That Mom

I am that Mom. You know, the one who can't ever get the laundry folded. I come into my bedroom every night to find the clean piles I managed to separate into baskets dumped all over the floor in a child's eager attempt to find pajamas or underwear. I am the Mom who's bathroom desperately needs to be cleaned. Who really needs to vacuum. I am the Mom who sometimes has trouble getting showered for the day. I often have dishes piled in the sink and crumbs on the floor. I am the Mom who has to apologize to my kids often.  I am the impatient Mom, pushing them to move a little faster, be a little better, go a little farther.  I lose my temper or hurt their feelings or get frustrated with them for being who they are.  I am the Mom who just can't deal with the paint or the play dough today.  Or play that game one more time.  I am the Mom who "can't right now because I have to work." 

I am also the Mom who suggests impromptu family bike rides/walks after a stressful day. I am the Mom who works late at night so I can sometimes take my kids to the park instead.  I am the Mom who sometimes takes my kids up on their invitation to play "house" and manages to survive young girls pretending to be teenagers with boyfriends who's names are eerily the same as their Dad's. I am the Mom who holds storytime and sometimes does voices.  I am the Mom who puts my girls to bed a little late because I gave them some quiet one-on-one time to talk with me.  I am the Mom who teaches my children to be kind above all else, to be grateful for everyone and everything they have, and to always do their best.  I am the Mom who tries to help my children understand their Heavenly Father and how to talk to Him.  I am the Mom who's children know how loved they are. Who tries to always impart to them just how proud I am of them.  

I lay here tonight in bed thinking over the day.  All the failures, everything that didn't get done. All the frustrations, the conflicts, the issues, the fact that I am once again going to bed way too late, and trying to find a positive in a rough day.  I just need to remind myself that, despite all my shortcomings as a Mom, as a wife, as a woman, as a person, as a daughter of God, I am enough. What I did today, it was enough.  Tomorrow is a new day. And yes, I fully intend to make tomorrow better. I may fail. I will make mistakes. I probably will still not get to clean my bathroom, or do every fun thing my kids want me to, or get that pile of laundry folded.  But tonight my daughter cried after I reminded her again just exactly how proud and lucky I am to be her Mother. She fell into my arms and said, "I just love you so much!"  My other daughter beamed at hearing that I was proud of her for simply being herself. The day may not have been the best, but the way it ended tells me that I am doing ok. It is enough for today.  I will always, always try to do better than my best for them. I will never be completely satisfied with my performance as their Mom.  I will keep learning, keep trying, keep striving for balance.  But, I am that Mom who fiercely loves my kids, and they fiercely love me too. And that is more than enough for today.

(I know it has been a while since I have written. I just had all these thoughts exploding in my head so I thought I would write them here in case someone else needed to hear them too.  And just in case that is you, know this: You are enough, too.)  Goodnight!!

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