I have this tendency. Being a perfectionist my whole life, I have always been a little embarrassed of this tendency. Yet here I am admitting it on the internet hoping it will cleanse me a bit.

When I get overwhelmed I shut down. Completely.

Right now my house in in shambles, I haven't blogged in weeks, I'm a bit behind on my work, I have a "to do" list a mile long, I have calls to make, a car to have repaired (another story for another day) and a million other things I can't even remember right now.

It's overwhelming.

And I haven't even begun to tackle any of it.

I don't know if my brain just doesn't know how to process that much to do. To break it down. To prioritize. Or if I just have this lazy streak in me that comes out when I've had enough of the endless "trying to stay on top of things" mindset I usually run on.

I had to take another trip to New Mexico (yet another story), which I am so grateful I got to take. However, all the time away from home allowed me to get used to living without a massive list of things to do. And that little part of it was nice.

Meanwhile, that list kept growing in my absence and I returned unsure of where to even start!
Add to that our attempt to give Zoe some clear rules and responsibility and a teething baby. This week I just gave up.

The problem with a perfectionist mentality and shutdown mode coexisting is that I get a huge pile of anxiety to add to my already overwhelmed mind. And it shows. I don't sleep well, tossing and turning, I can't shut my mind off, I beat myself up over not getting anything done, I feel embarrassed when people see the results of shutdown mode, which gives me more anxiety.

Then I just feel awful.

Luckily, the anxiety usually wins out and I decide to do something about the mess I've tried to ignore. I guess I've started with blogging. Not the best priority to pick, maybe, but I do feel better getting all this off my chest. Next is the mountain of laundry I'm going to fold and then the kitchen I need to tackle and then that pesky "to do" list will start to get checked off and all will be right in the world again.

Until I get overwhelmed again...and shutdown again...and the cycle continues. Sigh.

Anyone else have this issue?

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