I'm sitting here in my room listening to the dishwasher running downstairs, the breeze and the sounds of cars passing coming through my open window, and the sweet singing of my little princess- who is supposed to be sleeping- coming from the other room. I've spent the last few days outside as much as possible, trying to soak up as much warmth and sunshine as I possibly can. As I sit here, I'm thinking some of that sunshine has seeped right into my soul. (Some of you will understand that reference.) Tonight, I'm feeling incredibly blessed.
There are a lot of things going on in my life that are hard. Frustrations
with money, pregnancy pains, how to manage my time, worries about the
future...the list goes on. These things are always floating through my mind.
There are people in my life that have much bigger worries than me, yet I can't
help feeling weighed down by my own burdens. Too often I find myself just
trying to get through until some future event. My days are passing me by. With
that passage of time I am getting closer to meeting this new little angel who is
presently kicking around in my belly. With that passage of time Zoe gets closer
and closer to being two.
The past few days I have lowered my expectations of what a clean house is,
I've left things for another day, I've turned off the television and gone
outside. We have taken walks, blown bubbles, spent time with friends, gone to
the park, watered the plants, collected rocks, been sunburned, and just sat on
the porch enjoying the weather. This freedom has allowed my mind to put away
the worries and live a little more in the moment. Tonight I let Zoe sing me two
songs before bed after I had already sang her three. We read a few more books
than we normally do. She hugged me five times on each side before she would let
me put her down. I wasn't rushing to get downstairs and watch whatever was on.
I wasn't in a hurry to get her to bed even though it was past bedtime. I just
let the bedtime routine play on as it wanted and tried to soak up each sweet
moment that I had with my first born. It was magical.
Love works so hard all day every day. Most of the time he comes home, we eat
dinner, and we veg on the couch until bedtime. Lately, though, he's been coming
home, changing and coming outside to play basketball with Zoe and the neighbor
kids. Or sitting on the porch and talking to me or to our friends. He's busier
when warm weather comes going to softball games, golfing, or basketball on
Saturday mornings. Still he finds time to do the dishes and take out the trash
to help me out just a little.
I've started yoga (again) and made sure to do something active everyday. I
feel like this has let me ease up, enjoy life as it is now, and make smarter
choices with what I put in my body- most of the time. Being more active seems
to help me to be stronger, but it also adds to my pregnancy pains and that is
hard, but I feel like it will be better for me (and for Paige) during delivery
and as I recover. I make it a point to read (even if it's not much) every day
and have been enjoying having a bit of "me" time. I feel successful in my work
and that is a great blessing after many slow months.
In general, I feel happy. No matter the difficulties we face and the
challenges that lie ahead for us, I know that somehow we'll be OK. I know
everything will work out. I need to remember that life isn't about a perfectly
clean house. Maybe it's about tiny hands collecting rocks and playing in the
dirt. Maybe it's about relaxing and enjoying the movements of my second child.
Perhaps it's about spending quality time with the love of my life. Or having
daily porch conversations with friends. Something about the cold weather makes
me forget all these things. I'm so grateful for the sunshine up above and all
the little rays of sunshine in my life that fill me up and make me whole. I
thank my Heavenly Father, publicly, at this moment for the blessing that is my