated the arrival of Santa. Although, the "I wants" were numerous this year thanks to all the well placed toy advertisements. Still, they managed to narrow things down to must-haves and we were able to get a couple of books to help them understand the reason we celebrate Christmas.
They also were very sweet and giving. I got the cutest homemade drawing from Zoe that Matt helped her wrap. I love that it's the homemade things, the presents made and given with love that mean the most. We were all spoiled this year.
When I'm feeling down, I find the best thing to do is count my blessings. I am so grateful for all that I have. Matt and I have good, stable jobs that allow us to live in a comfortable, warm home and provide for our family. I am blessed to have a close relationship with my Heavenly Father. We are blessed with two amazing girls who bring joy to our lives and teach us patience daily. We are blessed with individual talents. Matt and I have each other, and if you've been reading this blog long, you'll understand why that is such an important blessing. We also have amazing family and friends who we literally wouldn't be able to survive without.
I have plenty of goals for the year, plenty of things I want to learn and become, plenty that I want to have. I will get to posting all those as soon as I can. Tonight, I just wanted to take a minute to start the year taking notice of all that I am blessed with. It has made me feel a little less sad that my favorite time of year is gone for now. Can't wait to see what the future holds! Have a good night friends!
Mercy
As I helped Zoe into bed tonight, I was studying two blankets that were carefully draped over her headboard. She looked at me, removed the blankets and said, "Mom, look." I looked and discovered that, during quiet time, she decided to color her entire headboard with purple crayon. Astonished, I cried, "Zoe!" Her lip immediately pouted and tears welled up in her eyes as she quietly said, "I just wanted it to be purple and not white." The tears became sobs and she fell into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her. Surprisingly, I was not mad- not one bit. Instead I remembered a book we have read often about a little girl who colored her new ice skates pink because white was so boring. I smiled and pulled her little face into my hands and said, "Honey, it is OK to make mistakes. I love you no matter what you do. Thank you for telling me what you did. What are we supposed to color on?" She replied, "Paper." We said a few more words and agreed to keep the crayons downstairs from now on. Still she continued to apologize as I took the magic eraser (seriously, thank you whoever invented that!!) to her headboard. I thanked her for apologizing and told her I knew she was sorry, that what she did was not OK, but that I wasn't mad.
As I tucked her into bed, she kept hugging me. I'm not sure if she was surprised that I wasn't mad and hugging me happily or hugging me for reassurance, but I gave her extra hugs and kisses before bed. She told me she was happy to have a clean blankie and I told her I was so happy to have her. After a song, a few more snuggles and "I love yous," I left her room and she fell asleep quickly.
In those few moments I became leaps and bounds closer to my daughter. I can only imagine her fear as she pulled those blankets off to show me what she had done. I remember having the same fear as a child when I decided to try to cut my own bangs. I know I have failed to be my best self many times as a parent. I yell more than I want to and sometimes say things I regret later. I always apologize, but I live with a lot of guilt as I try to overcome my quick-tempered, natural tendencies.
Tonight, I showed my child mercy, and I gained her trust. I only hope I can keep it as she reveals far worse mistakes as she gets older. I was proud of myself and how I handled it, and thankful that I was able to keep my cool.
A few minutes later, I thought of my Heavenly Father. In order to understand Him better, I often compare parenting children to Him watching over all of us. I think it is the closest I will ever come to truly understanding His love for me. I mean, with all my imperfections, he blessed me with two of his most precious and beautiful souls to care for, to teach, and to love. Just that alone shows me how much love He has for me, and how much trust He has put in me.
Every day I fail Him. Every day I make mistakes. Each and every time I do, He wraps me in His warm embrace and tells me, "It's OK to make mistakes. I love you no matter what you do." He gives me trials to help me learn, helps me to see my mistakes and correct them, and provides more blessings to me than I could ever deserve.
