Life with Zoe has been a bit of a roller coaster ride lately. We think she is getting her second set of molars. Teething has always brought out the clingy, whiny side of my little girl...but this time it's different. She has now entered the stage of throw-yourself-on-the-floor temper tantrums if she doesn't get her way or if she can't communicate something. With my emotions on their own roller coaster and my body beginning to weaken under the weight of carrying my second child, I don't always handle this so well. We've been giving her some time in her room under these circumstances for her to sort out her feelings and calm down enough to talk to us. Most of the time, though, we never really do find out what started the tantrum in the first place. Still, our strategy seems to be working. I've found that toddler emotions are just really big, and they don't have the self-control to keep them in check. I've also found that pregnancy freak-out buttons are really easy to push and I don't always have the self-control to keep them in check either. Funny how that happens. So, Zoe and I do a lot of lap cuddles and have little conversations which often end in us both apologizing to each other and giving "loves". On the upside, she makes me laugh every day. I love to watch her mimic us as she puts her bunny and frog to sleep and tells them, "Sleep Good! I love you! See you in the morning!" She will sing for us or with us when we put her down for naps and sometimes if we just ask her to. She is really starting to communicate and annunciate well and it has made for some pretty interesting conversations. She is generally a very well behaved child, even in public. We introduced her to the toddler bed about a month ago. We had huge fears over how hard the transition was going to be for her. For a couple weeks she went to bed crying, but would always fall asleep on her own. She tried to get out of bed a few times, but after telling her to stay in bed once and a few more time of silently laying her back in bed, she stays there until I come to get her...no matter how long she's been awake. We're so proud of her for this accomplishment...and happy that she loves her "new bed". Zoe loves to be outside and loves to get the attention of all the kids in our neighborhood, many of which she knows by name. While she doesn't usually want to leave my side, she has begun to venture off, explore and interact more. She likes to "go walk" with Mom and "get books" at the library. In fact, we went to the library this morning. Usually she will pick some books and I will pick some books and we will read or look through all of them and she decides which books to take home. She had a long attention span today so we sat and read most of the books and took a large stack home with us. We left the back way so she could get a good look at the flags before we headed home. As we walked we had the following conversation:
Zoe: "Hey Mom?!"
Me: "Yes, sweetheart?"
Zoe: "That was fun."
And my heart melted. These are the days that I live for- the ones that make
me thank my Heavenly Father for giving me stewardship over this special spirit.
These are the days that make me feel like I can parent two.
Speaking of Paige...I will be 31 weeks tomorrow. Zoe is starting to notice
my belly more and more. She will tell Paige "good morning!" and give her kisses
on my belly. She points out the baby things in the house (even what used to be
Zoe's crib) and say "Paige's ...?" I think she will be a great sister. Paige
seems to think she doesn't have enough room and likes to stretch and kick around
often. Little does she know, the space will continue to get smaller! Most
days I feel like a marshmallow trapped in an old lady's body. My ankles are
swelling, my lower back and hips feel wrong most days, it hurts to walk, sit,
stand and especially to get up. So far the Gestational Diabetes isn't making me
too crazy. My sugar levels have been pretty good and I'm managing to get some
sort of exercise daily...even if it's just vacuuming the whole house. I'm happy
to know that I have a mere nine weeks left...but also a little afraid of what
those weeks will bring. I start non-stress tests again next week. I'm excited
about it just because I'll get to see Paige weekly, but also worried how I'm
going to get sitters for so many appointments. No matter what, though, I know
it will all work out. I have people that support me and in nine short weeks
I'll be blessed with another baby girl. That makes it all worth it.
Our summer plans mostly involve playing outside with Zoe whenever possible.
Love takes our only car everyday so besides that, walks and visits to the
library she and I are generally stuck at home. Living with one car for two
years has been hard....more so now that we live so far away from everything.
But I know that we couldn't have made it if we had two car payments...at least
not with me being able to work from home and be with Zoe. The summer nights
have been gorgeous- which has resulted in less TV time for Love and I (for the
best) and often a later bed time for Zoe. Still it's nice to just enjoy each
other's company and watch Zoe collect rocks. Some highlights of this summer
will be plenty of BBQ's with our neighbors/friends, family gatherings, a visit
next week from my Mom and Grandma, some pre-planned girls nights with my friend,
and of course, the new addition to the Equipoise Family.
So that is our life right now. I'm really trying to give myself permission
to be more lenient on the to do list and enjoy the last few weeks I'll have with
my family of three before we become four. I want to soak up some sunshine
before Utah brings the cold again. I want to put my feet up when I can and read
some great books...maybe find some more time for my music...maybe even for my
writing and drawing. We'll just have to see.