2 Months

Dear Zoe,
Today you are two months old. I can't believe how fast it went by. It seems like just yesterday I was holding you in my arms for the first time! You have gone through so many changes in the past month! I can't help but be proud of what you've accomplished.
Towards the beginning of the month you started to giggle in your sleep. It is a high pitched, deep belly giggle that never fails to make me laugh. It is literally the cutest thing ever and I want you to know it brings me so much joy. This month also marked the beginning of reactive smiles from you. As much as I loved your precious smiles while asleep or your "gas" smiles, nothing gives me more pleasure than when you find me funny. And honey, I'm glad you won't remember all the silly things I do to get a smile out of you. I make funny noises and contort my face, dance around, sing or talk funny...anything to make you smile. I do it so much that I even sometimes do them when you're not around...but I don't mind being silly if it makes you happy. You've just started to make noises when I talk to you, as if you're trying to talk back. I will continue to talk to you, sing to you, and read to you to give you lots of chances to use your voice. I love to hear your little noises!
Your hands open and close so much more now. You have really learned how to grasp things if we hand them to you. You have discovered that you can calm yourself by sucking on your fist and you can entertain yourself while shaking your keys- your favorite toy. You like to hang on to my shirt or my fingers when breastfeeding...or if you're bottle feeding you hold on to my fingers. You have become more interested in play time. In fact, yesterday, I put your frog on your tummy and your little hands came up and grabbed it, all by yourself! I was so proud of you! You also got a new rattle this last week that you like because the handles are small enough for you to hold. You love that you can shake it all by yourself, but continue to be surprised that it makes noise when you move. Your playtime brings me endless amounts of joy as I watch you learn and develop.
You love the sound of your Dad's voice. I love to watch you stare at him while he talks to you. I hope you are always that attentive to what he has to say. He is really good at calming you down when I'm at my wit's end because you won't stop crying and I don't know what you want. I know you remember his voice from all the times he talked to you in my belly. I suspect you'll be a Daddy's girl, just like I was with Grandpa S.
This last week I had to go back to work. I want you to know, honey, that if there was anything I could do to stay home with you, I would. I am still working on trying to be home with you. Be patient with me and know that I love you so much and I will always miss you. I even made my schedule so I could have one day week day to have you all to myself...otherwise I would miss you too much ! I am so proud of the way you handled this week! It started out with your first shots. Sweetheart, you were so brave. You cried only while you were getting the shots and calmed right down afterward. You were hardly even fussy for Grandma D as she watched you for the first day...your legs were a little sore from the shots and you wanted to be held a lot, but you didn't get a fever and you didn't cry too much. After a scare two days before my first day back to work- when you refused to take a bottle for your Dad- we spent the whole next day getting you used to it again and you took it just fine for Grandma while I was gone. I spent the whole day worrying that you would be too fussy or that you wouldn't eat or that the change in our little routine would freak you out. I didn't get one call to come get you- not even when we changed things again and you went to Cole's on Friday! This week, we got you on a real bedtime schedule and you are already used to it. You've been sleeping longer at night- going 6-8 hours between feeding. This has let me sleep a little more and I'm so thankful for that! You're still learning to try to sleep in places other than home, but I'm sure you'll get it and be a little less fussy in the evenings from being so tired. I'm sure it will take all of us a little time to adjust to this new routine, but we'll do it together.
Today was your first day at the movies and I'm sorry to tell you that I will not take you again until you're old enough to want to watch them. You did not like that you woke up in the dreaded car seat, in the dark, by the ever so loud speakers. You pooped through your clothes in the middle of the movie, then peed on your second outfit not 30 minutes later as I was going to put the new diaper on you. Then you cried as I tried to get you to breastfeed in the dark. I'm sure we made some people mad. It's not your fault that Mom sprung that on you. I think you decided that you'd had enough newness for the week and let me know that THIS you would not deal with. Here's where I'll admit that I'm new at this Mom thing...and I'm sorry we have to do things by trial and error. I promise I'll know what to do next time.
I have learned that you have an opinion all your own...even if you can't talk yet. You hate your car seat unless we are moving. You love baths but hate to be cold afterward. You like to fall asleep in my arms as I gently pat your back or your bum. You don't like to be put down to sleep in the day time- your eyes pop right open if we put you down...even if you're fast asleep. You like to snuggle me when I come home from work to pick you up...like you're letting me know that you love me and missed me. You're quick to let me know if you don't like what I'm doing. You like to be swaddled to sleep at night. You have no patience when you're hungry and you sometimes fight sleep even though you're exhausted like you're afraid you're going to miss something. Every day I marvel at how much you've grown, how fast you learn, how strong you are, how brave you are. I love you so much baby! There are days when you cry so hard that you choke, days that you vomit all over me and yourself, days that you poop through everything, days that, no matter what I do, I can't get you to deal with being put down for five minutes without crying. Through all of this, know that I'm learning too. I get frustrated too when I don't know what you want. I want to cry with you during the hard things like shots and different schedules. Know that, no matter what happens, I will always be there for you to help you through it. I will always try to stay calm and be patient as you try to tell me what you need. I will always hold you when you cry. I will always admit that I'm still learning. And, even though I have to leave you now to go to work, I will always come back.

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