I hope to be more like Him in my parenting. I know I won't be perfect, but I know it is how I want to raise my kids. Tonight showed me that it is possible, and that I am learning to be better than I am. I am grateful for that gift, especially after a long and trying day. I am so thankful to know that I can be better, that I can do anything as long as I do my best and let my Father in Heaven make up for what I lack. My greatest hope is that my children will always feel my undying, unconditional love for them, no matter what.
As I tucked her into bed, she kept hugging me. I'm not sure if she was surprised that I wasn't mad and hugging me happily or hugging me for reassurance, but I gave her extra hugs and kisses before bed. She told me she was happy to have a clean blankie and I told her I was so happy to have her. After a song, a few more snuggles and "I love yous," I left her room and she fell asleep quickly.
In those few moments I became leaps and bounds closer to my daughter. I can only imagine her fear as she pulled those blankets off to show me what she had done. I remember having the same fear as a child when I decided to try to cut my own bangs. I know I have failed to be my best self many times as a parent. I yell more than I want to and sometimes say things I regret later. I always apologize, but I live with a lot of guilt as I try to overcome my quick-tempered, natural tendencies.
Tonight, I showed my child mercy, and I gained her trust. I only hope I can keep it as she reveals far worse mistakes as she gets older. I was proud of myself and how I handled it, and thankful that I was able to keep my cool.
A few minutes later, I thought of my Heavenly Father. In order to understand Him better, I often compare parenting children to Him watching over all of us. I think it is the closest I will ever come to truly understanding His love for me. I mean, with all my imperfections, he blessed me with two of his most precious and beautiful souls to care for, to teach, and to love. Just that alone shows me how much love He has for me, and how much trust He has put in me.
Every day I fail Him. Every day I make mistakes. Each and every time I do, He wraps me in His warm embrace and tells me, "It's OK to make mistakes. I love you no matter what you do." He gives me trials to help me learn, helps me to see my mistakes and correct them, and provides more blessings to me than I could ever deserve.
I hope to be more like Him in my parenting. I know I won't be perfect, but I know it is how I want to raise my kids. Tonight showed me that it is possible, and that I am learning to be better than I am. I am grateful for that gift, especially after a long and trying day. I am so thankful to know that I can be better, that I can do anything as long as I do my best and let my Father in Heaven make up for what I lack. My greatest hope is that my children will always feel my undying, unconditional love for them, no matter what.
Not drowning...just barely treading
I know it's been a long time since I blogged. Why? I just don't have a lot of free seconds lately. Right now I am finger-typing this on my phone while I wait for Paige to finish her lunch and lay down for a nap so I can work.
Much of my free time since September has been spent elbow deep in preparing to sing/ play piano (one piece!) for The Messiah by Handel which my church choir will be performing selections from in a few weeks. I have enjoyed being so focused on music. It is hard work but also brings peace to my soul as I exercise the talents I have been given which, admittedly, are a bit rusty.
Zoe also started pre-school in September and the resulting schedule change has really thrown me for a loop. I still am not accustomed to it yet. Hopefully soon. Thankfully, Zoe loves preschool and really seems to be thriving. She has learned to write some letters, her name, many songs, and has made a few new friends. My favorite part of her school days is the discussion of what she did in class after I pick her up. She is amazing.
Paige seems to have blossomed overnight from a baby to a very tall, very sassy and smart two-year-old. She amazes me with her sentence structure, singing and counting daily. Also amazing? Her temper! Wow. Usually she is mild mannered and cooperative, though. She really enjoys our stolen minutes while Zoe is at school before and after her nap. She comes alive when she doesn't have to compete with her older sister. Still, she idolizes Zoe and follows her anywhere she can.
Don't worry, when they are not feeling sweet they definitely fight like cats and dogs.
Between all that, work and continuing to maintain a somewhat healthy lifestyle, I am one busy lady.
I do miss it here though. A lot. So I will try to be better about posting. Even if it is quickly composed on my phone during a stolen moment.
