Teetering

I find it difficult to blog lately.  Not just because I've been dealing with flooding under my brand new floor, finishing projects, work and all the normal stuff, but also just because I don't really feel like I know what to write about.  So, please excuse my jumbled thoughts.

Lately I've felt a sort of disconnect from my life.  I feel so off balance.  I know this is partly because the projects on our house have imposed on our normal routine.  Also, I haven't focused on my health as much lately.  Or my spirituality.  I guess that's the problem.  I'm not focused. 

I'm working toward a goal of getting all these little house projects finished.  And while they are important, and will be nice, they are eating up time I would have spent working on my goals.

I spend my days ticking off boxes on endless to do lists.  While this does give me a sense of accomplishment, and I have been working hard, it leaves me feeling like I haven't done anything real.  At least nothing that will matter in the grand scheme of things. 

I feel a little bit empty and not very happy.  It doesn't help that I feel terrible about all the TV my kids watched while we were redoing the house.  Or that I haven't been taking care of myself the way I want to.

Today I spent some time playing with my girls.  I only got half the things done I wanted to, but I felt a little better for having spent some meaningful time with my children.  I really focused on keeping a kind tone and it was amazing the difference we felt in our home today.

Which made me think that the direction I need to take is to go back to the basic important things in my life.

I feel it's time to prioritize again.  I need to figure out what goal I want to focus on right now and set aside time for it.  I need to remember to keep my Heavenly Father as a close friend in my life.  I need to spend real, quality time with my family.  I REALLY need to spend some quality time on me.

It seems sort of silly to write about my struggles to find balance and peace in my life on this blog.  But I guess that is part of the journey to finding equipoise.  I know that a perfect state of balance is impossible.  I also know that I've been a lot closer before than I am now.  It's a work in progress.

I guess I just needed to vent...and come up with a plan.  And now I have.  So, thank you for that.  I'd like another favor though.  Tell me, what do you do when you feel disconnected or unbalanced??

1 comment:

  1. As a wife and mother it seems like life is taken over by wife and mother things: cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. I used to resent all those things because it took away from the activities I did that made me feel like I a was an interesting and thoughtful person. I would hurry through them so I could do the things I wanted. I realized that didn't make me happy either. Now I try to enjoy my motherly activities. I bring my son outside with me while I hang laundry on the line and I watch him play and smile at the birds. I take him on hikes with me and teach him all about the world around him. This is how I have found balance between who I am and who I am supposed to be. But it is a journey and I don't think I will ever truly have an ideal balance

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