And the floodgates open...
Have you ever had a time when a thousand thoughts are running through your head and you can't even begin to organize them? I have so many things I want to accomplish this year that I constantly find myself planning. I'm even planning things that might not even happen- counting my chickens before they hatch, as they say- which is really not such a good thing. For example, Love should be up for a promotion in a couple months and so I sat down and figured out how much I could cut my hours or if I could quit and us make it. I'm constantly coming up with fantastic strategies for how I can quit, or how we'll pay off all our debt- you know the "If I had a million dollars" plan- or "Love you have to make this much and we'll be debt free". Poor guy is probably so tired of hearing my fantasy possibilities of quitting. Why is this so frontal in my head? Well, Zoe hasn't been doing very well with at my sister-in-law's house lately. I'm certain it's nothing either of them are or aren't doing...she is just fussy all day...which is hard for both of them. It's hard for me to worry about the stress that both of them are going through every day because of it. I hope that it's a temporary thing. Truthfully between sickness, days off, and the holidays the routine could have a hard time sticking. But if it's not, what do I do? It's not fair to either of them to have days like that every week forever! Anyway, because of this I just wish I could be home with her...make it easier on everyone. I feel bad saying this because Love works so hard and his goal is to get me there. I guess I'm just getting impatient. On top of that I feel like I can never catch up with the housework. It seems like the second I finish one thing, another needs to be done. By the time I finish everything it's time to start over again. Moving out here has been a blessing because we finally have a house, but the commute has drastically cut into my functional hours and taken blessed time away from Zoe and I. I guess it's just something I have to deal with. This is my life now and I should take it and be happy. But it's really hard sometimes. It's also hard to only have one car. That involves daily planning all by itself. Not to mention the fact that I have all these decorating ideas for my house and no money to put them into effect...not that I would have time to decorate anyway. The shelves I bought two weeks ago are still sitting on the living room table. There are so many more things that I just don't want to get into here. Everything going on in my head makes me just want to escape to a deserted island and live on coconuts and lay on the beach all day...another fantasy. In the end, I guess I just needed to complain. I'm sure things will be fine...we'll all eventually get used to this change...hard as it may be. Thanks for listening.
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