Thanks for still being here. Talk to you soon!
Much of my free time since September has been spent elbow deep in preparing to sing/ play piano (one piece!) for The Messiah by Handel which my church choir will be performing selections from in a few weeks. I have enjoyed being so focused on music. It is hard work but also brings peace to my soul as I exercise the talents I have been given which, admittedly, are a bit rusty.
Zoe also started pre-school in September and the resulting schedule change has really thrown me for a loop. I still am not accustomed to it yet. Hopefully soon. Thankfully, Zoe loves preschool and really seems to be thriving. She has learned to write some letters, her name, many songs, and has made a few new friends. My favorite part of her school days is the discussion of what she did in class after I pick her up. She is amazing.
Paige seems to have blossomed overnight from a baby to a very tall, very sassy and smart two-year-old. She amazes me with her sentence structure, singing and counting daily. Also amazing? Her temper! Wow. Usually she is mild mannered and cooperative, though. She really enjoys our stolen minutes while Zoe is at school before and after her nap. She comes alive when she doesn't have to compete with her older sister. Still, she idolizes Zoe and follows her anywhere she can.
Don't worry, when they are not feeling sweet they definitely fight like cats and dogs.
Between all that, work and continuing to maintain a somewhat healthy lifestyle, I am one busy lady.
I do miss it here though. A lot. So I will try to be better about posting. Even if it is quickly composed on my phone during a stolen moment.
Thanks for still being here. Talk to you soon!
This Thing Called Life
I have been struggling a lot with balance lately. I feel like I'm constantly running behind. There is always too much housework, too many work hours to fulfill, not enough time for running, not enough time for playing, and definitely not time for blogging. I truly feel like if I give up time to do one thing I am taking away precious time to do other important things.
For example, I have kept up with running, but it has been sporadic. The discipline is not there. Nor is it present in my eating habits. The problem is, I know exactly what I need to do and how to get there. I just need to figure out the motivating factor. A lot of it comes down to procrastination. "Oh, I didn't get up early enough to run before working. That's OK, I'll run tonight." And then it never happens.
Procrastination has always been something difficult to overcome for me. I love a clean house, but give me a good book and I can ignore the mess for a while. I always feel like there will be time to "do it later." Unfortunately, that's not how life works. When I let everything get chaotic, or don't stay on top of things, something always happens that make me have to refocus and get back on top of things. This time, that something has been my kitchen floor.
If you'll remember with me, I mentioned that we were redoing our floor in our main living space at the beginning of the year. We completed the floor in a couple of weeks. I spent weeks at a time after that doing little projects here and there to try and finish. Once I got close, and had let everything else slip while I was focused on the flooring projects, my girls managed to spill enough water in the kitchen that it got under our floating, laminate wood floor. So, I had to rip everything up in the kitchen and do it again. I got it all put back together, except we never installed the trim that goes around the cabinets.
I haven't posted pictures of this project because it was only recently that I got my house completely put back together, thanks to my brother-in-law. All that was left was the trim. Unfortunately, as I walked across the floor a couple days ago, it felt bumpy and not smooth. I took a closer look and, to my horror, noticed the floor was warping in several places. I am uncertain how water got underneath the floor this time as I took several precautions to keep water out. It obviously did, though, so we have to rip it up again.
I spent about a day in outright anger at this turn of events. We had just, read: that day, paid off all of our credit card debt. Several great things were happening in our lives. I felt like I would finally have time to catch up on everything. Then this threw a huge wrench in our lives. An immediate problem needing to be dealt with swiftly amongst all the other things I have been procrastinating for another day.
What have I learned from this? It is worth it to make the effort to do a little at a time in everything. It is better to only go for a 20 minute run than do nothing at all. Keep my work schedule exact and don't to try to maneuver time around so I don't end up having to work a bunch of hours at the end of the week. Eat well every day with maybe a few cheats here and there, rather than to eat well sometimes and eat horribly at others. Read a little bit every day instead of spending hours at one time.
Most importantly? Life waits for no one. Things happen every day, good and bad. Being angry or even happy doesn't change a thing. I just need to do my best to live out each day to my best ability. Learning to let go of small things and focus on the big important ones is something I really need to master. Procrastination only makes the job larger and more difficult. A little at a time, all the time goes a long way.
Wish me luck with my floor! Maybe I'll stop procrastinating and post some pictures when it's done.
How do you overcome procrastination? How do you react to the unexpected?
For example, I have kept up with running, but it has been sporadic. The discipline is not there. Nor is it present in my eating habits. The problem is, I know exactly what I need to do and how to get there. I just need to figure out the motivating factor. A lot of it comes down to procrastination. "Oh, I didn't get up early enough to run before working. That's OK, I'll run tonight." And then it never happens.
Procrastination has always been something difficult to overcome for me. I love a clean house, but give me a good book and I can ignore the mess for a while. I always feel like there will be time to "do it later." Unfortunately, that's not how life works. When I let everything get chaotic, or don't stay on top of things, something always happens that make me have to refocus and get back on top of things. This time, that something has been my kitchen floor.
If you'll remember with me, I mentioned that we were redoing our floor in our main living space at the beginning of the year. We completed the floor in a couple of weeks. I spent weeks at a time after that doing little projects here and there to try and finish. Once I got close, and had let everything else slip while I was focused on the flooring projects, my girls managed to spill enough water in the kitchen that it got under our floating, laminate wood floor. So, I had to rip everything up in the kitchen and do it again. I got it all put back together, except we never installed the trim that goes around the cabinets.
I haven't posted pictures of this project because it was only recently that I got my house completely put back together, thanks to my brother-in-law. All that was left was the trim. Unfortunately, as I walked across the floor a couple days ago, it felt bumpy and not smooth. I took a closer look and, to my horror, noticed the floor was warping in several places. I am uncertain how water got underneath the floor this time as I took several precautions to keep water out. It obviously did, though, so we have to rip it up again.
I spent about a day in outright anger at this turn of events. We had just, read: that day, paid off all of our credit card debt. Several great things were happening in our lives. I felt like I would finally have time to catch up on everything. Then this threw a huge wrench in our lives. An immediate problem needing to be dealt with swiftly amongst all the other things I have been procrastinating for another day.
What have I learned from this? It is worth it to make the effort to do a little at a time in everything. It is better to only go for a 20 minute run than do nothing at all. Keep my work schedule exact and don't to try to maneuver time around so I don't end up having to work a bunch of hours at the end of the week. Eat well every day with maybe a few cheats here and there, rather than to eat well sometimes and eat horribly at others. Read a little bit every day instead of spending hours at one time.
Most importantly? Life waits for no one. Things happen every day, good and bad. Being angry or even happy doesn't change a thing. I just need to do my best to live out each day to my best ability. Learning to let go of small things and focus on the big important ones is something I really need to master. Procrastination only makes the job larger and more difficult. A little at a time, all the time goes a long way.
Wish me luck with my floor! Maybe I'll stop procrastinating and post some pictures when it's done.
How do you overcome procrastination? How do you react to the unexpected?
Vacation
This is going to be short because I'm blogging from my phone as we drive through Colorado's portion of the Rocky Mountains.
We just spent the last week in Iowa visiting Matt's brother and his family. I was just sitting here reflecting on our trip and feeling so relaxed.
Often, when we go on vacation, we get home feeling like we need another vacation. While the drive has been long, two days there and now two days back, it has been the most fun and relaxing vacation we have taken in a while.
We spent the first few days at their house, hanging out, talking, going to dinner, playing with the kids, and trying to keep cool (I had forgotten what humidity was like). Then on Tuesday evening we headed out to their lake house.
While there we had limited cell reception, no Internet access and we were surrounded by trees and a beautiful lake. We spent hours in the water swimming and boating. Matt and Zoe did some fishing. The girls weren't too keen on swimming but they played for hours on the beach.
There were limited things to do and it was so nice. No rushed, fast-paced living, just the quiet, calm of life on he lake away from the rest of the world.
It was healing for my soul. I feel relaxed and recharged. The best part is that I got to know that part of our family better. If you guys are reading this, thank you for everything. We love you!
Even now, on the long drive, I am relaxed as I have spent the hours with my nose in a book or taking in our beautiful surroundings.
A few more hours and we'll be back to normal life. Guess I'd better enjoy it while I can!
We just spent the last week in Iowa visiting Matt's brother and his family. I was just sitting here reflecting on our trip and feeling so relaxed.
Often, when we go on vacation, we get home feeling like we need another vacation. While the drive has been long, two days there and now two days back, it has been the most fun and relaxing vacation we have taken in a while.
We spent the first few days at their house, hanging out, talking, going to dinner, playing with the kids, and trying to keep cool (I had forgotten what humidity was like). Then on Tuesday evening we headed out to their lake house.
While there we had limited cell reception, no Internet access and we were surrounded by trees and a beautiful lake. We spent hours in the water swimming and boating. Matt and Zoe did some fishing. The girls weren't too keen on swimming but they played for hours on the beach.
There were limited things to do and it was so nice. No rushed, fast-paced living, just the quiet, calm of life on he lake away from the rest of the world.
It was healing for my soul. I feel relaxed and recharged. The best part is that I got to know that part of our family better. If you guys are reading this, thank you for everything. We love you!
Even now, on the long drive, I am relaxed as I have spent the hours with my nose in a book or taking in our beautiful surroundings.
A few more hours and we'll be back to normal life. Guess I'd better enjoy it while I can!
Five Minute Friday: Dance
It's been a while since I participated in Five Minute Friday, but here I am, blogging on my phone as we make a trek to Iowa to visit family. Please visit Lisa-Jo for the rules and to join in here!!
Today's Prompt: Dance
Go.
We dance through the rhythm of young parenthood. The music and it's beat ever changing.
Our halls cluttered with toys and the laughter and screaming of little girls. Our hearts full of the song of love we never knew we could feel so deeply.
Sometimes we find ourselves slow dancing through a grownup movie or a stolen moment in the night.
Mostly we are moving endlessly- like we're part of an endless rave only the drugs are merely lack of sleep.
We dance along and try to find our way when the music changes, getting up when we stumble and fall.
Sometimes we get tired and want to stop, but the music never stops so we keep moving through the rough moments and eventually find the beauty in every melody.
Of all the dances in our lives this is the most important. See, as we dance, little feet are picking up our rhythms, and learning their own moves.
Stop.
What is your dance?
Today's Prompt: Dance
Go.
We dance through the rhythm of young parenthood. The music and it's beat ever changing.
Our halls cluttered with toys and the laughter and screaming of little girls. Our hearts full of the song of love we never knew we could feel so deeply.
Sometimes we find ourselves slow dancing through a grownup movie or a stolen moment in the night.
Mostly we are moving endlessly- like we're part of an endless rave only the drugs are merely lack of sleep.
We dance along and try to find our way when the music changes, getting up when we stumble and fall.
Sometimes we get tired and want to stop, but the music never stops so we keep moving through the rough moments and eventually find the beauty in every melody.
Of all the dances in our lives this is the most important. See, as we dance, little feet are picking up our rhythms, and learning their own moves.
Stop.
What is your dance?
Guess what I did?
I have been away from this space as the usual busyness of my life exploded into chaos. We are all fine, learning to manage things again. My Mom is in town visiting with my little brother. It is nice to have her here. We are also preparing to leave on a trip to Iowa to visit Matt's brother the end of this week. It will be so nice to be away from home and work and spend a few of those days at a lake. And I am also about to have a four year old roaming the house.
Now that you've been updated, I will tell you what I did. As I prepared for the 5k I ran last month I created a habit of running four times weekly. I have fallen in love with this habit all over again after years of not running. Recently I was approached to take a spot in a local half marathon. My first instinct was adamant refusal. I talked with a friend and experienced runner who had run the race before and she was sure I could do it. I thought about it for a few days and finally decided to try, simply to see if I could.
The last couple weeks I increased the length of my runs minimally and had planned to do a trial run last week. I woke up late and found out that I wouldn't be able to run it after all. I decided to only run 6.5 miles- the furthest I had ever run. Then my friend said I could run in place of her sister's son. I was excited, especially after almost losing the opportunity. I was also nervous because I had no idea if I could even run that far.
Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 am and prepared to leave. I was a sort of nervous, excited the whole morning. We rode a bus from the finish line up the canyon to the start. I took in the beautiful mountain surroundings as I waited for the race to start. There was a small voice in my head screaming at me that I was crazy for attempting to run twice as far as I ever had in a race. I reminded myself that I already had learned to run farther than I ever imagined and resolved to do my best.
The race started and I remembered to go slow on the steep downhill slope. I had to stop a few times for water and restroom breaks as well as to fix my shoes when my toes started aching at mile eight (from running downhill), but I ran the entire way until mile twelve when I has to walk a few steps because of my toes. I talked myself into running through the pain as I was not going to finish that race walking. I ran the rest of the way, frustrated at my feet as he rest of my body and lungs felt fine.
The elation as I crossed the finish line after running 13.1 miles is hard to describe. I received a medal stating I was a half marathon finisher. My official time was 2:16:22.
You guys, I ran 13.1 miles!!! I still feel so on top of the world!!
I am here to tell you that the you can do anything you set your mind to. You just have to be willing to try and prepare as best you can. I will do this again. I will keep pushing my limits.
I am a little sore today, but I can handle it. My body will recover and I will set a new goal. Who knows what I will accomplish next!
Now that you've been updated, I will tell you what I did. As I prepared for the 5k I ran last month I created a habit of running four times weekly. I have fallen in love with this habit all over again after years of not running. Recently I was approached to take a spot in a local half marathon. My first instinct was adamant refusal. I talked with a friend and experienced runner who had run the race before and she was sure I could do it. I thought about it for a few days and finally decided to try, simply to see if I could.
The last couple weeks I increased the length of my runs minimally and had planned to do a trial run last week. I woke up late and found out that I wouldn't be able to run it after all. I decided to only run 6.5 miles- the furthest I had ever run. Then my friend said I could run in place of her sister's son. I was excited, especially after almost losing the opportunity. I was also nervous because I had no idea if I could even run that far.
Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 am and prepared to leave. I was a sort of nervous, excited the whole morning. We rode a bus from the finish line up the canyon to the start. I took in the beautiful mountain surroundings as I waited for the race to start. There was a small voice in my head screaming at me that I was crazy for attempting to run twice as far as I ever had in a race. I reminded myself that I already had learned to run farther than I ever imagined and resolved to do my best.
The race started and I remembered to go slow on the steep downhill slope. I had to stop a few times for water and restroom breaks as well as to fix my shoes when my toes started aching at mile eight (from running downhill), but I ran the entire way until mile twelve when I has to walk a few steps because of my toes. I talked myself into running through the pain as I was not going to finish that race walking. I ran the rest of the way, frustrated at my feet as he rest of my body and lungs felt fine.
The elation as I crossed the finish line after running 13.1 miles is hard to describe. I received a medal stating I was a half marathon finisher. My official time was 2:16:22.
You guys, I ran 13.1 miles!!! I still feel so on top of the world!!
I am a little sore today, but I can handle it. My body will recover and I will set a new goal. Who knows what I will accomplish next!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)